When adult SKIDS blank half siblings…?

[starsandspark]

Maybe blank is a harsh word but certainly only give crumbs.
Background. I’ve been SM for 25 years. Not the OW. 2 Adult SKIDS since age 5 & 7.
DH and Birth mother have very poor relationship (from DH being denied access causing court case many years ago) and SKIDS must always make BM happy. BM has serous MH issues.
DH and I have had a pretty OK relationship with both SKIDS over the years.
But….they refuse to show any interest in their two half siblings, my DD and DS.
This has been raised many times over the years and always results in a huge row as the adult SKIDS are not allowed by BM to acknowledge their siblings and SKIDS believe we should just accept their situation and be grateful for the relationship we do have.
A couple of times this has almost broken our relationship with them completely as they saw us as too much trouble to see at all, so we made a decision to back off and now see them reasonably regularly but rarely in our house. Although very hurtful and upsetting it hasn’t been a massive issue up to recently….
DD and DS are now 17 and 16. This is the problem. They hate the SKIDS for ignoring them. They pour over social media and can’t believe there isn’t one mention of them (or us to be fair) and both of them think both me and DH should break ties with them as it’s so rude (we wouldn’t allow them to behave like this is a regular comment). They receive nothing, no birthday wishes, the maximum would be an ‘alright’ if they cross paths.
Our DD and DS are nice teens with no issues other than their older siblings. DD and DS really wanted a relationship with SKIDS when they were younger and have been rejected which understandably has caused real dislike now.
Raising it again with SKIDS will categorically cause a row and not change their attitude as it hasn’t worked in the last 17 years. We also can’t talk to BM as she hates DH so much it would delight her if he was upset.
DD and DS don’t want them in the house as it’s their home (it was never the SKIDS home) and don’t want us to see them as we are showing love to people who don’t love them or even like them.
What to do…..?
thanks

Where's the 'vile' treatment? Unless I've missed something the complaint is that they're not being mentioned on Facebook?

saraclara

As far as I can tell from what has been posted, The step kids where not young children or teens when the OP's kids were born, I suspect that they have had limited contact with them and will have been at uni or working by the time that their siblings went to school.
They won't have had much of a relationship with them or interest in them at any age due to the age gap and the life that they had and have since developed,
IMO the children are upset not because of the step kids attitudes but because to their mother's expectation of what should be.

I think I would explain the exact scenario to your kids. Explain it to them like they are adults, how your SDC have grown up being influenced and guilt tripped by their DM into feeling like they mustn't have any interaction with the DC of the new marriage; that it's not fair and it's not rational but it's nothing to do with them as people and everything to do with the SDC home being broken at a young age and some of the adults involved handling it very badly.