I have been with my partner (not married) for around 3 years now and we live together. He has two children (now 7 and 12) and they stay with us EOW and for longer during the holidays (usually 50%).
At the beginning of the relationship, there were no expectations on me to be as involved as I am now and no conversations either. But fast forward a few years, the pressure started to mount from him for me to 'parent' the two children (now 7 and 12) and there was a point where I didn't think it could work. He didn't feel I was doing enough and I felt he was asking too much.
I've sought therapy to understand my feelings better and we have both compromised with our expectations when the kids are here. He of course would like me to do a lot more but I think it's fair to say we have met in the middle. His family have even stated that the reason we work so well is because I have boundaries and I was unwilling to be forced into what didn't feel natural.
Anyway, the reason for this post is because EOW I still have the feeling that I would rather they weren't here. My partner is all happy, silly and enthusiastic when they first arrive, but towards the end of the weekend will make comments like 'I cannot wait for them to go home'. He has openly admitted how difficult they are (in terms of needing attention) and every other Sunday he seems to feel ill... More recently he's been speaking more and more about how we should move abroad as soon as the youngest hits 16...Even in front of her!
We have just had them for a longer period of time due to the summer holidays. I would be out most days at work, but it felt as though he was constantly looking to escape in the evenings, once I'd got home. He looked after them on the odd days whilst juggling work, but they were mainly in summer camp/being looked after by family.
To paint more of a picture, usually on the weekends that we have them he will invite his parents to join us for a day out. This may sound lovely but I know that it's only to share the parenting load. If I'm away, I've noticed a pattern where he will very rarely have them on his own. He will rope in another family member to share the parenting load. He will also constantly be asking when I'm coming home (this doesn't happen when it's a non-kids weekend). I think he really struggles but again, won't admit that.
Am I being unreasonable to resist the pressure he has put on me to 'parent' the children and 'step up' when he clearly struggles too. He has expressed the desire for us to be a family unit and for the children to look at us as equals but they have a mother already. I do a lot for them domestically which is a thankless task in itself. I think it is a big ask :(