How do you split finances?

[PuddleDuckGK]

Me and my partner are currently considering moving in together. I own a house, he's renting so he'd give that up and move in with me initially, with a view to buying somewhere together further down the line if all goes well.

I have one child, he has three. We've started discussing how we'd split bills etc and I'm struggling to work out what I think is fair. Initially I thought everything should just be 50/50, but now I'm not so sure.

I have a mortgage, he's offered to pay towards that but does that give him any entitlement to the property, or would you just see it as 'rent'? And I'm not sure whether he should pay more because he has more children than I do?

Just as an extra point- we both have our children 50/50, so I don't ask my son's dad for any maintenance, but he does pay his ex wife £500 a month. I'm genuinely not sure if I'm reasonable saying this but his ex works part time, I assume part of the reason she can afford to do this is because of the maintenance she gets.

Me and my partner both work full time, so I can't help but feel I shouldn't be paying half of everything when there are four of them, I almost feel that by doing that I'm funding his ex wife?

Any options/experiences welcome, I honestly don't know the best approach.

If he starts contributing towards your mortgage or home improvements then he starts to accumulate an interest in your home.

You’ve not mentioned the ages of the kids but teens will eat as much as an adult and it will be easier to start as you mean to continue so he should pay 2/3 of food and utilities as there’s twice as many of them.

I think it’s good that you’re being honest about your feelings about the fact that he pays CM. If you force him to stop then you risk creating a new problem with the ex because everyone will blame you.

I would live apart or if you really want to move in look into buying together and protect both of your deposits etc From your post it sounds like it will financially disadvantage you and your son so you should listen to your head and not go there.

I have three SC too so some experience in this.

I’d charge him the maximum you can charge a lodger as “rent” and have that documented. If/when you buy, get a deed of trust to protect your deposits. I’d then expect him to pay 50% of standing bills like council tax and internet, and anything split by person like food or water I’d expect him to pay 5/8 (counting each adult as two shares and each child as one as they’re all present 50/50).

So your new partner and his three kids are moving in to your home. What will be the impact on your child going from being an only to one of four. Yes, he will end up with a claim on your home if he contributes to the mortgage. I am sorry but it is a really really bad idea, I’ll bet he is the one pushing for it as it certainly only benefits one person here and it isn’t you,

Don’t move in together

yes if he psys toesrds mortgage he gets a claim of your house

yes he should pay double what you do to cover costs food water electricity etc

you will lose your 25% ct

he sounds a very nice man paying £500 a month as 50/50. I would ask why

what age are all your kids

how long been together

but no I wouldn’t move him in and then your daughter have to share her home and later on risk losing home if split up

he rents so that saying a homeless /poor man falls in love quickly springs to mind

100% this. So other than money have you discussed household duties? 4 extra people will increase cleaning, laundry, cooking and food shopping.

Do you have multiple bathrooms because you will really notice the difference if him and his children are there 50% of the time.

On finances, He should NOT contribute to the mortgage as that could make it messy if you separate. He should be responsible for council tax bill, at least 50% since you will lose the single allowance.

At least 50% for all utilities, a fair rent for his usage of the house (give him a discount on what he pays now) and a higher proportion of the food bill.

He still gets a great deal and likely to be wealthier as a result. Do not let your love goggles blind you to the risks you could face of this. Think with your head...signing up for this won't be an easy road.

I can see what’s in it for him, but not what’s in it for you.

How long have you been together? How old are the kids? This seems like a mad decision and you’re making yourself financially vulnerable.

Jesus Christ, don’t do it!!!! Absolutely don’t even think about it!!!

How old are the kids? How long have you been together? Who suggested moving in together (let me guess it was him.....). So he gets cheap rent, someone there to look after his kids, do the cleaning and cook his meals potentially? This has got NO written all over it. Wait until the kids are grown and flown and then buy a place together. If he is not prepared to wait, you have found out some valuable information about him.

