Can I just call them my sons?

[iloveyoualla]

This is a non-problem really and just musings.

I see my stepsons as my family as you would the traditional nuclear family.

When people who don’t know me well ask do you have kids I say (I suppose out of respect to the bio parents?) “no but I have stepsons.”

I actually feel quite uncomfortable every time I say that because i feel I’m doing them an injustice like I’m presenting them as some sort of extra or “just someone elses kids” when that’s not how I feel.

AIBU for just saying “yes?” When asked do you have kids?

Obviously I’m not going to go nuts and start introducing them as my sons in front of their mum and dad that’s a bit much. 😂

For further context my husband wouldn’t be bothered and their mum is remarried and her new husband calls them his sons.

I don’t see any need. Just say it have step children.’ Why is their mums new husband calling them his sons? Did the kids get a say? There’s just no need for it.

My nieces/nephew would not want to be referred to as their step mums daughters/son. They get on well with her but they have a mum.

I say "WE have X children" and then I'll normally follow this up by X are mine and X are my husbands and X are both of ours"

You don’t have to say yes or no, just answer that you have two step sons, or that your husband/partner has two sons.

You don’t have children, you are a step mum/partner of someone with children.

It’s a fine and normal thing to be, but you’re not their mum and it’s weird to pretend you are.

Do they refer to you as their step mum? How long have you known them?

I don’t know what the ex’s new husband thinks he’s playing at but him overstepping doesn’t mean you should.

Thank you all for your helpful advice.

DM brought up my older, paternal half brothers with DDad. We all lives in the sane house with the same surname. She used to say “we have 2 boys and a girl”.

I say we (DH and I) have 3 kids between us. Seems to say it all.

or say My husband has 2 sons or whatever?

I think that’s fine. If people know you well they’ll learn the context, if they don’t it’s not important.

When people ask if I have children, I say yes, I have a son and an step-daughter, we call her my extra kid (mainly because she is VERY extra and OTT - we love her for it) and bc we asked her what she liked etc, she likes to tell people she has an extra mum (me) and she likes to be my extra kid :) she's my first kiddo, she didn't come from me but she's the first kid I ever looked after, took on days out, took care of when she was sick, she was my first bubs :) so I think if people ask it's fine to say yes, you have kids, you have 2

Depends on the age of the children - my ex has remarried. Our children were in their 20s when he did so and were most disgusted when their dad's new wife referred to them as her step children in her wedding speech. From their perspective she is their fathers wife - she's played no part in bringing them up and they are adults now so definitely not her step children. Maybe if they had got married when the children were young and spent equal time with them and me it would be different.

My stepmum always says she and my dad have three kids if she’s ever asked, we both hate the ‘step’ part (even though I’ve just used the word stepmum!) and I always choose Christmas and birthday cards that don’t say ‘stepmum’ on them. If she and my dad ever split, I am 100% certain we would maintain an independent relationship. I use her first name, though.

My stepdad, on the other hand, was in my life from the age of 3, called me his daughter and I called him ‘Pops’. He and my mum split when I was 24, and he and his family (who also called me their granddaughter/niece) instantly blocked me on everything and cut contact completely, my sister (his daughter) says that her granddad asks after me occasionally but I am never mentioned otherwise. I’ve seen ex-stepdad twice since; once in a looong queue in a shop (when he totally blanked me!) and once when we both helped my sister move house, and it’s been bloody awful both times because he was, for all intents and purposes, a second dad to me for 21 years of my life and he is now a complete stranger. Calling him by his first name on the house move was fucking weird. Mostly because I had the burning urge to call him what I usually refer to him as. 😉

Went on a mad rant then, but back to your question! If you feel like they are your sons, it’s fine to call them your sons/boys/kids.