Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

ABUSIVE STEPSON

32 replies

verbalabused · Today 16:20

I am 71 and my wife is 62. We married 3 years ago. She insisted that her adult son (she has 4 adult children) who is 31 move into our new home. She says she would not have married me if that could not happen. He does not work and contributes ZERO financially to 8,000 to 10,000 monthly expenses. My wife and son have a very dependent relationship.
He drives his mother's 2023 Audi. I leased a Tesla for my spouse Donna. She has stood by and allowed him to verbally abuse me. He is not "well" in my opinion. I am an oral surgeon (semi-retired) and Donna is an ER nurse.
She owns a home that her other son lives in with his fiancé and young child. The stepson with us used to live there. There is plenty of room there for him. However, my wife refuses to have him move out..
I feel threatened by his presence. I have complained for the 3 years to have him move out, but Donna refuses. I pay over 85 % of the expenses here. The mortgage is mine. Unfortunately, she is on the deed. Divorce has been discussed for quite some time. I can't afford that right now.
HOW DO i GET HIM OUT ?????
.

OP posts:

Anewappa · Today 20:12

livelovelough24 · Today 20:10

Dear OP, my heart truly goes out to you. I can only imagine how frightening and exhausting it must be to feel unsafe in your own home. Other posters are right that some of your answers are unclear, because understanding the full picture helps people give you the most accurate and helpful advice. I’m not sure why some are asking about your expenses; that doesn’t seem relevant to the immediate issue.

First, I hope “Donna” is not your wife’s real name. You should never use real names here, yours or anyone else, and it’s best to avoid sharing too many identifying details such as your profession. Protecting your privacy is important, especially in a situation like this.

I know it doesn’t help to say this now, but agreeing to have your wife’s adult son move in was a mistake. At this point, though, the focus has to be on your safety and your options moving forward.

You mentioned that you’ve already spoken with a lawyer, which was a very smart step. I would strongly suggest not telling your wife about that conversation for now, as it could escalate things if she shares it with her son. If you genuinely fear for your safety, please consider contacting the police, they may be able to advise you on next steps or help you create a safety plan.

I truly hope you find a resolution soon. You’ve worked hard, and you deserve to feel safe and at peace in your own home.

Heavens…. Save your heart for someone else who doesn’t make up a Load of nonsense on mumsnet and then scarpers when asked basic questions

ExplodingSmittens · Today 20:20

I think you’ve got your monthly expenses wrong OP.

livelovelough24 · Today 20:25

Anewappa · Today 20:12

Heavens…. Save your heart for someone else who doesn’t make up a Load of nonsense on mumsnet and then scarpers when asked basic questions

Show quote history

Thank you @Anewappa but I do not need you to tell me what I should do with my empathy. But to clarify, 71 yo man is being abused in his own home, that is something I care about.

And @ExplodingSmittens OPs expenses are not a topic of this thread.

ThejoyofNC · Today 20:25

So start divorce proceedings and tell her the house needs to go on the market.

Anewappa · Today 20:42

livelovelough24 · Today 20:25

Thank you @Anewappa but I do not need you to tell me what I should do with my empathy. But to clarify, 71 yo man is being abused in his own home, that is something I care about.

And @ExplodingSmittens OPs expenses are not a topic of this thread.

Show quote history

Nah…. No way.

ExplodingSmittens · Today 20:46

livelovelough24 · Today 20:25

Thank you @Anewappa but I do not need you to tell me what I should do with my empathy. But to clarify, 71 yo man is being abused in his own home, that is something I care about.

And @ExplodingSmittens OPs expenses are not a topic of this thread.

Show quote history

I don’t need telling what parts of the OP to comment on.

PrettyLittleRose · Today 21:15

ExplodingSmittens · Today 20:46

I don’t need telling what parts of the OP to comment on.

Show quote history

Exactly! The OP mentioned his outgoings, so it's fair if people comment.

@verbalabused Still cannot figure out why you married her. Genuinely struggling to understand. Her son was part of the package and you knew she wanted him to move in too. You can't complain now. You need to get your ducks in a row to leave, or tolerate the situation.

Flip

1 2