Things we do

[Butterfly212]

Washing all the step children’s bedding ready for this weekend so they all have nice fresh bedding. There will be no appreciation for this or even being spoken to but onwards we go .

Yeah, I don’t pay an huge mortgage for people to treat the place like a shit tip. This would not be allowed here!

FGS stop whining about the horrendously difficult and time consuming job of shoving some sheets in a washing machine with washing that you're already doing anyway and pressing the start button.

The bitterness on here about kids that didn't ask to live with you.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

thats ‘they didn’t ask to live with you’ BINGO.

I can’t believe it took so long tbh, must be a slow day.

Yet when it’s the mum doing it, I bet it’s “The Mental Load” of thinking about when a change of sheets is necessary, the stripping of the bed, taking out used tissues that might be hiding, washing, finding a suitable place to hang these huge items, re-sheeting, etc etc etc

We have much bigger fish to fry in our daily life than dealing with DSDs room.

My DSS's sheets don't get washed until I can't stand the smell coming from his bedroom any more and tell DH to do something about it. He also never puts his towel in the wash. The last time he did it could have stood up on its own. I refused to have any of my stuff washed with it 🤮

Same. A few weeks ago DSS had stunk out the kitchen with his BO. When DH phoned me on his lunch break I said "DSS is stinking. You're going to have to have a chat with him about his hygiene again.". He's gradually getting better at doing washing but I swear he went about 2 months without doing any washing. I dread to think what was going on there because he definitely doesn't have 60 pair of pants to be able to go that long without doing a washing. Can't remember the last time he washed his bedding and his poor girlfriend comes round a couple of times a week. She must have no sense of smell. I'm like you. Not my problem until the stench seeps into the rest of the house then he's told to clean his room.

Why do you just accept this shit from your partner?

He can wash his kids’ bedding and ensure their sheets are changed. You’re either exaggerating wildly about ‘smelly duvets’ or he is happy to let them live in filth. If it’s the latter - you have a huge DP problem.

My post was simply me fed up on not being appreciated which im sure every woman feels now and then . I do things because we are meant to be a family so I won’t just wash my own childrens sheets I just want to feel appreciated no need to for the harsh comment. Have a nice evening.

‘We are meant to be a family’ so I must play my role as household appliance. It’s just a shame he doesn’t appreciate it.

I hope one day you raise your bar and expect more from a partner - and father.

I stopped doing it. I let her lay in her own grim filth and closed the door on it when she left. If she couldn’t even speak to me when she was in my company I’d be damned if I was going to clean up after her. Filthy little creature.

Yeah i think i need to start getting this mindset

I don’t think the ‘filthy little SC’ attitude is the helpful one to adopt. It’s classic stepfamily problem misdiagnosis.

The problem is not that the SC are filthy. It’s that their father just leaves them to be. He needs to change their sheets regularly and wash them.

Same with their behaviour. The problem is their dad isn’t managing it properly by parenting. He’s leaving things to you, and then scapegoating you when the kids aren’t happy.

Its a classic stepfamily dynamic - and it is a DP issue.

You can expect more from him.

Not always. My DH is constantly pulling my DSS up for his poor hygiene. He's still a smelly minging boy who lives in squalor.

I change my step kid’s beds and don’t mind. I ask them to strip them before they leave for their mum’s and they never forget because my husband reminds them. I then remake them as part of my regular routine.

I’m not saying this is right, I’m just saying that I do it. Maybe I’m mad!

Just tell your husband to wash them!
Drives me mad all the women still doing all cleaning, domestic work etc. what century are we living in?

I have no idea when my stepchildrens bedsheets were last changed and I don't care either. I do enough shit in the house working full time and looking after my own DC. Absolutely no way I'm caring more about their room than their dad does.

I'll keep my DCs nice and clean, if he's arsed he can do the same for his or heaven forbid actually ask them to tidy up after themselves for once.

I'm always aghast at the resentment I see on MN from step mothers towards the step children.
If you don't want to do it, then don't marry a parent.
It's not always easy but I think it's an honour to do your best for another mums child. And sometimes that involves some work and sacrifice, and that's OK.

An honour to change manky bedsheets when there is a perfectly capable father around who could do it if he was arsed?

What we consider an honour is clearly very different! 🤣

I think honour is a bit of a stretch.

No wonder step kids don't like step mums if they don't treat them the same as their own kids, if you don't want step kids don't get with a partner who has kids

You're not a step parent are you?

Actually, yes.

You must be one of the lucky ones with a supportive partner and no psycho ex.

I love my stepkids. In fact I got my DH to ask if we could keep my DSD an extra night last night. We have her 50:50 and I'd love to have her full time. My DSS lives here full time. Another move I fully supported.

But I completely understand why some stepmums hold resentment. Many are not listened to, are disrespected in their own homes and don't have the support of their partner. No one goes into step-parenting thinking it's going to be that way. Situations change. Partners can put on an act and lead them into a false sense of security.

Thank you for this. You have it 💯 right what its like for alot of step mums.