Withholding Clothes

[Justalittlerose]

Need some ideas please. SD's (9) Mum is withholding her school uniform. She comes to ours on a day that isn't a uniform day and goes from ours to school in full uniform. CMA is paid. We buy a full duplicate uniform so 3 jumpers, 6 shirts, 4 trousers and school shoes, this should be enough to cover any delays if either parent forgets one week. Court Order doesn't allow us to go to each others house so her things should be left at school on drop off day for the other to pick up when they get her. We don't care about them being our clothes as they are all hers and she should be able to wear what she wants to both houses but it leaves us with the problem of running out. What can we do? Mum is HC.

Sorry what is HC, please?

High conflict

Have you tried asking for the clothes back? If unsuccessful, take to school in normal clothes and explain all School uniform is currently at the mums. Will they contact the mum to say she needs to bring some in/return to you? It's not really for school to be involved in but you can't buy new uniform each week and school wouldn't expect you to

I would be encouraging SD to pack a bag to come to yours including her school uniform.

Does your DH pick his DD up from home for her time with you? That's the time to ask for it.

My kids packed their bag at 9. Can you ask sc to try and remember ?

Can you get DD in the habit of taking off the last set uniform and putting it (dirty) straight in her bag to bring to yours. Then you can wash it while she's at yours?

Yeah we have asked but she won't do it. I think the option might be to take her in normal clothes. I would just feel really bad for SD as she looks like a bag of rags coming from Mum's house.

No all pick ups are done at school because Mum is HC. I think getting her to pack her own bag might be a good idea. Not sure Mum will let her though but we can try.

I'm guessing there are some days you collect her from school.
I think it would be best if you kept and washed that uniform for next time. Must be frustrating and expensive but I don't know who else you can make the mother give you the clothes.

Could you flag this up with the school?

just to understand - you pick up from school? but she doesn't have her uniform on then?
if she has it on, just get her to leave at yours.

The mother is playing a very nasty game. Simply send SD to school in the outfit her DM sends her to yours in. DH needs to speak to the school and make them aware.

Do not take the child to school in her own clothes- that's putting the child centre in a political situation. Image the pain and stress that would cause!

Contact the school, see if a mediation between mom and school can be achieved. Maybe even after school changing clothes or having a uniform at school- but whatever you do don't make the child in pawn in point scoring. They will never forget it!

If she comes from school in uniform, keep it, wash for next time.
Is HC a specialist term? Never heard it before.

I'm guessing the SD goes to dad and step mum on the Sunday and they drop her to school on the Monday. Which means after a few weeks there's no uniform for her as it's all ended up at mums house.
Encourage the 9 yr old to pack her uniform, I don't think there is any other way.

But she comes to yours in a uniform? Just keep it to wash and send her back to school in a clean one?

So one day a week there is no school uniform day at school every week?

You will have to send her back to school in whatever "school clothes" she got picked up from school.

Have people read the OP
where it says the child arrived with no uniform?

maybe a gym day so no uniform. Not hard to understand

I think you may have to go back to court sadly ... and get this sorted out. It is not acceptable. Put in a specific steps order about clothing. It will cost £235 if you do it yourself. (You really don't need a solicitor for this PM me if you need guidance)

You need to knock this nonsense on the head with a sledge hammer. For your DSD's sake !

What's HC?

Goodness me this is ridiculous.
I also suggest you tell SD to pack a bag with enough school uniform to last. At 9 she is old enough.

But not old enough to be in conflict with her mother which is probably what would happen

If all pick ups are done at school, how is she not coming to you in uniform ?

School are heavily involved and really fantastic. We can't ask any more of them. They raise it all as safeguarding issues.

That's the problem though. It's not uniform on the day she comes to us. I would happily run a load of washing overnight to solve the problem.