Ex keeps telling DP to move

[mistletoeandwine86]

Hoping that by posting on this board I will get a more balanced view.
my DP lives in a one bedroom flat and he has his 2 children EOW and some of the holidays. When they stay, they sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the sofa bed.
the children are same sex, so I don’t really think this is much of an issue. DP’s ex has said recently though that as the children get older they need to have their own beds.
i don’t disagree that that would be the ideal, but at the moment it’s not possible. DP is still in his first 2 years of being self employed and can’t afford to get onto the housing ladder yet. His ex has told him this morning that if he doesn’t get a 2 bedroom within the next year then she will stop the children coming to stay. They are now 10 and 7. we live in a VERY expensive area. DP pays in rent the same as his ex pays in mortgage on a whole house.
DP is very worried about what is going to happen next, and doesn’t want to not have his children. I think she is being ridiculous and the children are fine sharing a bed still as they are same sex.
looking for advice really.

I think he could get one fold out bed and then at least they'd have a bed each. Best he can do really

It sounds like his DDs have told their mum they’re not happy.

If I was him I would get a fold up bed and they can take in turns which one sleeps on that and which one sleeps in his bed.

He's sitting on 6 figures and he can't change the layout of his flat for gods sake!!!!! It's just a fucking ikea bed just get rid of it and as pp said bunk bed with double at bottom. Or completely change the entire flat. Lots of people make it work in small spaces.
Ideally he should be moving but this is the bare minimum he could at least do.

If he's sitting on £100k, surely he just moves to a 2 bed for the next year until he can secure a mortgage?

It's extra rent or solicitors fees by the look of it.

And she's actually given him that year to sort it anyway? But I do think he should be sorting it sooner.

They deserve their own space.

He has the kids 4 days a month, there are plenty of shift work he can do that would still allow him to have his kids 4 days a month.

So he can easily afford to rent a two bed and buy his children a bed each, he just doesn’t want to.

She's 100% right. She isn't a bit rich either she bought him out and is paying for the house they live in.

She isn't even been unreasonable she's giving it one more year for him to come up with a solution. With those ages and the onset of puberty it's not appropriate.

So he needs to figure out how to bring his move forward so they have access to separate beds or find a way to provide them in his current rental.

Team Exwife I’m afraid. They shouldn’t have to share a bed. If he wants overnight custody arrangements he needs to sort beds out for them.

He needs a short term solution as others mentioned - bunk beds! The bottom one can be a double bed for when he's in there too. Longer term he does need to think about his earning potential.

First thing to do is buy an inflatable mattress or a z bed or one of those futon chairs.. then the boys can sleep in separate beds.
That's all that's needed.
The ex is being a fruit loop trying to stop contact because they don't have their own rooms. That will not stand at all in court. They are the same sex so there is no necessity in law for them to have separate rooms ever. Obviously ideally they would.. but this is NOT a valid reason to stop contact.
They do need their own separate beds tho.

It's not about separate rooms it's about them not having their own beds and that they don't even have one room to share between them. The have to sleep in their dad's bed and bedroom when they stay with him.

She's not insisting on separate rooms though. She's insisting on separate beds in a room separate from their Dad.

Perhaps he's told her the same as OP has told us - that he can't do anything with the beds in the current bedroom, and that's why she's insisted he moves somewhere that can accommodate a better set up, and give the children their own private space.

How can he not afford to step up to a 2 bed rental when he’s got £100k in the bank?

Its is not unreasonable to expect a parent to have a bedroom for their children of their own. Whether the girls share a room or not, they need their space at their parents home to treat as their own.

He needs to sort this out, yes. In the meantime, he needs to provide separate beds. Maybe he gets a set of bunk beds and builds them against the wall in the bedroom so they have a bed each (with him still sleeping in the living room on their nights).

But I have to agree with their mum that the girls need a room for themselves at his house.

Of course it's possible to get the DC their own beds. He needs to get rid of the double bed he usually sleeps in and get a single bed and two bunkbeds. He has the single when he's in the bedroom and the DC use the bunkbeds when they're over and he's on the sofa. It's unreasonable to expect them to share a bed just because he prefers to sleep in a double bed.

don’t think this will work in the room, it’s a rented flat and there is a built in wardrobe/storage above and around the bed

So switch the rooms then. Have the bedroom as the living room and the living room as the bedroom with bunkbeds in.

Don't get a double bed for the bottom one either. Have 3 singles. Nobody wants to always be sleeping in someone else's bed. The DC have no space at all, the least they can have is a bed that's solely theirs and nobody else sleeps in it when they're not there. Then they can store a few boxes of possessions underneath the bottom bunkbed and have that tiny bit of space as theirs.

Better still, if he has a daybed in the living room instead of a sofa and sleeps there always, there'll be more room in the living room for his DC to use.

I think self-employment is an indulgence when you have children. You have to put them first and that might mean having a full-time job if self-employment doesn't pay enough for you to look after your children.

Get him to buy a bunk bed which has a double bed on the bottom bunk.

RTFT !!!!

He needs to speak with a specialist mortgage advisor because I don’t believe this is true regarding the 3 years. Some mortgage advisors are rubbish some may not be qualified in self employment

Sorry but I agree with mum.

At 11 and 8 (which they will be by the time the year has passed) the 11 yo will presumably be at secondary which makes a big difference.

It wasn't a case of shift work or self-employment was it, he could have got a normal PAYE job that worked round his kids. And he should have done as he knew he could only afford a 1 bed flat. Which is rubbish because he could have rented a 2 bed, or he could now.

He got his part of the equity out of the house.

Oh come on, he only sees his kids 4 days a month so being able to see more of them is not the reason he quit his higher paying job and went self employed, he did it to reduce / avoid child maintenance.

And the kids being boys (you slipped up in your subsequent post) actually makes a big difference to them sharing a bed and puberty looming.

Shift work or self employment are not the only options (as it happens many of us with childcare responsibilities including in blended families are shift workers and make it work). He needs to earn enough to adequately house his children. This is unlikely to involve starting a new venture with dependent children. Sometimes these ideas have to wait.