A question of inheritance.

[bamboostalks]

Dh and I are writing our wills. He has 2 dd from previous relationships and we have a dd together. His dd are 20 and 11 our dd is 1. His oldest is out in the world working etc and self sufficient and will inherit money at 21 from trust fund. 11 year old lives with her mum who has plenty of money and received a good settlement when she and dh split. Dh and I own a house together which we equally paid into and that's it for assets apart from life policies. Assuming we both die together, Dh wants to leave house divided into 3 even shares wheresas I want to leave my half to my dd and his half to be split 3 ways. The life policies (both of which I indepently pay for as dh doesn't believe in them) are to be left to my dd as she has the greatest need should we both die. This is becoming a bit of a bitter wrangle now and I would welcome any advice. Am I being selfish. Am close to both dsd.

yes, I think you are, a bit

by leaving the house as you suggest, you are saying that your dd is worth more than her half sisters.

This shouldn't be about what your sds will get from other people, but what they will get from you as a couple. Your dd will have the life policies, increase those if you want to.

The house my dh and live in with our dd will be split equally between her and her half-brother. We have life policies that benefit both as well. He will also inherit from his mother and grandfather, but that is nothing to do with us.

All our assets are to be split between each of our children equally (DD , DS who is mine and DSD who is Dhs) we feel that is the only fair way to do it. All 3 children are entitled to the same. The thought of giving one more than the others fills me with dread TBH, can you imagine the hate and resentment it would cause at a time when they should be united.

I have to say I think your way is fairer - the older girls will inherit twice, your DD only once. I think you do have to look at the whole picture, not just what they will inherit from you as a couple. Your DH's half of the house clearly needs to be split into 3. The DSDs will also inherit from their mother, whereas your DD won't have anyone else to inherit from. So your half of the house should go to your DD - otherwise she will be disadvantaged.

I hav 2 DCs from a previous marriage and 2 DCs with DH. Assuming we die together, his half will be split 50/50 between DCS3&4, my half will be split 25% each between all 4. Oldest 2 DCs will obviously inherit from their father as well. They will all end up with 25% of the total pot (me, DH, ex-DH) - I even produced a pie chart to prove it!

I guess I am worried about the financial side for her if something happened imminently to us both as she would live with her appointed guardian who would obviously need a largish income to support dd. Whereas dsd won't need that money and will receive the inheritance whole later on.

Thanks for all replies, this is a contentious issue at present and would love to have it sorted.

Message withdrawn

i suppose you could ensure oyur DD is provided for by allocation % to all 3 children say 30% each with 10% being allocated to the youngest daughters guardian to be used for education and upbringing????

That would be a nice idea bonkerz but I don't think 10% of our estate would cover a lifetime of care!!

I think you need to make a will now that would cover what would happen to you if you died tomorrow. ie leave your estate to a guardian to use the interest (if that's enough) to raise your dd and then split the house. You can revise your will as time goes by. Hopefully by the time you do die, all the kids will be married to billionaires and won't care!
I think it might cause more resentment if your dd gets only a third share of a little house, while her siblings get much, much more via their other families. I do think other inheritances should be taken into account. Would it be possible to explain this to the 20 year old now and see what they think?

I have agreed to review it regularly to take account of changes etc. Solicitor is coming on Sunday for the signing and we are not resolved. Oh dear.

My dh has 2 grown up dds from his first marriage. We have a dd (2.10) together. My dh's ex is still alive.

We agreed that my one dd is entitled to receive all of my half of our combined estate while his 3 dds are entitled to equal shares of his half. Thus, our dd gets 2/3 (all of my 1/2 + 1/3 of his) and my dsds each get 1/6 each.

This takes into account that his eldest 2 will inherit from their mother while my dd obviously won't. IMHO, given that your dsd's mum is also still alive, it would unfair on your own dd to do otherwise.

Each child has a right to inherit from both her mother and her father. To do as your dh (and some posters) suggests would mean that your dsds would inherit from their mother, their father and from you at the expense of your dd. Not fair.

No idea if it is possible to do this, but could you write the will to be settled one way if either/both of you died before your dd is 18 or 21 (taking into account her very different financial needs/those of her guardian), and then specify that assets be divided another way (ie, more 'equally') if you both die after she is an adult?

Do a pie chart! Split it into thirds - a portion for you, DH and the DSDs' mother. Then split each of the portions into sections according to what you think is equitable - i.e all of your portion for your DD, 1/3 each for your DH's portion, 1/2 each for DSDs' Mum's portion.

SO: your DD gets 33.33% of total pot.
DSDs get 11.11% of pot from their father (a third of a third) + 16.66% (half of a third) from their mother.

You could split as you suggest with the stipulation that your half of the house is created into a trust fund and when the youngest child has reached 21 then what is remaining is split equally between all three of them. That way your dd is provided for adequately until she is an adult but the all have an equal share of it.

I do think your suggestion is fair but it could be an olive branch to offer your dh?

