Are we being unreasonable?

[GreerGarrisonWinbury]

DP has DC EOW and half the school holidays.
4 years ago DP’s ex moved 40 miles away to be near her family and the DC go to school there.
DP’s ex has just given birth and she wants us to take the DC so she can recover.
It isn’t our fault she decided to have another baby.
Earliest drop off at school is 8am and latest pick up is 5pm.
If I do the drop off it is 120 mile round trip for me from home to school and then to work.
Is it unreasonable for us to say no, this does not work for us during term time, with our working hours and leave has already been booked for half the school holidays.
We have said are happy to collect the DCs every Friday for the weekend and return them to school on the Monday morning but during the week just doesn’t work.
DP is stressed because he wants to see DC as much as he can but logistically it doesn’t work and ex keeps calling.

She has just had a premature baby and has asked the DCS father to have them for a week when she gets home

How many times on here do we have SMs saying they do nto want the SDCs around for the first week/ month etc

Dad can have his DCS and take them to school for a week

Sorry not unreasonable ask from the mother

Yes this is very true, and usually the step mum is supported

How do you do 50/50 when the ex wife has moved so far away? You’re saying he only does four days a month and that’s awful, ignoring that the op said he wants to see his children more and would love it if they lived there. I don’t think it’s a choice he only does four days. Also, he’s offering to do all weekends but that’s not what she wants. What she wants seems to be what’s leading, not what’s best for the children.

Op , my partner used to be an electrician and I completely understand what you are saying about your dp having to work to a tight schedule as a builder .

Disagree. It's usually a chorus of disapproval and 'you knew what you were getting into/if they were your own children you wouldn't send them away'.

Anyway, the OP and her DP would surely be stepping up without hesitation if the mother hadn't moved 40 miles away. The issue here isn't the help, it's the distance created by the mother. She lives opposite the school and has lots of local support. OP and DP would have to give up work time/annual leave and drive 160 miles a day to do school runs, so really not unreasonable to expect help closer to home.

This is their mother not wanting them around not their stepmother.

The issue doesn't seem to be the OP and her husband not wanting the children but the issue of hours of travel which was something caused by the mother deciding to move away.

How many times on here do we have SMs saying they do nto want the SDCs around for the first week/ month etc

Yes they say it for the exact same reasons as the mum. Time with new baby, recovery, baby is poorly, etc..

Only the SM doesn’t get her own way. She posts because she’s frustrated at not having it her way. So why she the children’s actual mum get her own way?

I’m all for women supporting women, but not when it’s all one sided. One woman should be offered loads of support and understanding and the other one not? That’s certainly how it feels.

MN is generally not in support of SMs having time away from the dscs when she’s just had a baby, so I can’t really see why people should be in support of the children’s actual mum having time away from those same children.

MN is generally not in support of SMs having time away from the dscs when she’s just had a baby, so I can’t really see why people should be in support of the children’s actual mum having time away from those same children.

Totally agree @funinthesun19 And its far more understandable not to want other people's children around under the circumstances, but the mother in this thread doesn't even what her own children around!

Yes, it sounds that way, but that doesn't change the distances involved

The baby is now out of intestive care and no longer linked up to machines. I don’t know the full details as we haven’t been told anything other than the baby is not in intensive care.
We will be picking up the DCs tomorrow and they will be with us until Monday morning.

I don’t see how the age of my DC is relevant.

So I have been told today. I don’t know if the baby was even still in intensive care yesterday.

My DC is and doesn’t live at home anymore. Why should I dismiss a man that I get on very well with just because he has children with someone else.

The stepmum is supported? You sure this is Mumsnet you're talking about?

Don’t understand who you talking about here.
The mother of my DP’s children has had a baby with her new partner who lives with her.
So 2DC are my DP’s and now there is a third with her new partner. We would have happily taken the children if it was not so far away and logistically very difficult.

She needs to hire someone to help her. She should get a childminder to take them home.

If it was me, Iwould tell your DH that you're not getting involved. You're not on the pick up list and he can't do it without you, so he needs to tell her, HE can't do it. Why should you have a 120 mile journey

She should get help locally.

You're not being unreasonable and that nonsense of sending pics of the baby would piss me off and make me less likely to help. Irs manipulation.

You're not being unreasonable and that nonsense of sending pics of the baby would piss me off and make me less likely to help. Irs manipulation.

This

She’s stopped asking now. Seems this weekend is enough. I’ve asked DP if he can ask her if we can have them next weekend as well as my work have a family day with BBQ, drinks and activities for the kids.