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Original poster

DSD allowed all social media with no limits

83 replies

Howtodealwiththis · 04/08/2023 09:42

DSD is 11 and as the title says, is allowed unlimited access to all apps and social media.
My 2 DDs 12 and 11 from precious relationship have limits on YouTube and are not allowed Instagram, tiktok, Snapchat, Facebook ect as I don't think they're good for kids.

It's come to a head lately where DSD is bragging about this to my DDs and showing them things I don't approve of. Her dad doesn't seem to care and it's upsetting my DDs that I don't allow them on these things.

Am I the bad guy really? Am I too strict? I just worry about their happiness and addiction

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2023 17:37

Howtodealwiththis · 04/08/2023 11:23

Yes we live together, she stays with us EOW and all school holidays, so sometimes it's alot, like now.
It's me that mostly cares for her as my partner works and isn't a very hands on dad.

I think you need to address with with DH. Why should you be doing all the childcare on his time? Can she go to holiday club or can his mum look after her for some of the time? I'm sure he doesn't give up his free time to look after your children without you there?

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 20:19

Remembermynamealways · 08/08/2023 10:50

I hate sm and loathe it to be honest, but it is part and parcel of the social fabric of children’s lives. I have seen that it’s not the grooming machine I thought it might be, but a useful tool for my dc to connect with their friends, talk through their worries, share experiences, research ideas and stay in touch.

I can’t imagine cutting off my children from their friends, it is cruel given what happens to those children socially.

An early, relaxed and gradual approach will keep them safe. My dc were not allowed to post photos of themselves or others ( a no people rule) before the age of 14/15 and both are savvy users, that know exactly what they are doing. I have no worries for either - they keep themselves very safe.

This is almost exactly what I've done with my kids. Absolutely drilled in to them from a young age that they are never to speak to anyone online that they don't know. I made them watch that short film where a young girl ends up meeting a man who she thought was a boy and it ends badly. I also told them the real life story of a school friends daughter who was groomed online and ultimately murdered by the groomer. There has been a couple of instances where they've had a random message or phone call from a number they didn't recognise and they instantly came to show me. I am positive I've done absolutely everything I can to help them keep themselves safe but not be socially isolated.

Lackofsleep123 · 10/08/2023 04:02

Ah in the same boat but my SD is 13.

She’s had time limits on social media apps and general phone usage, she’s recently asked her mum to try an experiment for a week to be time limit free.

she’s gone from avenge 8 hours a day on her phone to 2 hours a day on her phone and can’t figure out if she’s trying to win this experiment but it definitely feels like it 😂

anyway, she’s been using Snapchat at 1-2am…! If she were living here/my own kid then I’d be no screens after 10pm. 🙄

LittleBearPad · 11/08/2023 07:34

Lackofsleep123 · 10/08/2023 04:02

Ah in the same boat but my SD is 13.

She’s had time limits on social media apps and general phone usage, she’s recently asked her mum to try an experiment for a week to be time limit free.

she’s gone from avenge 8 hours a day on her phone to 2 hours a day on her phone and can’t figure out if she’s trying to win this experiment but it definitely feels like it 😂

anyway, she’s been using Snapchat at 1-2am…! If she were living here/my own kid then I’d be no screens after 10pm. 🙄

No time limits doesn’t mean she has to have access to her phone 24/7 though? I like phones bring downstairs at night.

Lackofsleep123 · 11/08/2023 09:18

LittleBearPad · 11/08/2023 07:34

No time limits doesn’t mean she has to have access to her phone 24/7 though? I like phones bring downstairs at night.

Show quote history

Yeah she has access to it all night, she listens to music in the night (it’s a family thing based on her mums side).

checking her screen time and she’s been using Snapchat at 2-3am. Difficult to manage when there’s different rules in different households.

I prefer phones outside of bedrooms too.

NewDogOwner · 11/08/2023 09:28

Dramatic · 09/08/2023 20:19

This is almost exactly what I've done with my kids. Absolutely drilled in to them from a young age that they are never to speak to anyone online that they don't know. I made them watch that short film where a young girl ends up meeting a man who she thought was a boy and it ends badly. I also told them the real life story of a school friends daughter who was groomed online and ultimately murdered by the groomer. There has been a couple of instances where they've had a random message or phone call from a number they didn't recognise and they instantly came to show me. I am positive I've done absolutely everything I can to help them keep themselves safe but not be socially isolated.

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This seems sound advice. Can you link to the film?

Reugny · 11/08/2023 12:45

Lackofsleep123 · 11/08/2023 09:18

Yeah she has access to it all night, she listens to music in the night (it’s a family thing based on her mums side).

checking her screen time and she’s been using Snapchat at 2-3am. Difficult to manage when there’s different rules in different households.

I prefer phones outside of bedrooms too.

Show quote history

Another device to listen to music on?

I'm currently listening to one of my smart speakers through bluetooth headphones. You can get some bluetooth headphones that are actually like a large hair band.

Lackofsleep123 · 11/08/2023 13:45

Reugny · 11/08/2023 12:45

Another device to listen to music on?

I'm currently listening to one of my smart speakers through bluetooth headphones. You can get some bluetooth headphones that are actually like a large hair band.

Show quote history

We actually got her a google mini thing to use for music at our house for Christmas one year, but the other household doesn’t like stuff like that in their household.

we use the google smart speaker system, but we are more accepting of this sort of tech in our house.

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