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Original poster

Issues with Co-Parenting and Christmas Plans

133 replies

HelpNeeded23 · 30/11/2023 08:58

Hi All

For background; my partner and I had a baby in 2021 so our child is now 2. My partner has two children (10 and 12) from a previous relationship.

Shortly after our child’s birth we broke up so did not spend the first 2 Christmas’ together but we are working through our issues and have recently got back together. I was excited to have our first proper family Christmas.

Since my partner and his ex broke up 5 years ago, she has brought her two children over for Christmas dinner. I was happy for that to happen again this year and for us all to be amicable for the day.

My partner has reached out and told her this and she has said no. The issue is she is refusing to allow my partner, child and his extended family to see his children unless he uninvites me.

I still have my own home but we spend half the week together as a family at my partner’s home as it is bigger and closer to my child’s nursery etc.

I now have no idea what to do as she is point blank refusing for her children to see their Dad’s family if I am there on Christmas Day. My partner has asked if I can leave my child for around 6 hours on Christmas afternoon so she can come round with the children. I really don’t think this is fair.

She also won’t allow him to go there for a few hours instead. It is either I am banned from Christmas completely or he can’t see his children at all.

The worst part is he is a very involved Dad. He has the children at least 3 days a week, pays the majority of his ex’s bills (around 2k per month) as she has health problems and we have spent a lot of time and effort making Christmas lovely for all the children.

I am at a complete loss at what to do. Any ideas?

Thank you x

OP posts:
Namerequired · 04/12/2023 08:33

You need out if this. You need to bring your child back to your own house for your contact at the very least. Also see a solicitor. Atm he is with you whenever you have your child? For most people they just means you are raising the child together, but he seems a big enough pos that he will say things like he’s supervising the contact or some such.
If you want to continue the relationship (please don’t) then let him come to your home. Protect yourself here.

BritneyBookClubPresident · 05/12/2023 00:24

HelpNeeded23 · 03/12/2023 23:13

I don’t not agree with you! I just feel that I need to bide my time.

If he chooses to stop me seeing my child I feel any court would look on him more favourably as it’s only been 18 months since I was discharged from having post partum psychosis. I feel if I can get another 6-12 months being well it will put me in a lot stronger position with court. The more positive evidence I have the better the outcome.

He has made me feel uncomfortable this weekend by saying that we are not ‘serious’ anymore and that we can’t be serious until his ex is happy with the situation and I have finished therapy for my pregnancy related trauma.

I asked him why he felt it was appropriate to sleep next to someone and he regularly intimate with me if he felt like that and he responded that he ‘had needs’ and if I didn’t want to be intimate anymore he would be ‘looking at someone else‘ … I really don’t think this is normal behaviour! He pushes me to the edge and when I snap and shout (never ever in front of our son) he then turns it round on me.

As for his ex, it’s either I meet her or I will have to leave on Christmas Day.

OP this is just awful

Please get yourself out this relationship. It's

BritneyBookClubPresident · 05/12/2023 00:25

randomstress · 03/12/2023 23:25

This is a very abusive man.

You don't need to stay for months because you had a mental health issue following birth. You received the treatment you needed to for this. It was a health issue and is in the past.

One in four people have a mental illness at some point in their lives.

I would start to set yourself up as the clear main carer, set up Dr, child benefit etc. But don't wait for months because I don't see how your mental health will manage living alongside a man who treats you like this.

Well stated

Quickquestion10 · 05/12/2023 16:16

I think you're wrong about the court. You're in a more vulnerable position if you stay as this could make you unwell.

roseheartfly · 18/12/2023 02:31

Hmmm.

How strong is your relationship if you can't tell him to get lost.

Personally, I'd say I am more than happy to keep away on Christmas Day, but I don't be spending a moment away from my own son. If he has any care for you, he wouldn't want the hurt. I wouldn't be happy for the EX to get to spend time with my child on Christmas day but I can't? Why does it have to be you who misses out?

All this nonsense about addresses etc? Change your son's address.

Get your ducks in row. Yes if you split you'd have to share custody of your son, but there is nothing to suggest that you would get any less than what you already have.

roseheartfly · 18/12/2023 02:33

I'd also document all the emotional abuse and keep a record.

Dates, times, texts.

And then when you do have the strength to leave and fight for your child I'd consider reporting his coercive control. You know it's a crime don't you?

Pyjamapyjama35 · 19/12/2023 09:56

Either you and your child go - or neither of you do. Do not be controlled or bullied.

so sorry you struggled with post partum psychosis - this was not within your control and can happen to any women after birth. Do not let them cut you out because of this.

sending hugs x

Firsttimemum120 · 19/12/2023 19:57

I’m sorry but he needs to stand his ground and tell her no and if he doesn’t see his children this once he doesn’t!! If he kicks you out and everything shell
expect it every single year. I hope you’re okay this is horrible.

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