A question of inheritance.

[bamboostalks]

Dh and I are writing our wills. He has 2 dd from previous relationships and we have a dd together. His dd are 20 and 11 our dd is 1. His oldest is out in the world working etc and self sufficient and will inherit money at 21 from trust fund. 11 year old lives with her mum who has plenty of money and received a good settlement when she and dh split. Dh and I own a house together which we equally paid into and that's it for assets apart from life policies. Assuming we both die together, Dh wants to leave house divided into 3 even shares wheresas I want to leave my half to my dd and his half to be split 3 ways. The life policies (both of which I indepently pay for as dh doesn't believe in them) are to be left to my dd as she has the greatest need should we both die. This is becoming a bit of a bitter wrangle now and I would welcome any advice. Am I being selfish. Am close to both dsd.

We have hideously complex step-family dynamics (too complex to describe) - but it seems to me that as you both put equal amounts into the house, Bamboo, then in the event of your and your DH's simultaneous deaths, 50% of the value of the house goes to whoever you want it to go to, and the other 50% of the value goes to whoever your DH wants it to go to. If he wants to split it three ways, that is his choice. It seems unfair if you end up giving part of "your" share to his children (even if you like them) rather than to your own child, whose need would in any case be far greater than anyone else's.

Good luck - these things are horrible...

Dh has now decided that as I want to leave my half to my daughter, he will leave his half to my sd equally so they will receive 25% each and essentially our daughter together receives nothing from him. This really upsets me and I think he is unfair but to be honest am totally worn out with the whole thing.

You need to point out to him that, if he does that the end result will be that each child inherits from their respective mothers, but only his other dcs will inherit from him. Where's the fairness in that? And what happens if you have another child together?

bamboo, have been reading this thread with interest. Some of the posters have given really good advice and QS has calculated nicely and fairly.

If I were you, I'd refuse to sign on Friday. He has responsibility for his dd from a previous marriage but he also has the same responsibility for his smallest child. The little one hasn't chosen which family she belongs to and she deserves the same care and protection as the other two.

Your dh is being unreasonable and downright mean. It is unfair and he should be ashamed treating a child of his (no matter with which mother) like this!

BTW: I don't think he can legally cut your dd out of his will and assets. In Germany we have a so called 'duty part' which kicks in even if you disinherit a child. He is potentially stoking the flames of a legal row among his children after his death.

I thought if you die "together" the elder is deemed to predecease so the will of the younger would override anyway.

I don't think there is any right answer. But I can understand your DH response to you saying half to your dd, and nothing for his. For him all three are his dd, and its an understandable emotional reaction. For you its equally understandable, given what the dsd can get on the other side from their mother.

I don't know what policies you have in proportion to the house. Each of mine are about equal in value to the house. (I figure house all paid, policy for cash, policy for tax liabilities, pension in trust)

Can you not compromise and do a 1/3 each on the house but keep the policies for dd1?

If not, then I can only suggest you sit down and discuss it from a point of view that if today you both went, then who needs what.

e.g. DD needs the most as other relatives/people would be looking after her and she is 1, DSD2 the next by age but has mother, and then DSD3 by virtue that she is grown.
Don't include that they would inherit from others though, stick with what each need from you only. (Saying that to avoid some of the emotion)

We have a similar situation, and have split it as my half goes to our dds, and dh's half splits between our dds and his dc.
they will inherit form their mum.

We have also taken out life policy things for his dc, so if anything was to happen to dh, then they would inherit immediately.
We have sepaarte policies for us.