Territorial step children

[Mindfulgal]

Really stuck on how to navigate this. I have two children and my fiance has two children. We have been together for a long time since the children were all very young and all have a great relationship. My children don’t have a relationship with their father and see my fiance as a father figure. There have been times where my children have spoke about my fiance as their step-dad or dad and his children have been really upset about it. They don’t want to share their father and are really territorial about it which is completely understandable but I’m not sure how to keep all children happy and not have any of them upset. There’s a back story as to why my children don’t see their father and they are heartbroken about it so I think them wanting to call my fiance dad is a lot to do with feeling rejected by their own father. It’s really hard to see my children upset and they are too young to understand why things are the way that they are.

If everyone moved out when blended families get hard noone would be together. Counselling or family support to help navigate this healthily would be good but if anything preventing your children calling him dad, reinforces a territorial idea that there is only much love to go round and you should fight for it.

Learning to navigate jealousy and competition happens between all siblings/ friend groups and kids need guidance from adults to feel safe and secure.
There are healthier ways to develop childrens social and emotional skills. Bonus mums and dads are a lovely part of blended families and i think it is normal for names to evolve as families evolve. They shouldnt be prevented from describing him as a step dad, that sounds petty. You can acknowledge insecurities of children without letting them do mean things in order to cope with it.
Clearly people on this thread have their own baggage and feelongs to navigate as well.

If everyone moved out when blended families get hard noone would be together

If people didn't force their children into "blended" families there would be a lot fewer unhappy children out there.

The same could be said of divorce actually more so tbh... but I for one am very glad as an adult I was able to make an adult choice.

This, and the use of 'territorial' by op makes me think she and her dc are the territorial ones, which can't be pleasant for his children when they visit.

To the PP who said their father's love is divided.

I can see, through the eyes of a child who spends 50% of time with one parent and then 50% of the time with the other parent, that is how it might seem.

My opinion is it's on the adults to model that love is not finite.

A selfish choice.

@ChonkyRabbit yes I was v selfish to leave my ex husband because of abuse we faced and the mental wellbeing of my child 🤣 what was I thinking ?!?

Lord the crazies really are coming out loud and vocal on here 😂😂

Sorry, I'll dumb it down: selfish to force your children into a "blended" family.

@ChonkyRabbit reading isn't your strong suit is it ?

My previous comment -
"The same could be said of divorce actually more so tbh... but I for one am very glad as an adult I was able to make an adult choice"

I was pointing out I made an adult choice to divorce. I haven't ever blended my family either. It's amazing the projections people make without reading.

But thank you for "dumbing" it down for me 🤣🤣

That’s a very radical suggestion. Both the dad & stepmum are trying everything they can to accommodate both sets of children, but moving out is far too drastic and doesn’t teach the children very good life lessons, appreciate they’re young, but blended families are a part of life and as long as you’re all considerate and understanding then that’s all you can do. I’d just focus on positive reinforcement about you all being a bigger family

Chonky why are you in a step parenting thread, you clearly disapprove of blended families, are you on here just to upset yourself?