How to stop this abuse?

[SleepyHeadd]

Last weekend DH took me to Paris for the weekend, it was my Christmas present from him. Just me and him.
Whilst enjoying a gorgeous romantic (quite expensive) dinner cruise I received a message from DSD18’s step dad calling me, DH and my DD all the names under the sun. Really very abusive things, things relating to DD’s disability, saying I’m not a fit mother and threatening to report me to SS, calling DH a c**t and threatening violence on me and DH.
It turns out that DSD had seen photos on social media of our trip and just assumed that DD was with us, she wasn’t, she was at home with my mum.
All DSD needed to do was call DH, myself or DD and ask but instead she ran to her mum and stepdad, got upset and that’s caused this drama.

So not to drip feed - we have never taken DD away and not DSD. There was one occasion when DD was a toddler I’d gone away midweek with DD and my mum for my mum’s birthday and DH was at home. DSD had assumed DH was there but we explained and said if she’s ever upset just speak to us as her assumptions may not be accurate.

DSD’s mum and stepdad are blocked from contacting me due to previous issues but he had used his mum’s account to message me, that account is also now blocked.

I feel like we bend over backwards to involve DSD in as much as possible, for years we have done practically nothing on the weekends she was at her mum’s due to not wanting to upset DSD or to make her feel left out, but it all seems to go unnoticed, whatever we do seems to not be good enough.

She’s 18 and I just thought that by now this kind of drama would have stopped. I understand her jumping to a conclusion and getting upset, but there’s ways to address it, and this isn’t the way.

I’m upset for DH, he has never surprised me with a trip like this before, he’d been squirrelling money away from his ‘fun money’ for nearly a year to pay for the trip, planned childcare and dog care, planned things to do whilst we were there etc…a lot of effort went in to it and it feels like it was ruined by this aggressive thug sending this abuse for (what feels like) no valid reason.

In hindsight it would have helped if DSD knew about the trip beforehand but she wasn’t here on Christmas morning when I opened the gift and it just didn’t come up in conversation when she was here. And in all honesty, I just didn’t foresee a problem, this was clearly a dirty weekend romantic couple’s break, not a family holiday.

I’m not sure how we can stop this from happening again? Is there anything legally we can do to stop the stepdad from being able to contact us?

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply and for all your wise words.

I’m going to sleep on things and see how I feel in the morning, part of me just wants to forget this has happened and hope it doesn’t happen again, but history has taught me it always happens again. I’m worried that going to the police would rock the boat more and I just don’t want any extra stress or drama.

It's so difficult! And I know my earlier advice was to go to the police (probably because the word he used for your DD is so incredibly offensive and triggering) but completely get why you may just want to put this behind you. If you choose not to go to the police then the option is there to completely grey rock these horrendous arseholes - your DSD is an adult so no need for any contact with her mum or the dickhead stepfather. Ignore, block and thank your lucky stars that you're not them!

I feel this so much. If I had my time again I would’ve ran a mile before I fell so hard in love with my now husband.

as for whoever said about posting on social media - you post whatever the hell you like! I remember people saying it was upsetting when I posted about our engagement on Instagram…my page was private and his ex gf and half her town tried to follow me to see the post!!

wishing you all the best and really hope all turns out ok x

Why does the sd need to know they are going away. We wouldn't tell my 18 yo sd?

Maybe in passing.

The issue is the abusive sf. I hope you thought about reporting him

She's 18.

It's completely unacceptable that her actions led to you being abused.

Her father should have a word with her about this and certainly discuss implications. If she wasn't told you were away I can understand her frustration but equally you are entitled to a life.

I'd advise the other side of her family to get lost and not contact you again, or you will report their threats if physical violence to the police.