Your suggestion is fair imo. I have a brother and a half sister. DB and I will inherit from our mother, half sister will get nothing from hers, so my father is leaving more to her than to us. Perfectly reasonable to take into account other circs.

Your suggestion is the only fair one. Your step-children will also inherit from their mother.

This is a tricky one isn't it? I think YANBU which is a rarity for these threads

I think that what you are suggesting is eminently fair and reasonable

I see both side but really unfair to exepct your husband to provide a greater share of his estate for the children from his second family as opposed to those from his first.

If you feel your daughter needs more financial protection buy more life assurance it is not expensive really and would save potential bad feeling now (you and DH) and in the future (the 3 children).

What the other children may or may not inherit is immaterial really.

I like this piechart idea

Let's explore it again.

DH's first wife legacy - value 50
DH's legacy - value 30
OP's legacy - value 20

total value - 100

DSD's get half of 50 each from the first wife - so 25 each PLUS 10 each from DH's legacy

So they will get 35% each, total 70%

OP's DD will get 10 from DH's legacy plus 20 from the OP - so will get 30%

It's not as though the OP's DH did not contribute to the house etc of the first family

I have a bit of an infamous reputation for sticking up for first families who often suffer but in this case it does sound fair.

yikes, what a dilemma alright. I wouldn't have a clue how to figure it out.

I suggest that house 1/3 each. Life policies you use to cover DD.

Don't know why, I always feel life policies are like a little bucket you can stick a label on. If necessary (based on age and circumstances) a lower policy for 11 year old and bigger policy for 1 year old.

Yeah unfair on 20year old, but if you describe it as policies to allow a guardian to take care of children, then obviously DD would end up (in those unfortunate circumstances) outwith a parent - relative, whereas SD2 has a parent and SD1 is grown up.

Thanks for all those suggestions but of course things are always more tricky than they appear. Dsd have different mums so will inherit different amounts with 11 year old poised for a huge windfall as she is the only child there and mum has lots of money. 20 year old less so although has money coming from maternal gp, currently in trust. I do have life policies but cannot really increase them as dh is a smoker and its already very pricey. It seems there is no solution, the silly thing is that if we predecease one another, and that is far more likely than both being bumped off together, then we inherit the house from one another and can do anything either of us wants to do with it.
It is impossible to predict how things will turn out, that is why I found the will writing service that allows us to make regular changes.

You say that you own the house together. Are you registered as joint tenants or tenants in common? If the former, you will have a problem writing your wills to ensure the outcome that you want. If, say, your dh predeceases you, the house will automatically pass to you and will never form part of his estate - so he will not be able to leave any portion of it to his dds. Equally, if you predecease him, the reverse will happen. If you want to leave your shares of the house in specific proportions, you will need to sever the joint tenancy and set up a trust deed showing your respective shares, which can then be left as you wish in your wills. You would also need to word your wills so that the surviving spouse does not have to sell the house so that the beneficiaries get their money, e.g. the remaining spouse could have a life interest in the other's share, which would pass to the beneficiaries on the death of the survivor.

That aside, I do think your take on who gets what proportion is the fairest. Each DSD gets an inheritance from their respective mothers, so your dd should inherit wholely from you. Your dh's estate should be shared equally between his 3 dds.

Tricky area, isn't it? My mum and step-dad have set their wills up so everything is divided equally between the five of us, regardless of what we might stand to inherit from our other parent. (And bear in mind, other parent could decide to give it all to the local cats' home).

Wish dh's family was as straightforward. As it is, dh owns half of the mum and step-dad's house, so obviously gets his half back when the house is sold. MIL thought the other half was left to her, and from her to dh and her other ds, completely disinheriting the step-dad's own two kids. Apparently this was "all agreed" (verbally .. years ago .. ) because the step-kids would inherit their mum's house so it was fine.

Turned out step-dad was actually planning to leave his half of the house to his kids, on the grounds that my dh would give his mum his half. Alas not. We need that money back! (Actually we need it now but what can you do).

So I agree with Freckle, your dh's estate should be shared equally between his three girls.

bamboostalks, it is not up to you to redress the balance for your dsd's. What they stand to inherit from their respective mothers is not your problem. You can legitimately lay claim to half of the estate you and your dh have accumulated together (his former wife/wives having had settlement on divorce) and the other half is his. I really do suggest thinking of it that way.

You have one child to whom you can leave all of your estate and your dh has 3 children to whom he can leave equal shares of his. Surely any other division would be unfair to your dd.

Our solicitor reminded us when making our wills that, should I die before dh (as is likely, frankly, as he is 20 years older) I would be under no legal obligation to go along with this arrangement as our wills stipulate that I will inherit all of dh's estate if I am still alive when he dies. Nevertheless, I consider myself under a moral obligation to ensure that his older dd's inherit what is rightly theirs even if they have to wait until I turn up my toes to get it. But it will be as described above.

That is how I see it too, I paid for half the house and continue paying for the mortgage. Dsd2 mum received half the equity in their previous house which was owned only by my husband and paid for by him but he did the decent thing. So surely my dsd are receiving a double inheritance whilst dd receives half.