Step parenting is hard but…

[TeaNoSugars]

if your husband/partner is decent it’s bearable.

Been with DH 10 years and it’s been difficult at times, but we have a great marriage and I really think he’s a fantastic man. He cares deeply about me and all his children, is respectful, has learnt how to maintain healthy boundaries with his exW (Mum of one child).

Do you ever think that if the ex had just been a decent person she would be living the life you are now and what an idiot she was to be such a dick? I’ve seen DH’s divorce paperwork and know his ex is an unbearable woman, she was abusive (not physically) but did things like lock him out the house if she felt he was at work too long, locked him out the bedroom if he went to their crying baby in the night, (she would let them cry it out), would empty bank accounts when she was mad. She’s incredibly manipulative - I’ve seen it at play over the last decade. DH isn’t perfect by any means but he is genuine and sincere and a devoted DH and father.

She wanted to be a SAHM and have DH support a lavish lifestyle AND take the brunt of parenting the moment he was home. She’s tried to trap other men but the same cycle repeats.

I sometimes think to myself how lucky I am live the life I do and how different life might look if exW hadn’t have been such a knob.

Just a musing..!

I’ve just looked back at my posts to see where I said she was in constant contact and I haven’t.

i didn’t say that. That’s why.

nowhere have I said she has zero contact.

You said she’s sending messages and wee reminders all the time. You said you think she has a shrine to him. You said. Specifically that. “Literally as I was giving birth she was trying to ring to have a chat about their joint child.”

If your DH has always had sole custody, she will have no contact (that’s what that means) so why was she ringing to have a chat about their joint child that she has no contact with, and more to the point, why hasn’t your husband blocked her long ago?

I didn’t mention constant contact either? I was curious as to why you seem to have so much contact when your DH has sole custody. Doesn’t seem like it’s necessary?

You said he had sole custody. That means that the other parent has no contact.

Here’s where you said it.

My only post re her contact was at 13:31 - I haven’t said she is currently in constant contact and i certainly haven’t said she has zero contact with her child. I don’t think it’s takes much imagination to figure out why a mother might contact the father of their child and why the father might keep lines of communication open. Nowhere have I said she doesn’t have any contact with her child.

that’s not the same as having no contact,

Sole custody means the child not seeing the other parent at all. That’s what the phrase means.

It certainly came across as so from your posts. If she’s not in frequent contact how have you gathered so much detail about what’s she’s like? And that she has a shrine to him? You sound very contradictory .

Keeping lines of communication open is so different to sending messages all the time, calling etc., especially as the child must be a very close to a teenager if not a older if you’ve been with her dad for ten years. Why doesn’t the mom contact her directly?

No, it means they spend overnights with only one parent. It is not the same as no contact.

I didn’t say that was still the case.

Not in my understanding.

if the other parent sees the child that is very very different to “sole custody”.

I’m out. You want to think you’re better than the ex and be happy that kids had a split family, that’s on you.

I can’t say I ever wish my kids suffered as they have. And I believe as their mother that I would be a weirdo if I did wish the suffering they have had on them.

Good luck in the future.

I know what she’s like because we’ve had so much involvement with services in respect of access. I haven’t said, anywhere, that the behaviour has been sustained for an entire ten year period.

You can literally Google it and see you’re mistaken.

the narrative seems to change whenever anyone questions an aspect of the situation, I’m out. If you have sole custody and mom is not involved in day to day care, just take a step back? Congratulate yourself on being a superior person in a better marriage quietly from a distance (and not in front of your stepdaughter).

@Psychologymam i didn’t come here to discuss my situation, it’s you that wants to do that.

You didn’t come here to discuss your situation. Um, but that’s exactly what you did?! 🤣🤣 Right, I’m not responding any more - if the story can’t stay straight for a few hours , I’m guessing there’s a strong possibility the narrative may have changed over the past ten years too.

Perhaps I wasn’t clear, but I’m not here to go into great details into DH’s and his exes parenting arrangements, or the dynamics of their relationship or contact. I was here with my own personal thoughts on my life. I have no interest in justifying the comments I’ve made about exW or expanding on points you have chosen to query just so you can attempt to discredit me and my own narrative. What I’ve written is entirely subjective and I wasn’t here for your approval on my opinions.

Absolutely 100% yes. I am forever grateful that she was just so stupid to not see what was in front of her.

Op you come across as very insecure, he had a wife and child before you, you cannot change that

@TeaNoSugars , you sound jealous as hell of your husband's ex.

And don't be so smug with your 'successful marriage' as it could all change, and one day you might be the ex.

Well done for wining step parenting and coming out the other side. Glad you had a hubby that didn’t let his ex rule the roost.

you struck lucky. 🍀

weekends often a time for step parents who aren’t that fortunate to be reminded of just how difficult their life is due to the choices they made. Maybe you can post on posts where step parents struggle to help them come out the other side and feel the way you do.

I think you have endured a lot and could help others 👏🏼

Do you ever think that if the ex had just been a decent person she would be living the life you are now and what an idiot she was to be such a dick?

I don't think about DH's ex at all op. I doubt she thinks of me much either.

She wouldn't be "living the life I am" if they'd not split up because she is a different person to me, with her own life and experiences.