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Original poster

Partners ex wants to come on our family holiday AIBU

79 replies

Tishtun · 20/10/2023 21:40

Hi everyone.

We are planning a big family holiday next year and my DH has two children from a previous relationship aged 11 and 9. I've been with DH for 6 years and this will be the first time we will have taken the kids abroad. And the first time they have been abroad.

The ex has been quite difficult with contact but we see the children EOW and half the holidays.

We have asked the ex if we can take the kids and her response was she wants to come along. Because she doesn't want to miss out on seeing the kids having fun!

My DH did shut this down straight away. We don't have a relationship with her its pure transactional. I would be very uncomfortable with the ex coming along. Now the ex is saying she won't let the children go as its not fair she won't have that experience with them. AIBU. I think that's very selfish of her and causing unnecessary stress.

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 20/10/2023 21:42

She’s having a laugh!

Nope.

EasterIssland · 20/10/2023 21:42

Nope. But be ready for them to say they don’t give you permission

happylittlesloth · 20/10/2023 21:46

Wow she's a sort! Go on holiday anyway and make sure the kids know it's her stopping them going. Extra points if it's disney land she's stopping them from going to.

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 20/10/2023 21:48

happylittlesloth · 20/10/2023 21:46

Wow she's a sort! Go on holiday anyway and make sure the kids know it's her stopping them going. Extra points if it's disney land she's stopping them from going to.

You mean upset the kids and use them as weapons? That makes OP as bad as the ex. JFC

AtTheStream · 20/10/2023 21:59

So, absolutely not bring the ex on a family holiday. Surely she knows you won’t say yes to this, so what’s it really about?
Is she really cruel enough to stop the holiday for the kids? I’d have to call her bluff here, say no and wait it out.

Hibambinos · 20/10/2023 22:02

You’ll need to go to court and get a specific issue order for holidays. It’s simple. Do that and then go and have a great time
She is clearly not the full cake, so ignore her mad requests and go the legal route.

Miscellaneousme · 20/10/2023 22:03

Your DH can take this to court for a specific issue order. She can’t refuse permission for the holiday just because she can’t come along.

GrazingSheep · 20/10/2023 22:05

Go on holiday anyway and make sure the kids know it's her stopping them going. Extra points if it's disney land she's stopping them from going to.

What a stupid thing to say. Do not use the children as weapons.

Marblessolveeverything · 20/10/2023 22:09

The good news is you have a year to sort a court order. Sort the order if possible for a few days prior to travel to sort any daftness from the childrens mother.

Original poster
Tishtun · 20/10/2023 22:15

She doesn't wasn't to miss out on this "first"... I said nothing is stopping her taking the kids abroad before we do!

I'm glad we are all on the same page. The ex doesn't seem to understand why we wouldn't be on board with her coming along.

OP posts:
AmazingSnakeHead · 20/10/2023 22:16

DC going abroad on a great holiday with their dad and step family is up there on the list of things that I would absolutely hate. But it's just part of divroced life, she obviously can't come with you.

caringcarer · 20/10/2023 22:24

Miscellaneousme · 20/10/2023 22:03

Your DH can take this to court for a specific issue order. She can’t refuse permission for the holiday just because she can’t come along.

This. Doesn't she ever take the kids on holiday? That should be when she sees them having fun.

BigPussyEnergy · 20/10/2023 22:24

I must admit I feel a little sad when my kids go somewhere nice with their dad as I can’t afford to take them, but I’d never expect to be invited or try to stop them going. She should be pleased that they get a nice holiday not throwing her toys out of the pram because she’s not invited!

crankit · 20/10/2023 22:26

Sounds like it's a control thing, just trying to ruin things for you as she knows it'll be a lovely time for the dc with their dad and partner. She's probably expecting you to cancel the whole idea.
I'll bet you anything she will change her mind last minute and let them go. Dh ex did this kind of thing all the time, would make things as difficult as possible and then change her mind !

AtTheStream · 20/10/2023 22:27

She’s being deliberately awkward because she’s not in a position to do the same. Whilst that’s hard it doesn’t mean she gets to upset her kids or you. Can I get this right - is she seriously offering to pay for herself to come on holiday whilst you still pay for both kids - how does that work?! If she won’t come to a reasonable decision (like let them go!) just get a Special Resolution Order, it won’t be refused for a normal holiday but will cost her money time and effort to defend. She’ll see it’s a pointless argument eventually

Spacecowboys · 20/10/2023 22:28

No you aren’t, the ex sounds completely crackers.
Why on earth would she even want to go on holiday with her ex and his new partner? As others have said , court order for holidays.

SemperIdem · 20/10/2023 22:39

Call her bluff and say yes.

She’ll decline eventually, if not immediately.

2jacqi · 20/10/2023 22:41

two words for her!! beginning with F and ending with F!!!!!

Therealjudgejudy · 20/10/2023 22:42

Get it sorted with a court order.

She sounds like a pain in the behind

2jacqi · 20/10/2023 22:43

Have you got passports for them??? Can see her being a problem with that?

EasterIssland · 20/10/2023 22:53

2jacqi · 20/10/2023 22:43

Have you got passports for them??? Can see her being a problem with that?

Edited

She could still report them as stolen or something. Better get something in place if they become difficult

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 20/10/2023 22:56

Take her, then leave her in the side of the road somewhere random.

I would definitely go to court so she can’t refuse.

AnitaDeepali · 20/10/2023 22:57

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 20/10/2023 21:48

You mean upset the kids and use them as weapons? That makes OP as bad as the ex. JFC

Show quote history

Why should OP and DH look like the bad guys for leaving the DC behind? They're entitled to live their lives, including going on holiday. If the ex won't let them take the DC then it's only fair the DC know that's the reason they're not going.

ZenNudist · 20/10/2023 23:02

My friend took the dc to disney with her ex. It was great for the kids. They shared the cost they don't get on but did so for the kids so they could both enjoy seeing them go to disney.

If its just a normal holiday abroad then it's no big woop but if its disney then can you try and include her for the dc sake.

EasterIssland · 20/10/2023 23:05

ZenNudist · 20/10/2023 23:02

My friend took the dc to disney with her ex. It was great for the kids. They shared the cost they don't get on but did so for the kids so they could both enjoy seeing them go to disney.

If its just a normal holiday abroad then it's no big woop but if its disney then can you try and include her for the dc sake.

Did one of the auto invite or was it agreed between both ?

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