Firstly i have changed my name for this as it needs to stay private and i dont know who is reaading this.
This is going to be long so please be patient and i will try my best to write what i am feeling in the best posible way!
I have a SS and he lives with his mother about 4hrs from where myself, his father and our children live. He has been through more than many 6 year olds in his life including the worst imagined. I have been in my SS's life for 5 years now and have been through all of these many bad and traggic times with himself and my dp.
He has quite a bad time at his mothers house and does not get the best of care i don't want anyone to think i have anything against his mother as i don't as i have never met her but have heard alot about her and obviously have been here when all this bad news has been told to myself and my dp by my dp's parents.
My dp's parents are very very very close to my ss and he looks at them as more of a mother and father than a grandma and grandad some may say this is wrong but in my eyes and dp's it is the best thing for him. he adores them.
Ok there have been many bad incidents in the past that have been explained to us over the phone by my dp's parents as they also live 4 hrs away from us where my ss lives so they see him every weekend unlike ourselves!
The last time i heard some bad news form them (because it used to be very frequent at one stage) i promised myself i would have to do something about it. Now this time has come i have come to a hault and dont know what to do about this last incident!
The situation stands like this. My dp had a fling when he was 19 with my ss's mother and she fell pregnant! she was not only sleeping with y dp so he was unsure if the child was his. He was also having a bad time as he had just gone into rehab as he had a drug addiction! she was also Young and her mother used to let her walk the streets till 3am!
Anway he never saw her through the pregnancy as he was not sure if the child was his or not. then when the baby was born (my gorgeous ss) her mother phoned my dp's parents and said would they like to come and see him! they went to see him still not knowing if the baby was my dp's. As soon as they saw him they believed it was my dp's as he was the spitting image of my dp when he was a baby! Life went on from there bad times and good! they never got together as a couple and she used to banned my dp from seeing his soon which broke my dp in half as he wanted to be aprt of his life and wanted him to know who his dad was!
Eventually her mother used to let my dp's family see him on the sly as she did not believe it was doing my ss any good him not seeing his dad and she believed her daughter was just doing this out of spite!
My dp'd situation is now he has always been in his sons life apart from on and off for the first year but now he is allowed to see him! his name is not on the birth certificate and my dp pays no money to his mother as she has been known to spend it on getting driunk and nights out. We buy him clothes toys pay for football training and anything he needs like school uniform etc as his mother says she cant afford it as she only gets so much benefit.
Anway i am very sorry to admit this but she totally neglects ss and never ever takes him to school! she does not wash his clothes,cut his hair, or take him anywhere!
She also has a dd from another relationship whos father is not around either her dd is 2.
The latest news today is that ss has not been to school and the truent officer has been round to see his mummy!
My dp's parents say ss has only been to school twice since christmas!
SS has told grnadparents that he has not been to school as mummy does not get out of bed till 4pm in the afternoon and she is with her boyfrined sleeping.
Dp's parents question was who looks after you and your baby sister (no names) then. his answer was a pointing finger to himself and an innocent "ME" bless him. He said he makes his breakfast and has to give his siter (2) a bottle of milk! until mummy gats out of bad at about 4pm.
Dp's parents said that SS's mother is looking very very skinny and they are afraid that she is taking drugs again!
I really need advice now on what to do as we do not know where to turn we are Really really worried for ss/ds health safety and education! What would you do? We can not speak to his mother as if we saying anything her words are dont interfere or you will not see ss/ds again!
Should we call social services ? or not? who can we talk to for advice without mentioning names? if social services get involved will they take ss/ds away ? We dont want to mess things up for ourselves or dp's parents as it will break our hearts if this happens but how much longer can we keep hitting this hurdles and just keep jumping over them? it cant go on! its tearing me apart i am a very emotional women anyway and have strong beliefs about children and there up bringing i just want him to be safe, feel loved at home, and to be enjoying life like every other 6 year old!
We have suggested to his mother about 1 yr ago ...can ss/ds come and live with us? she said yes but then when we mentioned having to do it properly through the books she did not want to as she would lose her benefit! this just seems so unfair to keep him and make him suffer when he could be having a wonderful life with his dad and family.
Please i really need some help now as i dont know what to do i cant just leave it can i?
Sorry this was sooo sooo long i am just trying to get the whole picture across to you all because this really is a bad situation and i am knocking my head against walls trying to think of what to do