How do you split finances?

[PuddleDuckGK]

Me and my partner are currently considering moving in together. I own a house, he's renting so he'd give that up and move in with me initially, with a view to buying somewhere together further down the line if all goes well.

I have one child, he has three. We've started discussing how we'd split bills etc and I'm struggling to work out what I think is fair. Initially I thought everything should just be 50/50, but now I'm not so sure.

I have a mortgage, he's offered to pay towards that but does that give him any entitlement to the property, or would you just see it as 'rent'? And I'm not sure whether he should pay more because he has more children than I do?

Just as an extra point- we both have our children 50/50, so I don't ask my son's dad for any maintenance, but he does pay his ex wife £500 a month. I'm genuinely not sure if I'm reasonable saying this but his ex works part time, I assume part of the reason she can afford to do this is because of the maintenance she gets.

Me and my partner both work full time, so I can't help but feel I shouldn't be paying half of everything when there are four of them, I almost feel that by doing that I'm funding his ex wife?

Any options/experiences welcome, I honestly don't know the best approach.

Is there any reason why you can't continue a relationship without living together?

So your child will be expected to share their home with a man and his 3 children. How will that work out?

LADY, YOU DON'T NEED THIS. go without a man but be clever

It sounds like the man will gain everything, and you will lose everything.

And it sounds as if you are not happy with the financial situation already. Stay living separately for everyone’s sake.

This.

Is the maintenance he paid a mutual agreement or via the CSM? I think this is a disaster waiting to happen the resentment appears to already have set in or is very least bubbling under the surface. Before he moves in and you decide how to split things get all your cards firmly on the table.

It's a minefield. I personally think that the two people who should be primarily financially responsible for a child are both of his/her biological parents and not step-parents.

I am glad you said ‘currently considering ‘ as honestly I feel you shouldn’t move in together. It’s very uneven in terms of every variable. Children, owned property, finances.
Also your child is going from being just with you to a man plus 3 kids. I know it’s easy for us to say but I would really think hard about this

This has disaster written all over it. Stay living separately!

It’s a terrible idea put your child first not your man and do not live together

I’m struggling to see how you and your child benefit from this?

He lives in rented accommodation, so by moving in with you he potentially gets a claim on your home, plus cheaper lodgings and shared bills, help with childcare, cooking and cleaning.

You get an additional FOUR people living in your home. More cooking and cleaning and wear and tear on your home (will your DP do enough housework to make up for the four additional people AND more on top to ensure you’re doing less than you’re already doing to make it beneficial to you?)

You lose your 25% single person discount on council tax. Your food, electricity, gas and water bills will increase considerably. You’ll potentially have to split any equity growth with this man, so yes, he’ll contribute but will it halve your monthly outgoings?

Most importantly your DC now has FOUR people to share you with, when she lives with you for 50% of her time.

What are the upsides here?

How does your child feel about going from you & him to another 4 people in his home?

How long have you been together?

From your child’s perspective, do a pro and con list.

My friend moved her boyfriend in and put him on her mortgage. They split up after a couple years and she had to sell her family home as he had claim to half of it. Know EXACTLY what you’re getting into!

How many bedrooms do you have, OP? What would sleeping arrangements look like with the added children?

You have a house that presumably comfortably houses you and your one child? One that you own.

What will those comfortable living arrangements look like with one more adult and three more children? Does it have 5 bedrooms?

You are throwing away your financial security and your child's safe space for this man. I hope he's worth it.

Assuming you both earn similar I’d say pay 50/50 for bills and mortgage. Food I’d say he pays a little extra

My advice would be don’t do it!

I cannot fathom how this would be of any benefit whatsoever to your child. Or your own financial stability.

You can set up a lodger’s agreement and he won’t be entitled to anything.

How old are the children?

Can he easily afford everything his children need, anything you want as a couple, savings and insurances AND that £500 a month he’s giving away? The fact that he’s in rented accommodation would suggest not.

Another vote not to let him move his family in.

Actually: what does that £500 cover? If the ex is buying all their clothes, clubs, phone bills, childcare costs etc it might not be so bad.

Agree with the other comments, keep your independence. Do not move him in.

No way! Don’t move him in. You are risking your home.