I am looking for feedback before I cause anymore problems.
My partner and I live together and have a newborn. He has 2 adult children (m20, f18) who live with us 50% of the time. Which is their choice to continue this until they are in a position to get their own place.
My partner and I have clashed a lot over the last year about how much ‘free rein’ his children get in our house. He feels as they are adults they should be allowed to come and go and do as they please. I agree to an extent, HOWEVER, I do not agree that they can have partners over every time they are in our house and staying over whenever they like.
We live in my house, which is a modest 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, so space is tight. Also I am 9 weeks postpartum. I don’t want other people in the house all the time.
We had a massive fight about this and almost split up as I refused to back down. As I strongly feel my needs during this postpartum period is more important than teenager / young adults wants.
We reached an agreement with no sleep overs until baby is sleeping better and I feel ready and their partners can come over a couple of times a week for dinner but not every day they are here.
Neither of his children pay ‘digs’ . They had one chore each which again was a point on contention as the 18f had to be reminded every time or it wouldn’t get done. The chores were what you would expect of primary age children. I.e clean the bathroom once a week and turn the dishwasher on and empty it when done.
I have since refused to do their laundry so that is on them to do themselves now and if they don’t they will feel the impact of it. Not me.
Last night we got into it again. He offered his children the dinner left overs for lunch and was taking a portion for himself to work. I verbalised the observation that he never makes me up a portion of leftovers or even offers me some. I am lucky if I get the chance to use the bathroom in peace during the day sometimes as baby has colic so making a meal is usually out of the question, however he sorts himself out and his adult children with lunch for the next day, bearing in mind both his children were off work / college the next day. His response, “they’re my kids, I think about them. I don’t think about you”
Well I was pissed. I removed myself from the conversation but tried to speak later and he doubled down by saying that he “fathered them and will always think about them and that he is not my father”
I am still pissed. I am getting zero sleep as I do all the night feeds as he thinks his sleep can’t be disturbed because he is working. He now takes baby for a few hours in the morning at weekends to let me catch up on sleep but even this took an argument.
I haven’t ate a balance meal during the day since baby was born unless my mum has come up and made it for me and yet his adult children still trump me.
So…Am I being selfish or doI have a right to feel pissed off that not only do his adult children still come first but it is clear I am not even an equal?