Things we do

[Butterfly212]

Washing all the step children’s bedding ready for this weekend so they all have nice fresh bedding. There will be no appreciation for this or even being spoken to but onwards we go .

At least the brand new white sheets in your step kids room are not COMPLETELY destroyed by cheap fake tan. I’m furious. I’m not washing them.

we had lived in the house for about a year before my husband said ‘ we should wash the kids bedding’ ( I obviously had, many times he just hadn’t even thought about it!)

Why are you doing this?

What age are the kids?

I used to do this for my stepkids trying to prove I was all super stepmum and shit, but being their slave isn't how you build relationships and get their respect. Since the boys turned 13/14 they're responsible for their own bedding.

What has your OH done to address the fact they are rude to you?

I would be absolutely fuming. Same here DP never washes the kids bedding its all down to me I don’t think he even notices i do it regularly.

If she's old enough to wear fake tan she's old enough to wash her own sheets.

My stepson only washes his sheets a few times a year but I don't care because it's not me sleeping on them.

Unfortunately I don’t agree she is emotionally old enough but her mum doesn’t seem to care so whatever. Just annoying , I like the house to look nice and their dad makes so much effort making their rooms nice, they give ZERO fucks.

Because their bedding smells musty and i cant cope . I do my children regularly but wait for DP to do his kids then i cant stand the thought of it when they sit on my sofa with smelly duvets. He was meant to speak to them 2 weeks ago no idea if he did.

Choose to cope! And ban smelly duvets from the sofa. I think this is one where you wash them because you want to and don’t expect appreciation, or you detach and don’t care if they’re manky.

Never care more than the actual parent. It’s the road to madness.

How old is she? How emotionally old do you have to be to work a washing machine?

I like my house to look nice as well and it does. What goes on behind their bedroom door I don't care about because I don't have to look at it. Even my 6yo DSD makes her bed every morning and can keep her room tidy. My 17yo DSS not so much. His dad pulls him up if his room starts to smell and we can smell it in the hallway. Apart from that he can live in squalor if he chooses.

You're making extra work for yourself. Children generally don't appreciate a lot of the things their parents do so I'm not surprised they don't shower you with thanks for keeping their rooms clean. Maybe if they were responsible for their own rooms they would take more care to keep it nice. But when they know they can mess it up and dad and stepmum will sort it why would they care? Stop doing everything for them. Maybe their rooms will end up a mess but does that really affect you that much? Does it stop you having a nice house? Just close the door and stop worrying about it.

Mine tidy there own rooms and make beds . Its a case of different up different up bringings and a dad who doesnt tell them to do anything.

Shutting the doors makes the landing so dark so I don’t really like it, also I’m here all the time (wfh) so I like my environment as I like it. They are always tidy ( DH makes them tidy) but he doesn’t really see the dirty hand prints on doors etc or the sheets and towels etc, though he was cross about the new sheets.

( I was referring to being old enough to use fake tan tbh, but is also quite lazy as apparently teenagers are )

Can you actually smell their bedding when the room door is closed? I'm sure my DSSs bedding smells vile but unless I can smell it it's not my problem.

Either get your DH to do it or get him to make them change their bedding. Tell them to keep their duvets in their rooms. Why do they need to have them on the couch? Are they sleeping on the couch?

Dad's failure to parent doesn't mean you have to pick up his slack. Do the stepkids have their own rooms at dads?

They don’t talk to you? To what extent? Do you ask them something and they ignore you? That is not ok but children are a product of their upbringing and your DH is just as culpable in that as their mother.
Also really I don’t think any child; biological or step is ever grateful for their bedding being changed; their brains don’t work that way. My DSD does change her own bedding but that’s implemented jointly by me and DH otherwise it wouldn’t happen.
@Youcannotbeseriousreally im guessing that the fake tan is the tip of the iceberg in her not respecting things based on your update but teenage girls not thinking about fake tan on sheets is not unusual. DSDs sheets are stained by fake tan and she just had to have stained sheets, when we got more we jointly agreed to go for a colour so the same thing wouldn’t happen

No when they are watching their phones pr tv I hate duvets on the sofa we have never done it but they just do it and if i say anything its ignored.

No they have to share.

So are you saying bedroom doors are never closed because it makes the landing dark? So no one has any privacy in their own room? Can you not just get a light for the landing? Does it really matter if it's dark? Are you spending a lot of time on the landing.

You seem to be worrying yourself a lot about rooms you don't spend any time in. I work from home too but I don't see why that makes any difference unless you're working in their bedroom. My working environmental doesn't change because my stepsons room is a mess.

If she's a teenager then she's old enough to do her own washing. Why are you making excuses for her? I have 2 teenage stepsons so I completely get teenagers being lazy. Mine would sleep till 6pm all day if they could and not shower for weeks. Doesn't mean we just let themf with not doing things because they are lazy.

My children thank me for things i do for them they always have done they thank me every night when i cook dinner or sewn a top up they are not perfect but they appreciate the little things.

Your OH really needs to step up and parent them. What does he do when they ignore you? Why do they think it's ok to ignore you? It sounds like you are completely disrespected in your own home and nothing is being done about it. They will never respect you because your OH doesn't.

Did they move into your house?

They obviously shut the doors when they are in the rooms!!

i couldn’t concentrate knowing there is a mess anywhere ( that’s on me I know) it’s my house so I don’t see why I should have to make the compromise- they aren’t here for the most part!

they are barely here long enough to get the sheets off, washed dried and back on tbh! Because there is 6 of us when everyone’s here we couldn’t have individuals just doing their washing, it would be carnage ( not to mention not even a bit cost effective!)

No we moved into a new place so it was neutral when we made the move

I know the feeling. I am living by the rule of “never care more than their actual parents” too by now. In the beginning I used to hide Easter eggs for them for example - their dad just puts a bag of eggs on the table so why should I go to the trouble of arranging an egg hunt?!

If their washing is in the basket I stick it in the machine- otherwise it stays unwashed. They know how the system works. I never change beds, they have a dad who can do that if he feels it’s necessary.

I used for do homework with them and practice maths and spelling etc- until I noticed that their own dad can’t be arsed with it! So I am not doing that anymore either. They can stay in the house but any actual work relating to parenting is done by the actual parent.

Not to say that I still do the food shopping, meal planning etc and of course pick up things I know they like IF I am going ANYWAY but I am
not going out especially for that.

@Butterfly212 thsts lovely that your DC do and you’ve obviously brought them up that way; but if their dad and mum don’t instill that in them it won’t just happen. Their dad needs to say oh butterfly had changed your sheets, ate you going to thank her etc

I mean if you really can't concentrate knowing there's mess in the house then you're pretty much going to be stuck with always having to clean and wash everything. Like you said that's on you and then have to accept that and don't expect thanks from others in the house. Or maybe that's something you need to work on or you'll be pulling your hair out until they all move out.

There's 5 of us in our house. DSD is 6 so not old enough to do her own washing but she does put her laundry in the basket. I put a washing on most days in the morning and DH hangs it up. I leave one day in the week and the weekend where I don't do washing so it's free for the boys to use. As they only do washing a maximum of once a week they always have plenty for a full load.

Do the stepkids share with your bios?