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Step-parenting

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27 year old stepson

80 replies

Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 17:53

My 27 stepson lives with us (since aged 16) and works Mon-Friday 9-5 but spends every evening and all weekends sat in living room with us night after night, has got no life outside of work and it’s driving me insane. I have 2 older children and they never sat in room with us if they were in, they always went to their rooms - their choice. I can’t go on like this

OP posts:
JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 14/11/2023 05:45

I’d turn the man cave into a comfortable room for you, turf out the stuff in there into the living room and swop the contents around.
I have my own craft room (smallest bedroom) and I have made the bedroom a comfortable space too. I don’t have to sit downstairs if I don’t want to 😊

MayThe4th · 14/11/2023 05:55

it’s not hard to see why your own kids chose to go to their rooms every night instead of spending time with you. Clearly your home was not a welcoming place and you’re clearly not the maternal type.

This is your SS’ home as much as it is yours. He has just a much right to be there. If my partner took your attitude to my DC he would be the one I’d be throwing out.

Addyview · 14/11/2023 06:13

Sounds like you have different values to your DH. Your family dynamics weren't as close, you didn't sit together as a family and still don't, which is fine, but you're part of a family that do value that, and your DH and DSS sound like they have a good bond.
Personally I wouldn't understand why he should go sit in his room, if he lives there that's his home just like it's yours. If you don't want him living there I would imagine that's gonna be a big problem. But if DH is happy to have his son living there still and likes his company I can't see a problem. Maybe you could go to the man cave? Get a big TV and a sofa and ask DH to go sit in there with you.
I understand why it would drive you mad but I also think it's quite nice he's so close to his dad still.

Burntouted · 27/11/2023 00:10

Some people are introverted and homebodies. Not everyone is like you nor your children. I wouldn't see a parent allowing their child to remain living there for as long as wanted a problem at any age..especially if they're no trouble..both get along, and enjoy each other's company..

Not everyone is capable, financially stable, can handle living away from home, nor prefer to move out.

Maybe he's also perhaps depressed and having a hard time in life.. perhaps this is also how he copes with life.

Personally, and in my opinion, I wouldn't find this a big deal. You know his routine, come up with a different solution that doesn't involve being cross at both, trying to get rid of the son, trying to get your husband to toss out his child..

You have other rooms that you can go in.

You sound controlling. There are a bunch of other options and solutions, but you're pouting because you want things your way or no way.

Go in another room.

If you want to spend time with your husband alone, both of you need to make time...and make time somewhere else indoors or outdoors.

I just don't think that you like his son, and you just want him gone.

You're shaming him for living in his house, relaxing, eating, drinking soda, his body performing natural things, and watching telly.

You haven't a problem with your own children living in the home, and shuffling about.

Or if you really can't deal, just end things and leave.

Floofydawg · 27/11/2023 06:28

@Burntouted OP isn't controlling just because she doesn't want to share her space any longer with a grown ass man who refuses to support himself. How long does she have to put up with this for?

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