My stepson who is 4 has just become progressively worse behaved recently. I try and treat all the kids the same, I’ve got 4 others.
My stepson just gets violent, hitting, kicking, biting the other children, throwing everything downstairs, putting things in the toilet, bullying the others when they were just minding their own business.
He refuses to eat what’s cooked and DP just gives him whatever he wants instead, which is impacting the other children’s eating habits too when they’ve always eaten very very well and aren’t fussy at all, but they see him get away with not eating and being given something he considers better (but isn’t nutritious at all) and they end up getting upset that they have to eat their food until they’re full.
DP isn’t always here to manage stepsons behaviour, but even when he is he doesn’t really tell him off for anything and there’s no consequences. Sometimes he even laughs or tells the other kids is their fault if they’re hit or pushed over because they were having an unrelated tantrum that had nothing to do with my stepson. Or he will have a tantrum and hit them for no reason, and DP will say they just shouldn’t have gone near him then and stepson doesn’t get told off.
I’ve raised it with DP that not having consequences for hurting others isn’t okay and it doesn’t matter how minor the injury, it shouldn’t ever be okay. I lost it this morning and told my daughter to just punch him back if he hurts her again. Not my finest moment, but this is after weeks and weeks of having to break up fights, arguing with DP over lack of discipline, and no matter what conversations I have with my stepson or time outs, screen ban, etc, he doesn’t care what I say because I’m not his mum or dad.
I’ve had so many chats with him about how it’s not okay and why, and tried to divert his anger elsewhere like screaming into a pillow, taking himself off to his room if he’s overwhelmed, stories, etc, but these chats fall of deaf ears when they aren’t also had by DP.
I know it’s also a DP issue, he should be dealing with it properly and isn’t and the lack of consistency is making it worse. I’ve tried to talk to DP again today, but honestly just at my wits end after all day dealing with 5 kids including a newborn, 3 weeks postpartum and my stepson has just been a total nightmare all day - to be fair my 6yo was a nightmare this morning too, screaming for absolutely ages over cereal (although she did get a conversation and a time out for it).
and before anyone says I’m hating on my stepson, I’m not, I love him dearly, but his behaviour is becoming out of control.
honestly not even particularly looking for advice, just ranting because I want to scream into a void.