The most ridiculous/hilarious/ludicrous thing you've read here?

[AbigTurtlesTail]

I'll go first...

An OP being told she shouldn't have a phone background picture of only her children because it may make her stepchildren feel excluded

The naive comment 'you must have known what he was like before you married him' 🙄
No not really...some men are very good at concealing who they really are, until they have you

"you knew what you were getting into" in general.

I bloody didn't and I sure as hell wouldn't do it again.

The divorced parents board is full of people who clearly didn’t know what they were getting in to.

But sm’s are supposed to have a crystal ball. All while waiting 6 months to a year before even getting any first hand information about what his parenting is like. And even when she does, it’s all a lot for th kids so of course they’re going to need to be treated with kid gloves etc.

Just like in many other relationships, it isn’t until she’s tied up her assets in a joint mortgage or has children herself that she recognises that he was, in fact, interviewing for the nanny/houskeeper who pays her own wages (and the bills) and general scapegoat position.

The step children didn't choose this. They are the existing children. Big debate winning argument played...
... Suggesting that their younger siblings chose their family and also don't really exist so it doesn't really matter what their childhood experiences are?
Slow clap 👏

@ClutchingOurBananas
"The divorced parents board is full of people who clearly didn’t know what they were getting in to."

As is the Relationships board, and much of the AIBU board.

My personal opinion is that if you have kids and it doesn’t work out, maybe concentrate on your kids for a few years and forget new relationships for a bit. I’m sure we’d have far happier kids generally.

Well exactly. Few of us were issued with crystal balls at birth.

@Bananasandtoast it is always quite interesting how the ‘they didn’t choose this’ thing - that the children’s parents separated/divorced - is ignored in this stuff. As is the framing of it as the SM that bearing the responsibility for the choosing, not the children’s father.

In fact, the problem for the SC is often largely that their parents’ relationship failed. But somehow any SM or you get half siblings are held responsible for it by people.

Why are you giving this advice to the stepparents board?

Surely you should aim it at lone parents?

Can I ask why people get annoyed at a step parent saying "bio mum"? Is it the "bio mum" getting annoyed?!

Sorry, are you saying none of us / our husbands have done that? Mine certainly did, not that it's any excuse for any of this absolute bollocks being said to step parents. Slow clap for proving the point though.

I mean yes, you could just say Mum but it helps to diffrentiate and in, some cases the step mum (or dad) could be closer to the child than their bio mum/dad. Might say it more now haha.

Mine is that you should tolerate any bad behaviour by step kids because they are XX age. At what age is it ok to make them responsible for the effect their behaviour has on the rest of the members of the house?? Also if you do dare call them out on their behaviour/or remove yourself from the situation when they are present you hate them and should split up the family immediately because “poor child.”

And that you should tolerate bad behaviour from the ex because "she's hurt"

Even when you've explained the split was 20 years ago and she left or whatever.

It can never just be said that some women are twats. There must be an underlying reason where it is fact the husband or the step mums fault.

I think some people believe it diminishes their role as mother, they aren't the biological mum they are just mum.

I guess similar principle to people reacting to cis woman

Any person who doesn’t have stepchildren giving insane advice or being judgemental saying they would love the child the same as their own and would never act or feel the way the OP does 🙄🙄

they look at every situation through their own eyes as to how they feel about their own child(ren) and think that’s exactly how any person should feel about any random child.

When people say they know all about step parenting because they were once a step child themselves. Well yeah we were all once children ourselves but none of that gives us much useful insight as to what it's like to be an actual parent. I definitely think some posters use this board to air/project all the grievances and resentments that they can't or won't say to their parents/step parents IRL.

If anything it's a more skewed opinion because such posters often place the primary blame for anything bad on the step parent and dismiss their own parent's role to merely "mum/dad was a bit weak and let step parent dictate XYZ." No, if your parent did their job properly these people wouldn't be in your life in the first place... the buck starts and ends with the parent full stop.

@Bananasandtoast thanks for the response - I get the nuance now re the phrase.

Because the term is one largely used in fostering and adoption cases. Because my children's so-called step mum told my then (distressed and upset) 5 year old that 'don't worry about her now, she's just your biological mum. I'll be your real mum now'. Because no one would ever refer to a father who saw their children on a weekly basis as the 'bio dad' but mum's who have their children 6 out of 7 nights a week are frequently referred to as 'bio mum'. Usually by other women.

I don't mind the fact that the term is technically correct, it's more how it's used in relation to the 'new' family. It feels dismissive of the maternal relationship and assumes a mum can just be replaced by any woman wanting to take on the job. It side lines, diminishes and dismisses a relationship that is one of the two most important relationships a child has. And yes, I know it's the same as calling a father a 'sperm donor' but I personally wouldn't ever do that and expect the same treatment. My ex is a knob but his children love him.and have both the right to know him and make their own minds up about him. Which they have - a whole other story.

It's 'birth mother' that's disliked on this board. For good reason imo.

I think it was during lockdown - someone posted that they had slept with over 130 men and to ask them anything 😂 the comments were making me laugh and I believe the poster was genuine, however the post got closed down.

It's not, well I'm sure that's disliked too but I've never seen birth mother used, I've seen loads of people get slaughtered for using "bio mum"

@Workworkandmoreworknow

That is food for thought, that the male parental figures are always "their dad" or " their stepdad" but the female parent gets an extra term. I've never found "bio mum" offensive, more a means of clarifying relationships. But it is interesting how the female parental role attracts the need for clarification when the male one doen't.

Whilst she sounds awful and that's completely unacceptable, generally that's not the spirit posters are using it in. On other forums it's widely accepted.

People aren't saying it with malice like the step mum in your situation was.

Yeah this.

"If I had stepchildren I'd love them just as much as my own".

Yeah okay...

That step-mum's parents must not only accept step-grandchildren into their lives as if they were their own grandchildren, but that they are the devil incarnate if they don't spend equally or more money on them for any and every occasion, they must include them in every single thing they do for their own grandchildren.

And I kid you not I even remember a thread where someone suggested that step-mum's parents should be leaving the SC (their step-grandchildren) the same amount of money in their will as they intended to leave their actual grandchildren, and if they didn't amend their will immediately her DH would be within his rights to divorce her.

There are some batshit people on this board.