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Original poster

Partners ex wants to come on our family holiday AIBU

79 replies

Tishtun · 20/10/2023 21:40

Hi everyone.

We are planning a big family holiday next year and my DH has two children from a previous relationship aged 11 and 9. I've been with DH for 6 years and this will be the first time we will have taken the kids abroad. And the first time they have been abroad.

The ex has been quite difficult with contact but we see the children EOW and half the holidays.

We have asked the ex if we can take the kids and her response was she wants to come along. Because she doesn't want to miss out on seeing the kids having fun!

My DH did shut this down straight away. We don't have a relationship with her its pure transactional. I would be very uncomfortable with the ex coming along. Now the ex is saying she won't let the children go as its not fair she won't have that experience with them. AIBU. I think that's very selfish of her and causing unnecessary stress.

OP posts:
theunbelievabletruth · 20/10/2023 23:20

Fill this in and do it NOW !

www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

That will put and end to this nonsense.
Specific steps order. £232 . Do it online. No lawyer required. Just go to court and explain you want to take them on holiday but NOT the ex.

Sorted.

Laurdo · 20/10/2023 23:33

What a psycho. Tell her absolutely not and get a court order if you have to to take the kids.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/10/2023 23:41

Hibambinos · 20/10/2023 22:02

You’ll need to go to court and get a specific issue order for holidays. It’s simple. Do that and then go and have a great time
She is clearly not the full cake, so ignore her mad requests and go the legal route.

This

TattoedLady · 21/10/2023 05:10

ZenNudist · 20/10/2023 23:02

My friend took the dc to disney with her ex. It was great for the kids. They shared the cost they don't get on but did so for the kids so they could both enjoy seeing them go to disney.

If its just a normal holiday abroad then it's no big woop but if its disney then can you try and include her for the dc sake.

This isn't about 'for the DC sake' though, is it? It's about Mum feeling put out because Dad is taking his kids on their first holiday abroad.

Missing out on your kids experiences while they are with their other parent is the part of the price adults pay for divorce. Mum needs to realise this.

Collaborate · 21/10/2023 06:41

It’s not a specific issue order but a child arrangements order he needs. Get a MIAM from a mediator now and get it issued at court ASAP. He’ll need all the time between now and holiday to get this through court. He needs leave to remove the children from the jurisdiction.

WandaWonder · 21/10/2023 06:53

ZenNudist · 20/10/2023 23:02

My friend took the dc to disney with her ex. It was great for the kids. They shared the cost they don't get on but did so for the kids so they could both enjoy seeing them go to disney.

If its just a normal holiday abroad then it's no big woop but if its disney then can you try and include her for the dc sake.

Why on earth should the ex go? There is no reason

aSofaNearYou · 21/10/2023 07:49

😂 No, absolutely not.

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:01

happylittlesloth · 20/10/2023 21:46

Wow she's a sort! Go on holiday anyway and make sure the kids know it's her stopping them going. Extra points if it's disney land she's stopping them from going to.

Why shouldn't they carry on with their plans. Make it clear they wanted to bring the kids or the kids will think they don't care.

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:02

GrazingSheep · 20/10/2023 22:05

Go on holiday anyway and make sure the kids know it's her stopping them going. Extra points if it's disney land she's stopping them from going to.

What a stupid thing to say. Do not use the children as weapons.

Why shouldn't they go on holiday anyway. And the kids will get upset if they thought they were being left out deliberately

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:03

AnitaDeepali · 20/10/2023 22:57

Why should OP and DH look like the bad guys for leaving the DC behind? They're entitled to live their lives, including going on holiday. If the ex won't let them take the DC then it's only fair the DC know that's the reason they're not going.

Show quote history

Exactly. The kids need to know what their mum is doing.

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:04

ZenNudist · 20/10/2023 23:02

My friend took the dc to disney with her ex. It was great for the kids. They shared the cost they don't get on but did so for the kids so they could both enjoy seeing them go to disney.

If its just a normal holiday abroad then it's no big woop but if its disney then can you try and include her for the dc sake.

