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Step-parenting

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Original poster

27 year old stepson

80 replies

Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 17:53

My 27 stepson lives with us (since aged 16) and works Mon-Friday 9-5 but spends every evening and all weekends sat in living room with us night after night, has got no life outside of work and it’s driving me insane. I have 2 older children and they never sat in room with us if they were in, they always went to their rooms - their choice. I can’t go on like this

OP posts:
countvoncount · 28/10/2023 20:33

Have you considered the possibility that your husband actually enjoys his sons company?

HamBone · 28/10/2023 20:37

I can understand why you’re concerned that this will continue indefinitely, it’s unusual for a 27-year-old to be sitting at home with his Dad and SM every evening.

Sorry if you’ve already answered this question, but is he saving for his own place, or is he planning to live with you both indefinitely. How does your DH feel about that?

If he’s happy with it, you’re in a tough spot as it’s his house….

MinnieL · 28/10/2023 20:37

Boymum2104 · 28/10/2023 20:32

Everyone saying why does he still live there.. the average age to move out of your parents home in the UK is mid-late 20s & even more difficult as a single person one 1 income. Do your kids just get to a certain age then you kick them out of the living room & then the house?

By all means still live at home but the least he could do is give them some privacy? Constantly in the living room so that the OP and her husband don’t actually get any alone time is pretty shit

GrumpyPanda · 28/10/2023 20:43

How about you and hubby start making out in the living room...? Maybe just begin with nibbling his ear. Failing DHs cooperation, you could try solo skimpy clothing or maybe you're one of those people who likes walking around rheur own place in the buff.

HamBone · 28/10/2023 20:43

GrumpyPanda · 28/10/2023 20:43

How about you and hubby start making out in the living room...? Maybe just begin with nibbling his ear. Failing DHs cooperation, you could try solo skimpy clothing or maybe you're one of those people who likes walking around rheur own place in the buff.

🤣🤣🤣 Good suggestions, @GrumpyPanda

Boymum2104 · 28/10/2023 20:46

@MinnieL
Completely understand the wanting of privacy. To be honest maybe it's different I come from a large family where all ages have always sat together in the living room of an evening, it's the communal area of our house now & my parents house previously, if anyone wanted privacy they would just go off to their bedroom.

WhereDoYouGo1 · 28/10/2023 20:53

What do you actually do while you’re all sitting in the living room? I didn’t think families did that any more. I can’t get my older teens to sit and watch tv with me and that has been the case for years. Everybody is in their rooms doing their own thing if they’re not out.

MintJulia · 28/10/2023 20:53

Has your dh tried helping him build a social life? Do they share a sport together or do something to get dss out of the house, meeting people.

Have you discussed helping him find a place of his own? Or does your dh want him at home?

Perhaps you could set up a rota and require him to cook twice a week. Make sure he does all his own chores. Charge rent. Make home life a little less comfortable.

Fruitygal · 28/10/2023 21:06

Does your husband have an issue with it ? If it’s his house and his son and he’s ok with it then I think you have to go with it

MeridianB · 28/10/2023 21:21

Did I read you right, OP? Your DH is fine with it, wants you to stop bringing it up and says you should leave if you don’t like it?

LittleOwl153 · 28/10/2023 21:30

I'd be turning the man cave into somewhere I wanted to be in the evening and leave them to it.

Winnipeggy · 28/10/2023 21:34

Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:24

His 2 or 3 friends have girlfriends so they are always with them. He doesn’t drive either, got no interest in driving. I never sat with my parents and my 2 never sat with us. Was either out or in my bedroom and we didn’t have phones nor teles in our bedrooms in my day, just a record player lol

Would you have minded if your 2 had wanted to sit with you? I'm not sure why you keep mentioning them in this way. I don't think it's inherently weird that he doesn't want to be alone in the evenings, but if you can't cope with it then I think you might need to change your wider situation. I don't think you can throw him out, and I don't really think you can tell him to go to his room.

3 options:

Frank conversation - what's he doing with his life, you need space in the evenings etc

Find your own space in the evenings - bedroom, another room, enjoy the alone time

Leave. If it's causing you this much anguish and your DH isn't doing anything to change it then the situation is not for you

Boymum2104 · 28/10/2023 21:35

Sounds to me like the main issue isn't actually DSS. You want quality alone time with your DH but he is not fussed about having that time with you & happy spending time with his son instead.

Loubelle70 · 28/10/2023 21:36

LittleOwl153 · 28/10/2023 21:30

I'd be turning the man cave into somewhere I wanted to be in the evening and leave them to it.

Yes id put a tv in there job done.
Have you ever thought hes lonely? Your DSS.
Do you ever go out with your step son and dh... cinema, bowling etc.

ACGTHelix · 28/10/2023 21:39

Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:09

Yes we have a man cave with a tele, pool table, bathroom, we’ve offered to buy him a tele for his room, he’s not interested. Me and my husband get no time to ourselves. I never sent mine to their rooms they chose to spend all evening in their rooms.

what if you and your dh used the cave instead >?

Nothanksthanksanyway · 28/10/2023 21:52

We are 100% moving to a 2 bedroom flat when the youngest turns 20 so this can’t happen. He needs to get a life I’m afraid. You’re enabling him to be stagnant.

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:06

Countvoncount- yes he does enjoy his comfy, as do I, he’s funny, but night after night, all weekend, every weekend 🤷‍♀️. It’s time he had his own place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:07

Nothanksthanksanyway - 100% agree, he needs to get a life x

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Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:08

Littleowl153 - yea I probably will

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Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:11

Loubelle70 - no I don’t want to go out with my 27 year old stepson, I wouldn’t want to go out with my son or daughter unless for a birthday, c’mon we’ve done that when they were kids

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Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:12

ACDTHelix - yeah cave is lush but not as comfy as living room

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SD1978 · 28/10/2023 22:13

If your husband and his son have no issue with it, then I'm not sure what you do. Hes said that you can leave if you have an issue with it- your husband has given his answer that he'd choose his son over you. So either you need to find a way to deal with it, or use the man cave yourself.

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:15

Boymum2104 no hubby wants to be with me 100%, he just thinks it’s ok for his
son to be 3rd wheel

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Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:16

SD1978 yeah maybe I’ll leave. I can’t go
on like this, BEyond.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 22:19

Winniepeggy - no it’s not for me. Do you remember the sitcom Sorry - it’s not normal to be in every night with your parents - well not to me and not to
other people on this site.

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