I guess I am looking for insight/thoughts/views please!
My DP and I have been together 6 years, he was married beforehand has 2 DD and an amicable split with his EW. When he separated from his EW he moved in with his parents half a mile from the family home and because he was amicable with his EW he was able to do his fair share of the parenting - i.e. popping in whilst she was at work to make dinner, pick them up run them round etc. When he left his DD were 13 and 17.
6 months after the initial separation we met, 6 months after we met it starting being more serious and his set up sounded really healthy but I wanted to check it wasn't too good to be true, I want to make sure he was actually separated as he was there a lot. He arranged for his EW, him and me to meet. This was all fine, she knew about me and reassured me it was all above board.
Fast-forward a few more months and we begin to live together, this is 20 mins from the family home. This didn't deter or change how much he was involved with his DDs, homework, pick ups, driving lessons etc. His DDs came to mine all the time, weekends, evenings, trips out, cooking, baking, hair etc. This works well for the first few years, when covid hit it was alot harder but we still did online things and walks together when allowed etc. I really feel he put as much into having an equal responsibility to their DD and I got on so well with them too.
However the last year it all seems to have shifted, last year I got cancer and had treatment and surgery at the same time they decided to sell the family home. His youngest - 18 was doing A Levels applying to uni etc and his eldest back living at home doing a part time job. This was the agreed stage to sell the family home split the proceeds (in her favour).
For the entire time he lived with his parents and with me - he continued to pay 100% of what he did when he lived there - to try and ensure continuity until his youngest was 18. This was tough on both of us essentially having 2 mortgages and bills to pay for and his ex was really lucky to continue working part time hours.
The house sells, his EW cannot afford anything she likes and they agree he will help her with a few extra ££ the split ends up at 70% to her 30% to him. She can more than afford a house outright but buys one with a VERY SMALL mortgage (like £40k). I think this is the catalyst for the issues as it caused the first rift between him and his EW regarding the money, her having to compromise, it has also then been backed up by both DDs saying poor mum this and that etc so they are aware of everything.
Whilst the house situation was midway through, his youngest is ignoring him, he calls, messages etc and after a month gets a long message essentially saying ''I don't like your personality, being around you is too stressful for me, please don't expect to hear or see much of me in the future'' he is heartbroken, we are now nearly through her first year at Uni and she has ignored him the entire time, wont see him and said hello on FaceTime on xmas day for 15 seconds.
His eldest is better but very distant, she got her first full time job and is swamped with the feeling of being busy for the first time. She cant see him in the evenings after work because she's too tired, she cant see him on Sundays because she has work the next day and she needs her Saturdays to chill - probably see's him every 6-8 weeks.
He is devastated by all of this and gets his girls are older and need him less and some of this is natural but he is just so down. I have tried everything I can think of but at a bit of a loss. He obviously had to be supportive to me whilst I was poorly and maybe this has caused an additional distance but I dont know really just trying to rationalise where possible.
thank you for reading xx