When your SKs (19 & 14) of 8.5 years…

[ITookABathWithAinsleyHarriott]

When your SKs (19 & 14) of 8.5 years drop off a bag of presents with 4 gifts in and you assume it’s one each for their dad, you, and your 2 kids but then find out it’s 4 gifts for their dad…

My eldest step child is a year younger than your youngest. Didn’t get her own mum or dad so much as a card (I had one ready).

We’ve been really clear with her, that in our house at least, at the age she is now - there is no expectation she gets anything for anyone off her own back. And by “gets” I mean - remembers to ask the relevant step parent for some money to buy something. She consistently doesn’t but I’m hoping will get there if we remain consistent.

Totally get you OP and I too would be v hurt. They are clearly v thoughtless with prob not the best guidance.

I messaged my partners children also 14 and 19 and they didn't even reply! V rude!

Well, this should let you know that they don't really appreciate what you do for them, so just stop. Buying them expensive gifts is just another way of being a doormat to them. SD doesn't deserve you spending money on her like that and obviously is greedy and unappreciative. So, stop helping her father buy her great gifts and just step back. Get HER a $5(pound) box of chocolates or get her nothing. I also agree with the PP who said to write her a note telling her to send the links to her Dad because you two obviously no longer exchange gifts. And don't let your DH guilt you into helping him buy her something good. She doesn't respect him either and he needs to see you cannot buy a child's love, as it hasn't worked in this case and never does.

I think the most poignant thing about the OP's post here is that her DC bought their SF a gift without being prompted.

Yet, a few posters expect her to give grace continuously to a 19-yr-old who dang well knows what she is doing and just doesn't care (except when she is sending links to expensive presents SHE wants).

As for @saffronsoup ? Not sure if it's a mother of children who also treat their SM poorly and rationalizes/enjoys it, or perhaps they are "that" stepchild. Selfish, self-centered and inconsiderate of anyone she deems unworthy but thinks everyone should kowtow to her.

That is very hurtful and thoughtless.

I have to give credit where it's due, my step children bought me lovely gifts for Christmas this year despite having had an up and down relationship with them over the years. It's very telling that now they are adults they are able to act on their own wishes rather than be dictated to/made to feel guilty by their mother.

Perhaps that is the situation with your SC and when they reach a level of maturity you may find they feel they can act on their own feelings.

I think Mrs Terry pratchetts suggestion is fair, you need to communicate that it’s not ok and you are stepping back. I hope she becomes a better person from this.

For Christmas I take my 14 year old shopping and give him the money and help him choose for Dad and step mum. This year they got some bits from M and S to the value of £20. I don't get anything for Christmas/ birthday/ Mother's Day from them as I think it's weird children buying for adults. I earn money and they don't. I appreciate this is not everyone's opinion but my children know I don't care about items so they don't get me anything. On Mother's Day i do insist they make me a cup of tea though. I would prefer that than some tat. I don't think it's fair that children from blended families have to buy presents for everyone. It's not their choice that they have so many family members. I agree with previous posters that if a gift is important to you then it's up to your husband to facilitate it. I do think it's very rude if they don't write your name on the card though!