I’m no longer a stepparent and it feels good

[GooseyDuck]

Ex and I have finally ended things. I’m so relieved.

It’s not the kids’ fault but he uses them as emotional support and I’m so tired of seeing him cuddle them on the sofa whenever I call him out on anything. So tired of hearing his rants about their mum and how he disagrees with child maintenance. So tired of spending all of my spare time and money on kids who aren’t mine, trying in futile to get them to play nicely and learn phonics and basic general knowledge they should have learnt years ago. So tired of brushing out hair that hasn’t been brushed in weeks; of being “the one who nit combs;” of being expected to change my work schedule to provide childcare; of being the one who manages communication between their parents and with school.

I’ll miss them, but I’m so relieved.

Well done. He is at fault. Dad who wants someone else to parent his children.

Well done. Happier days ahead for you 😊

🎉🎉 well done you.

Happy for you! And a useful warning to others

That sounds like hell on earth. Congratulations on being free!

Well done on putting yourself first. Wishing you every future happiness. Also, ick at ex’s use of the kids as emotional support.

Thanks everyone. I wouldn’t say it was hell on earth but it was the least rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Onwards and upwards!

You’ll look back on this and wonder why you put up with it for so long!

Ouch.. poor kids. I could never be a step mum and therefore will never become a step mum.

I do already!!

I keep thinking of admin relating to them, and realising it’s no longer my problem. Booking holiday clubs, paying for sports subscriptions, buying winter coats… Not my problem.

They’re all pre-teen now and I know are just going to become more expensive in the next few years and it’s such a relief to know I don’t need to budget for it. As the higher earner in the household, a lot fell to me, both financially and mentally.

I can’t wait to just have to focus on myself and my kids.

Gosh you have your own kids, thank God you can look after them as your own and not have to spread yourself so thin.
I often wonder if people like this seek out a new partner mostly to help with parenting.
Very sad for these kids with two shitty parents but that’s not your responsibility you’ve done enough already.
Do your children feel relieved? Here’s to many happy memories built with your own family.
The fact that you were buying winter coats for children when they have two functioning parents is so unfair on you.
And having read a thread on here where it was very difficult for the OP to get said man and kids out of her home, I hope the practical side of it is as painless as possible.

onwards and upwards
I hope you find happiness.

Mine are too young to really understand the situation, we only had SC on weekends and holidays so I don’t think they’ll really miss them as such. They’ll be upset to move house and childcare but they’re young and will adapt. I don’t think they’ll miss their dad much, sadly.

Their mum would buy coats for them but very cheap / second hand / ripped ones which weren’t allowed to go to ours, so I would end up buying them as ex would never have any money left. Same for school shoes, she’d buy them but very cheaply and in the wrong sizes. I didn’t want SC to go without but it was never really appreciated by anyone. Not SC’s fault of course.

I’ll actually be much better off financially when we’ve moved. I can’t wait.

So tired of brushing out hair that hasn’t been brushed in weeks

she’d buy them but very cheaply and in the wrong sizes.

This sounds neglectful on the part of the actual parents. Please let their school know you are no longer supporting your ex-stepchildren, from a safeguarding POV and "being the one who manages communication between their parents and with school".

Then enjoy your freedom!

Have you found somewhere else to live OP? Is he remotely bothered, and how do you think he will be deal with your shared children?
I know it sounds awful but they would be better off with you all of the time by the sounds of it.

Congratulations. It really will feel like a new dawn.

Wow - good for you OP and absolutely the right thing to focus on your own DC but feel really sorry for the SC. I hope you will alert their school as they seem neglected.

I will update their school after the summer holidays to say I’m no longer in the picture. I’ve reported all manner of issues in the past and it’s never gone anywhere as far as I know. The school (schools, because they’re moved every few years) often aren’t interested in speaking to a stepparent anyway. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of lax parents out there.

I expect ex will see DC every other weekend, probably for a day. I expect he’ll see SC much less now I’m not around to manage it too.

Well done.
Don't be conned into taking him back when the penny drops how much you did and paid for.

I won’t! He’s still being vile to me. Idiot. I don’t think he’s even told his kids yet.

For god's sake, how do these men find women who'll put up with them! Those poor children having him for a dad. If their own parents won't put them first then they've no chance. I don't blame you for going, but do feel for the kids - ETA - I feel for them because they are stuck with those two.

Pre-teens learning phonics?!

I agree! I wasn’t even that young, just incredibly naive and optimistic. I wonder how quickly he’ll find someone new to take up the reins…

The youngest is 8, all three of them are behind at school. I am the only one of the “parents” that ever sat and did homework or reading with them.