Hi there, Im new to this site and just thought I would introduce myself and my thoughts.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he has 3 children from a previous relationship (they werent married). They are 16,8 and 6. I love them to bits but I am so sad as I long for them to love me back. I get no affection, love, kindness or respect from them and it cuts me to the quick. I know I will never be loved like they love their parents but just maybe a thank you when I cook for them or buy them a gift, a "goodnight Sam" when they are going to bed, or a cuddle or smile of appreciation would mean so much to me.
I know it is hard for step children to come to terms with new families, but I had nothing at all to do with the breakup of their parents (they were seperated for 3 years before I met him) and I do try my hardest. A lot of the problem is his ex, she is a bit of an nightmare sometimes and phones up drunk shouting abuse at us. She has also threatened to stop him seeing the kids, which I think is awful as he only sees them once a month as it is (they live over 200 miles away).
It hurts me terribly to see what he has with his kids and what he had with his ex. I would dearly love a baby of my own with him (I dont have any kids) but he doesnt want that due to how she (his ex) would react. She will turn the kids against us (she is great at doing that) and tell them that he only loves his new child and not them. She already tells them that he has too much love for me and not enough for them which is absolutely crazy, hes not changed since meeting me.
I feel like my whole life is on hold because of her, I cannot have a child because of her, even getting married (which trust me we will do) will be a nightmare as they were never married. If we go on holiday on our own, she tells the kids he doesnt love them enough to take them (even though we take them away every year).
I dont know what to do, do I keep feeling miserable and not have a baby of my own, or do I have a baby and risk him losing the 3 he already has? I would never forgive myself if that happened. Im not wanting a baby just to be even, I want one because im 34 and I feel time is running out, I also feel that for the first time in my life I have found the man that I want to have as my childs father. Perhaps if I received a little bit of affection or love from his kids then I wouldn't feel like I have something lacking in my life so much.
Please can anyone help me. I dont want to carry on being miserable, but I cant help the way I feel, I feel as if my life is passing me by and im just living my boyfriends life. Please tell me that even after 3 years it gets better. Thanks for reading this. Sam x