How do you split the costs?

[Woodstocks]

Hello all,

My partner has two sons from a previous marriage, they are primary school aged. We moved in together and bought a house and now split the mortgage, bills and food costs 50:50. The kids are here every other weekend and half the holidays.

I am getting to the point where I feel it isn’t fair to split everything down the middle - the mortgage (even though the extra room is needed for HIS kids) would at least build equity for me overtime but the food money is just gone and with them growing and the horror stories of “teen boys eating” and being here for a whole week during holidays, plus the other weekends etc I feel like I would be significantly out of pocket over the years to come.

I keep thinking “ah it’s only a bit of extra this and extra that” in terms of hygiene items, toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, extra washing tablets, extra dishwasher runs etc. but then again- these things aren’t free and that’s what their mum gets maintenance for- to cover the extra living costs that are clearly involved.

What would be a fair reflection of the extra cost of them
being here?

Don't you pay in to the pot in proportion to your earnings, so that you each have a fair amount of spending money?

Never got this argument. Could understand if they had shared kids and the mum had stepped off her career to raise them but if not, why should the higher earned subsidise the lower earner's fun? Date in your lane

Adequately supporting your own kids would avoid this

Dh and I spilt everything down the middle both earn about the same. I have 3 kids with ex and one with him. He still pays for his half for kids that aren't his. I didn't ask for it to be this way he was more than happy too. Says when he married me the kids was part of the deal

I never understand these posts with all the HIS KIDS, nonsense. You are family, they are YOUR step kids. Do you really resent them that much? I am a step parent and adore my stepdaughter, I really don’t understand the us and them mentality.

I agree, who the hell thought this one up! She doesn't have children with this guy so why should she have the same spare money as he does when he has two children and lower earnings?

OP you have a very warped sense of cost of a child and equity - which is rare in a blended family.

Look at it in thirds - your roughly 100 /365 versus her 265/365.

HE is responsible for their costs in his third, housing gas electriicty etc- no one disagreeing with that, so if he pays extra towards food during their third with him - this is right

A third is her responsibility alone to do all the above

A third is their shared responsibility - they both need to contribute to the cost of the children in this third. If you are the RP, then most of those costs are on you, so the NRP contirbutes to those costs aswell. Both ened to maintain homes in this part but one will have a bigger cost in terms of food, clothing, heating etc

With DCs their activities which will transcend all of those third- they will swim in all the thirds. play football in all the thirds etc etc

You are very petty because you had ot point out the DCs walked to school - seriously give your brain a shake, talk to him about more monies in the kitty ofr food and get over it. If this is the start you are going to resent it evenmore when they hit secondary school - laptopns etc are a shared expende they do not come out of day to day maintenance.

No one suggesting oyu should apy for the DCS but seriously unless you are paying heaps more on electircity food etc - you need to let some things go. This is not a major battle to fight over - it is going to get worse, teen years are approaching.

No one suggesting oyu should apy for the DCS

Oh, but they very much are insisting that as a SM it’s her duty to pay for the SC. Including ensuring their mother takes them on days out etc.

She’s apparently obliged to compensate her partner for his lower earnings, his maintenance responsibilities and his greater costs so that they both have the same ‘fun’ money.

No- most people are syaing talk to her partner but when anyone starts talking bout extra toothpaste, dishwasher runs and washing tablets - their mind is set in a very sad place.
She needs to talk to her DP but anyone in a blended family needs flexibility in most aspects of life - this is not a relationship with legs

“The non-parent in the family needs to be flexible and absorb the costs.”

fixed it.

When i first moved into my partners house we went 50/50 he had the kids 60% of the time and now it’s every other weekend. Now hes asked me to pay more of the bills as he says its not fair that we go 50/50 when his children are not here all the time and there are more of us.

Are you trying to reverse this situation? Or is this you’re own situation?

I don’t understand that last post either about it can’t be a reverse as they have never lived with us 60% of the time. Anyway would he not have got maintenance from
his ex wife if he had the kids more?

Sounds like @Butterfly212 is answering the question directly as to what happens in her house.

Maybe she has more children than her DH hence him asking for more money?

Thank you yes thats what i was trying to explain maybe i didnt explain properly apologies.

I don’t have more children .

What are you explaining @Butterfly212?

Your husband and you used to have his children 60% of the time and you both contributed 50-50 to household costs?

Now the children are there much less often and your husband expects you to pay more than 50% of the costs?

And you have no children?

If that’s the case, then he’s massively taking the piss. Is he expecting you to compensate him for not just losing child maintenance but having to pay it?

If so… I suggest that you start a thread of your own to get some advice on how to sort out that level of entitlement.

@Butterfly212 tell him to get to fuck.

I’d say to split all bills 60% to him and 40% to you.

The extra 10% should cover extra extra electric, hot water, hygiene products.

id do that all year around except in school holidays when the kids are there for extended time and in those weeks I’d ask him to get the normal shop and pay for a extra £20-£30 food on top out of his wage so there was plenty for the kids

@Butterfly212 has children, not more than him as I initially said.

I guess his kids were there 60% but now they are there less. Her DC are there more so he wants her to pay more to cover their costs.

A bit like the OP’s partners position.

We have separate finances.

We split mortgage, utilities and things for shared dc 50:50.

Food We typically split the food shop 50:50 but when his kids are here he'll go and get them extra snacks / lunches / bread etc... because teens eat like you wouldn't believe.

Anything like their clothes, dinner money for school, hobbies, spending money etc he covers completely absolutely no way I'd pay for any of that.

This with bells on. The MN attitude to stepmothers is beyond ludicrous.

We have DSD 50:50. We split mortgage, bills and food 50:50, but I also buy things for the pets I had prior to meeting DH in the joint shop even though it's technically my expense so it evens out over time.

I would try to work out what it costs on weeks with the kids vs weeks without and then pay that going forwards.

This is absolute bullshit. All this entitlement from parents, when you’re dating someone, I hope you make it very clear from the start that your expecting them to be your free nanny or financially support your children, because there is no legal obligation on them to, so this ‘you knew he had kids’ line is meaningless. However, when YOU decided to have kids, you knew what you were getting into and that it is YOUR LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY. It’s his job to financially support his children, along with the mother, that’s what THEY signed up to when they decided to have them.

They aren't "dating", they are living together.

Where does she say she’s married?