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Step-parenting

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Original poster

27 year old stepson

80 replies

Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 17:53

My 27 stepson lives with us (since aged 16) and works Mon-Friday 9-5 but spends every evening and all weekends sat in living room with us night after night, has got no life outside of work and it’s driving me insane. I have 2 older children and they never sat in room with us if they were in, they always went to their rooms - their choice. I can’t go on like this

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 28/10/2023 18:12

Does he have any friends?

Ours often sat with us.

Floofydawg · 28/10/2023 18:46

Why is he still at home at that age?

dammit88 · 28/10/2023 18:50

That's actually quite sad. Os he ok in himself? Does he have any friends or has he ever had any hobbies? Id be worried about him.

MeridianB · 28/10/2023 18:57

What does DH say about this? Is he delighted his son is surgically attached to you or also keen to move him out?

SaracensMavericks · 28/10/2023 19:03

Oh OP that would drive me crazy! I would want some alone time with DH sometimes. Poor DSS sounds unhappy too.

RagzRebooted · 28/10/2023 19:03

Is he saving up to move out?

This would drive me mad too, evenings have always been grown up time in the living room and still are now we have teens, unless we're watching a film. I don't actually send them away, they spend all day in their rooms anyway! I'd actually love it if they wanted to sit with us for a few hours (not all night!) in the evening. I usually try to keep then chatting after dinner.

Do you have room in your bedroom for a sofa and TV, that way you and DH could retire to bed around 8/9 and sit and do your own thing. Or start going out in the evening yourselves. Do you and DH have friends you go out with/visit/have over? We don't, really though I have friends I spend evenings with maybe once a month or so.

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:05

It is. He’s absolutely fine in himself, but does not do anything other than go to work in the day and cook his tea, shower, prepare his sandwiches and sits in living room all night drinking Pepsi and Pepsi and eating. I suggested he gets a job in a bar one night but no, he’s not interested. I never sat with my parents, was always out. He never goes over his mother’s but when he has to house sit her animals he’s there like a shot. Why doesn’t she ever invite him over for a meal?? I do mine

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:09

Yes we have a man cave with a tele, pool table, bathroom, we’ve offered to buy him a tele for his room, he’s not interested. Me and my husband get no time to ourselves. I never sent mine to their rooms they chose to spend all evening in their rooms.

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 28/10/2023 20:10

His dad needs to tell him to move out or leave the 2 of you alone

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:10

Yes we have a few friends we like spending time with and we go out quite regularly with them but that’s only on weekends usually.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:12

I know that’s what I’ve said to him but he won’t, doesn’t want to upset him. Honest it’s pathetic but it’s his place to say. It’s our time now

OP posts:
Tiddlywinkly · 28/10/2023 20:14

Is he saving for this own place?

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:16

No he’s absolutely fine, just very selfish. He doesn’t need a 2nd hobbit he could get a job in a pub, get him out and meeting people or go to the gym, he’s just lazy and selfish like his mother, and he’s alright and that’s all that matters.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2023 20:18

This is just fucking ridiculous. He's a grown man with a full-time job, he needs to move out and grow up. If I were you, I'd be telling your husband that he either cuts the cord with his son or you're moving out.

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:18

He doesn’t want to talk about it, and has told me to leave him then if I can’t put up with it. With him I just got to keep bringing it up as he doesn’t really want me to leave it’s just his way of closing the subject.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:20

I totally agree and that’s what husband tells me to do, doesn’t want me to leave him but his way of ending the conversation about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:22

Because it doesn’t bother him at all. I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t sat in the living room night after night back and fore kitchen eating and burping on his Pepsi’s.

OP posts:
bellsandwhistles333 · 28/10/2023 20:23

I wouldn't be having words myself telling him life is passing by! Does he contribute well to the household financially?

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:24

His 2 or 3 friends have girlfriends so they are always with them. He doesn’t drive either, got no interest in driving. I never sat with my parents and my 2 never sat with us. Was either out or in my bedroom and we didn’t have phones nor teles in our bedrooms in my day, just a record player lol

OP posts:
Fruitygal · 28/10/2023 20:25

Do you own the home or is it your husband’s/partner’s home ?

MadamVastra · 28/10/2023 20:25

Ok op we get that yours never sat with you

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:29

the mortgage is just in my husband’s name as my credit too bad.

OP posts:
MinnieL · 28/10/2023 20:30

This is madness. Why is this grown man not reading the room (literally) and giving you and your husband some space? It sounds like he’s taking over the living area during the evening for no reason other than he’s selfish.

If your husband isn’t willing to have a quiet word with him then I’m not quite sure what to suggest. He seems rather defensive. Why doesn’t he want you guys to have alone time and your own space?

Original poster
Bugbear27 · 28/10/2023 20:31

Thank you everyone. I feel so much better that you kind of agree that myself and my husband need some us time. I tried to
reply to each post but the reply didn’t seem to respond to the original comments/questions so sorry about that, should have started each reply with your username xx

OP posts:
Boymum2104 · 28/10/2023 20:32

Everyone saying why does he still live there.. the average age to move out of your parents home in the UK is mid-late 20s & even more difficult as a single person one 1 income. Do your kids just get to a certain age then you kick them out of the living room & then the house?