The straw that broke the camel’s back part two - the thread with the happy ending (hopefully!)

[JH20000]

Part two.

London trip was amazing and the show was great!

So the vets know now they absolutely do not have permission to do this? Just in case he has a woman call them or writes a letter or email pretending it’s from you?

Unfortunately you ignored his emails so he is thinking of more ways to get at you. He isn’t living his best life, he’s pissed at you for his life being the way he’s created it to be. Taking your dog would hurt you, this is the reason.

i would go to a solicitor for a chat. Think about getting a letter sent out to him, it might be enough to frighten him off. Spell out that any other contact will be considered harassment and will be reportable to the police. If he needs contact he can do it through the solicitors office (which I doubt he will do).

He’s certainly not moving on.

Jesus! He just doesn't stop does he. I've got second hand embarrassment on his behalf!

Ignore the email and think about changing your vet.

I'm beginning to think there is really only one way to stop this man,

i would go to a solicitor for a chat. Think about getting a letter sent out to him, it might be enough to frighten him off. Spell out that any other contact will be considered harassment and will be reportable to the police. If he needs contact he can do it through the solicitors office (which I doubt he will do).

It's time. He needs a cease and desist letter and any further contact needs to be done via a solicitor. And change vets asap, I agree with pp that he will try to get ex to impersonate you.

Does he have any documentation proving he is part owner at all such as his name on proof of sale receipt? If not then it's his word against yours but you have the microchip in your name as registered owner, that counts for a lot.

oh god I didn’t actually think of that possibility.

I will call them today about this because it’ll sit on my mind else.

Thank you. I think I may be at that point to take it further now. He knew bringing up the dog would get a reaction.

I am not sure how this works though, would it be a family law solicitor I see? Sadly law is not my forte!

I am not sure how this works though, would it be a family law solicitor I see? Sadly law is not my forte!

Me neither but I think you would need a criminal lawyer as it's against the law to stalk and harass, and if he continues could end up behind bars.

I would also suggest talking to your local police to see what other steps you can take to protect yourself. You don't have to officially report him yet, but you do need to know what they can do if a solicitors letter doesn't stop him. Good luck.

I think if you contact a local women’s domestic abuse charity I would think they might have a list of local contacts who are good at dealing with this sort of thing.

Can you register the dog at a different vet surgery?

I would post in the Legal Matters sub before hiring a lawyer. A vengeful ex can run up a big bill for you by contacting them loads (which they will bill you for). Ignore as much as you can but make a record of it.

I haven’t read all the replies on your other thread, so sorry if this is been suggested already, but you can contact the NCDV and they can support you with getting a non molestation order.

www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/

Hope things have been going okay OP and no more drama.

Just checking in as I had a bit of a cry earlier and a wobble. Found out ex and one of his girlfriends are engaged. Found out through instagram of all places.

He never wanted to marry me and made me out to be crazy because I wanted marriage. I wanted it before it obviously went all wrong!

I now know he didn’t want marriage specifically with me.

I feel silly to still be hurting. Is this normal?

I think I miss the idea of being in a relationship, rather than the idea of him. The news has really stirred up emotions in me. Feeling a bit sad about it all in general.

I completely sympathise - it's a blow to the self esteem, even if irrational.
Just remind yourself you had a lucky escape, from being the scapegoat for his kids etc.
Actually the girlfriend is really to be pitied. Yes she gets the ego boost that he proposed, but her life with him will be shit, like yours would have been with him.

I didn’t think I’d feel so hurt but I do today. I feel angry at myself for snooping by clicking on her profile when it popped up. Wish I hadn’t.

It does feel like a blow to the self esteem. Irrational me is thinking I’m not worthy enough to propose to and what’s wrong with me etc etc etc.

You are looking at this completely the wrong way OP.

You should really be thinking 'that poor woman'! imagine the years of misery she's got ahead of her. Imagine being shackled to that family, seriously ?!? why would anyone be jealous of that.

You need to give your head a wobble (in the nicest possible way). You're falling into that cliché female internal dialogue of 'I'm not worthy enough'. That your value is somehow determined by having this loser pick you. Stop that right now! Enough!

Your value and worth are not determined by some misogynistic physically abusive arsehole thinking you are good enough. You know you're good enough. That's all there is. No one is going to come along in life and give you self worth so don't waste years by pining for it. Go out and get it yourself.

He is genuinely a very mentally disturbed and unwell human OP. He has created years of agonising drama for you out of absolutely nothing, just to play with you and torment you like a toy. I bet he pulled the legs off insects as a child.

You're doing so well but just remember how he treated you both at first and then later down the line, he will be doing the same to these other women in due course. He's probably proposed to this woman just to upset you and ex and whoever else cares.

Honestly though it's actually seriously devaluing yourself to even interact with this low life, even by giving him headspace. He is an absolute cretin.

He reminds me of my charming ex husband. For the first 5 years after I left him I got an email every birthday, Christmas Day, Valentine's Day and what would have been our wedding anniversary to tell me how much of a bitch I am, how useless I was and how happy he is with his new wife.
Don't let him get to you, and don't for one second think you weren't worthy of him. You're well shot of the twat.

Wow what a catch she has gotten herself . Meanwhile you have a ddog.. Which would you prefer waiting for you at home?

I completely understand that feeling of not being worthy enough of him asking.... irrational as it is especially given that he is a shit.
Can you go back to your old post and read your posts, and your thinking will switch to being glad you're rid of his shit ass and his shit kids.

@JH20000 I get how you're feeling, it must have been a gut punch, and he's a complete shit.

Does it help to think, OK, he's apparently got engaged - but that doesn't mean he'll actually get married, does it. He could easily be stringing her along, which would rather fit with his MO, tbh.

Alternatively - he's seen how easily you've been able to extracate yourself from him, without him being able to touch your sole assets. There's every chance he's taken that as a learning opportunity and has got his eyes on her money!

I think everyone in my life has expected me to be over him by now. Anytime I’ve tried to talk about it I feel people just roll their eyes now.

I have never felt so up and down about a break up ever before. It just feels like waves of pain that come out of nowhere and wipe me off my feet momentarily.

I think if I were happy in my own love life I wouldn’t have given a shit but it’s just highlighted the fact I’m alone and I don’t want to be. I want to be loved too. I don’t think he loves her though, I don’t think he knows how to love.

Tonight has been really shit and I’ve had a massive cry.

I think you are genuinely traumatised by what he has put you through for years.

He gaslit you and it's an awful awful thing to endure.

Be very kind to yourself.

Of course you are up and down all the time, because he's done nothing but play with you since the break up.

I also strongly suspect that he's got engaged as he knows it'll get back to you, the man is a waste of oxygen, but he's been emotionally abusing you for years so it'll take some time to come to terms with it

I would put money on this engagement being about optics and nothing more.
He has been desperate to show you that he has moved on.
He's a head wreck, him his ex, his children.
You will move on.
You will feel better.
He was never going to make you happy.