Slightly different as dp's children don't stay with us ( all adults) but dp does not pay towards my dc's expenses on a day to day level, I pay all that. I own the house and dp gives me money every month toward expenses, I feel this is fair and so would not expect you to pay toward his children, they have 2 parents for that. I would be wary of moving children into my dc's home, it's a big enough thing moving an adult in, your dc would be completely outnumbered in their own home.

If I can give any advice from my own experience is to NOT move in together until the children are older. Me and my partner moved in together, I had one child and he had two. I had my child full time and his stayed 2x nights a week. We split the bills 50/50. We eventually had two children of our own and I ended up reducing hours so we split bills 70/30. It really has not been easy being a step parent, harder than imagined tbh. I like a nice clean and tidy house. His two kids come over and they leave their shoes out, make mess, leave wrappers and food out, don’t make their beds, don’t eat normal food. I got on great with them when they were younger, as they’ve got older, they are rude and entitled and I can’t stand it. I must sound awful but I literally cannot tell them to make their beds without them getting the hump and refusing to come next time. Unless you plan on having children together, stick in your own houses.

Having him move into your home would suit him very nicely indeed. Far less so for your child, his children, and massively worse for you. The time to consider sharing a home is when the kids have moved out AND he has saved enough to bring something to the table when you buy together.

And if they decide not to live with their mum anymore?

No, don't let him pay for mortgage. Give him a rental agreement to rent 2 rooms for his kids. Protect your home. Split bills by adult equals 1 part and a DC half a part. He pays 2.5 parts and you pay 1.5 out of 4 parts.

Please don't do this to your child. They will be completely outnumbered and overwhelmed in their own home. The finances are the least of your problems. You need to centre your child in this decision.

Put your child first, of course he/she would not want to go from just being the two of you to 6 people all of a sudden. Leave it until the children are older. Easy to romanticise, but honestly the complications won’t stop coming.

Don't do it OP, you are already questioning it, that's a good thing. You want to be together forever right? Then what's 18 years at most in the face of forever?

Not a chance I’d be doing this. To go from a two person household to a five person would overwhelm me as an adult, even on a temporary basis, never mind permanently as a child .

Don’t do it.

I’d never do that to my children. Wouldn’t even consider it till they’re adults.

My stepson lived with us full time. The second one did not, but was at boarding school so even though his mother had residential custody in reality he was with us as often as her, maybe a bit more with her over the long holidays. We had two children together.
My DH paid alimony (a lot more than £500!) and all school fees. He paid all that before we then had a joint account. So he kept his ex and their children’s expenses separate to our joint. As for food/household running we shared that though my DH paid the mortgage (I had paid the deposit on our house). He earned more so paid for holidays etc.
A friend who had a child and moved in with her partner who had none, they split the household expenses but she paid everything concerning her child. I don’t think they went down to the food bill though!
In your case I would tread carefully. I wouldn’t chafe him more ‘rent’ but four mouths compared to your two is unbalanced. Do you earn equal amounts? What if you had a child together? How old are the kids? If you do move in I’d sell and buy together and do it as tenants in common rather than joint to protect your half.
If you can’t come to an agreement that you are both happy with then keep living apart (I wouldn’t want to live with anyone myself - unless you want more kids).

I do wonder why he’s paying £500, because if that is in lieu of paying half of 3 kids cost for extra curricular/clothing/stuff/school dinners etc, then he has got a very sweet deal. So, without context, we have no idea whether that’s generous or not. It’s only a fiver a day per kid.
Or if their family set up was him finances/her sahp/pt and thus he has a higher paid job and thus the £500, then it suggests he’s one of those arseholes who goes for 50/50 to avoid much maintenance.

Are you out of your mind thinking of doing this?
Your poor child.
4 people moving in, the noise, the mess, the laundry.
He's renting...of course he is.

He saw you coming.
Unbelievable thatvyou would do this to your child.
Shameful IMO.

IF you do move them in and I wouldn't, get a cohabitation agreement. He pays rent and 2/3 utilities. There's 6 and 4 are his share! But I really wouldn't

Don’t do it! Believe me!