Or.. she can take her kids to Disney herself. If she has no money then tough. She's not entitled to a holiday. This is what happens when you split up. You seperate.

CrapBucket · 21/10/2023 08:06

What would her version of this situation look like?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/10/2023 08:09

Very childish and not thinking about the children at all.

If you were to call her bluff you could say great, that will save us 50% off the children’s cost; can you ping us that across please. And obviously you would also have to pay for yourself…

But my answer in reality would be fuck no!

nibblessquibbles · 21/10/2023 08:11

That is a hard no!
Your DH is absolutely entitled to take the kids away in holiday. He does not need her permission and can apply for a court order as PP suggested.
She may have been (over)reacting to the initial request. Suggest he messages her and says "it's neither practical nor appropriate for you to come on our family holiday. And it's reasonable for me to take the kids away for a family holiday
We don't want this to be a big issue but if necessary we can formalise holiday arrangements"
Or something along these lines

IncomingTraffic · 21/10/2023 08:17

She could take them abroad herself if she doesn’t want to miss out on the ‘first’ trip abroad.

This is just a hard no and laugh about it issue. She’s obviously taking the piss.

IncomingTraffic · 21/10/2023 08:18

Why would it be necessary to include the ex even if it’s bloody Disney?

There’s no need at all. Thats not for the children’s benefit. It’s just weird logic.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 21/10/2023 08:37

Make sure you get a court order to go on holiday you you need this in liu of other parent's consent, they will usually grant it if she's being petty.

yogasaurus · 21/10/2023 08:40

God no, F that! Get a court order as others have said. She’s split from her DC DF, there will be things she misses out on, that’s life now.

And it makes no difference if it’s Disney.

yogasaurus · 21/10/2023 08:41

CrapBucket · 21/10/2023 08:06

What would her version of this situation look like?

who cares?

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2023 08:41

Well it is a tough situation for her if she has never been able to afford a holiday for them. I presume their dad is paying good money to her for her child support and not just scraps as a lot do. That would add to the difficulty seeing him breeze off on holidays.

But could something be arranged. Eg ye go for a week and then she flies out..only responsible for her own flight and spends a few days there with the dc while ye fly back. Win, win.

BlowDryRat · 21/10/2023 08:41

Haha no. Apply for a court order ASAP and get hold of their passports.

IncomingTraffic · 21/10/2023 08:45

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2023 08:41

Well it is a tough situation for her if she has never been able to afford a holiday for them. I presume their dad is paying good money to her for her child support and not just scraps as a lot do. That would add to the difficulty seeing him breeze off on holidays.

But could something be arranged. Eg ye go for a week and then she flies out..only responsible for her own flight and spends a few days there with the dc while ye fly back. Win, win.

That’s tough for her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why are her feelings the most important thing here?

aSofaNearYou · 21/10/2023 08:47

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2023 08:41

Well it is a tough situation for her if she has never been able to afford a holiday for them. I presume their dad is paying good money to her for her child support and not just scraps as a lot do. That would add to the difficulty seeing him breeze off on holidays.

But could something be arranged. Eg ye go for a week and then she flies out..only responsible for her own flight and spends a few days there with the dc while ye fly back. Win, win.

Ffs stop pandering to this nonsense. It is not their problem or fault if she can't afford it, this is not "a thing", and it is not "win win". It is absolutely unnecessary for her to go at all.

happylittlesloth · 21/10/2023 08:47

It's not going to be in the kids best interest to have their mum tag along like a charity case

yogasaurus · 21/10/2023 08:47

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2023 08:41

Well it is a tough situation for her if she has never been able to afford a holiday for them. I presume their dad is paying good money to her for her child support and not just scraps as a lot do. That would add to the difficulty seeing him breeze off on holidays.

But could something be arranged. Eg ye go for a week and then she flies out..only responsible for her own flight and spends a few days there with the dc while ye fly back. Win, win.

That’s life. You can’t do everything you want. Other people don’t have to sort things out for you so you don’t find things difficult and sad, especially not exes!