Partners ex wants to come on our family holiday AIBU

[Tishtun]

Hi everyone.

We are planning a big family holiday next year and my DH has two children from a previous relationship aged 11 and 9. I've been with DH for 6 years and this will be the first time we will have taken the kids abroad. And the first time they have been abroad.

The ex has been quite difficult with contact but we see the children EOW and half the holidays.

We have asked the ex if we can take the kids and her response was she wants to come along. Because she doesn't want to miss out on seeing the kids having fun!

My DH did shut this down straight away. We don't have a relationship with her its pure transactional. I would be very uncomfortable with the ex coming along. Now the ex is saying she won't let the children go as its not fair she won't have that experience with them. AIBU. I think that's very selfish of her and causing unnecessary stress.

Exactly. They aren't together anymore. She needs to get over it and stop taking it out on her kids

Definitely a court order. She's being ridiculous.

Also it would be awkward for the kids. It’s a non-starter

If the mother can’t afford a holiday… well the reality of life post divorce is that you need to figure this stuff out. If she wants to go abroad, she will need to take steps to earn more.

Not getting to see your kids enjoy stuff during their contact time with their father is also just how it is. You have to learn to accept that and just be happy the kids get to have a nice time.

That’s life. The ex is not entitled to a holiday just because the OP and her partner can afford one.

Would they even want their mother to come along? It would be really awkward for the children to navigate even if you all got along well. Even if her request wasn’t unhinged, which it is!

My mum and step dad invited my dad on holiday with us once. He’d been in an accident and been seriously injured, the invite was extended in a moment of misguided kindness fuelled by pity, I suppose.

I was 12/13 at the time and the toe curling awkwardness imagining this scenario play out caused me genuine anxiety! Couldn’t have imagined anything worse at the time. They all got along perfectly well but 2 weeks solid together?! My dad did politely decline the offer. Over 20 years later, I am still grateful

Entitled.

Oh lol, she's hilarious 😂 Tell her to get fucked 😂

Not in a million years!!

There is no way in this lifetime I would do this!!

This. Because if she’s so deluded she’s invited herself on holiday with you, you can bet she’ll try to block it.

Glad your DP shut this down straight away.

Haha, DH’s ex-wife tried this stunt once. Tried to spin it and said she’d ‘be the nanny’ What, to MY daughters, who you loathe?? Yeah right!! I just knew that she’d put herself in the wife position and immediately start pushing me out.

Anyway, practically as soon as the words were out of her mouth, DH was like ‘hell to the No’ and just let her sulk 😆

Re going abroad, just a cautionary tale. When we took the step-kids away, DH received a call from the passport office saying that their passports had been reported as lost and new ones applied for. He was very confused and confirmed we had them in our safe. This was about two days before our holiday so if they hadn’t been able to get hold of DH or hadn’t made the call at all then they would have cancelled the passports and the kids wouldn’t have been able to come 😡

We couldn’t believe the ex would be so vicious as to potentially risk her kids happiness to get back at DH.

Were their passports taken out by your DH? If so, they can add a password to the account so that if someone else reports it as stolen/lost etc then nothing can happen unless they supply the password. Plus the person who took it out has to be contacted.

Just no

Will she be paying her share for all this?

Get the court order. It's a couple of hundred quid I think but worth it to shut this down. My friend had to do this when her ex wouldn't let her take the kids abroad.. he barely saw them. Just an effort to control her. He didn't have a real reason other than being jealous so the court order was granted. Kids had a great time.

Update...

The holiday is a big family holiday with lots of family on my partners side.

The ex is still not saying yes and would like to come to not miss out on seeing the kids on their first abroad trip. She's not happy that we have said no...

So looks like it's court... something that was meant to be so nice is now a battle. Such a shame.

She's batshit. Not a chance in hell. If she stops the kids going over this she'll be a very very selfish mother!

If he has parental responsibility he doesn’t need her permission or a court order etc. She’s mental.

Did your friend’s DH go too? Was he cool with it?

@ItsmeImtheproblem200

My DH and his ex were advised by a solicitor friend to travel with a letter from the other parent giving permission to travel abroad. We’ve never needed it when travelling with my DSD but her mum and stepdad have been stopped and questioned twice (possibly due to different surnames or just more vigilant border staff). Better safe than sorry.

what the fuck?? that's insane.

Disgusting response. The kids shouldn't be manipulated