BM invites DH's family to SD's bday

[Anuta77]

So DH has 2 exes (I can already envision the judgemental comments from some 😂): two sons from ex1 and one daughter from ex2 (the BM in question).

SD always ends up with her mother on her bday, her friends are closer there, so it's normal. Her mother decided after the separation with DH 11 years ago that she will keep his sons (her ex step sons) close. Each time it's SD's bday, she invites them. She doesn't have to, because she knows that DH ALWAYS does something for SD's bday and she also has a son from previous relationship as well as new step children and SD's friends. So she does have a crowd for SD's bday.

Now, once my stepsons went to SD's party, the're not going to celebrate her again, so when it's our turn to do something with her, it's basically just DH, me and our child as well as my other son, the same people she sees when she comes to stay with us EOW. So it's much more boring for SD who clearly doesn't even make it a priority. Today is her bday, the party was yesterday and she told DH that he can come see her, but then he needs to bring her to whatever other plans she's made. Obviously when it's like this, I'm not going to come with my children, because we'll be just waiting for her to wake up late from the party (outside in the car), then driving her elsewhere.

If my stepsons were available, we could have had a bigger and nice gathering.
I know that people have the right to do whatever they want, but does it feel that BM has been overstepping all these years?

You're being shitty having a fit about the BM term. It was just to make the title shorter and more concise. Nobody's removing her motherly title from her.

So your SDs mum invites your SD's 1/2 brothers to celebrate her birthday with her?

That should not be a problem for you.

They are not kids anymore, that's the thing. Once they went to a party, they have to work, study, see their friends, etc. No time for another gathering.

If this attitude is on show to them then no wonder they don't want to come to you.

We have one child and I have one from previous relationship with whom SD played a lot when she was little. But it's obviously more fun when there are more people.

You don’t seem very pleasant so I can understand why

How old are they?

sounds as if they are making the choice.

If SD’s mum didn’t invite them, there’s no guarentee they’d come to you.

how often do you see them and what’s the relationship like?

I’m a bit surprised ex doesn’t invite dad and your joint child at least.

The judgmental comment I expected. Who is everyone? LOL. I was the only SM my husband's daughter had. On her mother's side, she's had a few stepfathers.
But interesting about Rod Steward, I'm a fan.

It's obviously that my attitude is different on this board where most respondent are not SMs and don't know how to read.

Most exes don't do joint bdays. We tried it in the past, but given that the relationship with her is not great (long story), it's just not the best thing to do.
Me and DH have a good relationship with his sons, it's not due to any friction, simply that they go to the party and then do other things as they are young adults.

I’m honestly confused! So happpy for help…
op is annoyed her partners daughters mother, has invited the daughters siblings to celebrate her birthday. Op is not related to the daughter or the siblings invited to the celebration?

You have no idea how I am, but I obviosly answer judgmental and insulting comments in the same way.

I'm guessing the ex has a batter relationship with them, and throws a better party, so they choose to go there.

I wasn't insinuating anything

And I have I have no idea if they can "dedicate" a while weekend to their sister or not. I don't know how old they are or what else they do at the weekend.

Honestly, you’re coming across with quite an attitude- it feels like you’re frustrated that everyone isn’t automatically agreeing with you, but that’s the risk you take when you post here asking for opinions.

it sounds like you’re annoyed because you want to do what your SD’s mum is doing… the problem is that she started doing it 11 years ago, presumably before you were on the scene. It sounds like she has done it as a nice gesture for your DH’s first two sons. Move on and create a different tradition.

Are you not able to write properly?

it was a pertinent question that you haven’t answered legibly tbh

Sounds like you’re put out because you don’t want your husbands children from his 1st marriage to celebrate their sister’s birthday with her, all because you and your child are not invited!

Why can’t you celebrate her birthday and ask her brothers to come to that too?

So does Step daughter live with her Mum most of the week?
Step daughters Mum obviously has a close relationship with her ex step sons and their Mum, so she’s carried on inviting them to her daughters party, what’s wrong with that?
Is your husband overly bothered, as it would make more sense that you’re objecting on his behalf?
If he’s that bothered he should speak to his daughter’s Mum about him hosting a party one year, is that an option?
Step daughter may well expect her Mum to be there tho, so she may prefer her Mum hosting and as it’s her birthday that’s what matters.

Yep, I think it’s time to make your own traditions.

it’s a shame DH and ex cannot be civil for SDs birthday but you cannot control ex’s actions or DSSs.

Maybe DH and SD could have a birthday day out around the time of her birthday instead.

No point in getting angry at what you cannot control, trying for a duplicate party looks desperate anyway.

The mum isn’t doing anything wrong, it works for her daughter and the step sons and that’s what matters, if that pisses off the new wife that she doesn’t like then that’s just one of life’s little bonuses isn’t it. Considering non of those kids are yours it’s just really not your business.

Sounds like the mum has a longer standing and closer relationship with ss. This is simply part and parcel of being with a guy with a complicated past.

I imagine it’s an invitation that started when your SDs mother and your DH were together? So she’s just carried it on to now? I think that’s fantastic to be honest. I know of people who never saw half siblings so to see the effort be made to ensure the relationship carries on is really great! If you invited your SSs to an event would they come? For example, if SD had a traditional party with her Mum, would her brothers come bowling or something similar with you?

You sound genuinely batshit. Go outside and touch some grass. Updated to add: I am a stepparent, and quite adept at reading. Sort your tone out.

So to be clear, none of these children are actually yours? But you want them to change the tradition they have with their actual parents?

I think this is just the problem with being the third wife, everyone's relationships are already established.

Your step daughter probably doesn't want multiple birthday parties either. She's had her party, maybe her dad could just take her out for a special treat or meal instead?

This tradition likely started before the father went on and created a 3rd family. Other people don’t need to change their behavior because of his choices. He is the one spreading himself thin and he needs to be the one who accepts the consequences of that choice. You and your children are naturally going to end up dealing with the fact that he is overextended. He can’t change that and neither can you.