Who should get the bigger bedroom??

[Jjc23]

Good morning,

Husband has 2 sons (13 & 11) from previous relationship. We have 2 children together, son (3) & daughter (1).

We live in a 5 bedroom house with 2 biggish rooms, 2 small rooms and a box room. My step sons have the 2 small rooms to stop arguments. The second biggest bedroom is currently a spare bedroom as we had other plans for it before we had our daughter.

However, recently my eldest step son and said he wants the spare bedroom (the bigger room). But the plan my husband and I made when having our daughter was that our two children would share that room when our daughter was old enough to move out of ours.

My husband has now changed his mind and told his eldest son he can have that room without discussing it with me first. My husband said as he’s 13 he will need the room more than the younger two.

Am I being silly thinking our two children should have the bigger room over my 13 yr old step son??
Advice and opinions urgently needed!!

(the 13 year old spends equal time at our house and his mums house)

ps. Sorry for the long post.

Not talking about it first might be because you never change your mind, or he’s a twat. No idea on that.

You want your youngest two, a boy and a girl, to share a room so the eldest can have a games room. So the eldest have three rooms in total and the youngest share one. Yeah, messed up dynamic.

2 children living there full time get the biggest bedroom. One child, only lives there half the time, so half the time it would be empty, should get a smaller room. He's lucky to have his own room. I'd tell DH no you don't agree to the change of the plan. He should have spoken with you first.

Plenty of young siblings (boys & girls) share bedrooms.. I don’t see the issue. If one of them was a bad sleeper then it would be different. You’re clearly forgetting the living area downstairs which is taken over by them so why wouldn’t I consider giving my TEENAGE step sons an extra room to escape.

My husband and I have spoken about it since he has apologised and saw my point of view.
Does your partner get any input in the decisions made in your household or do you just get your own way every time?

I’d say he’s right, yes.
But you clearly don’t agree, so you’ll need to come to some compromise.
I genuinely don’t see an issue with the baby in the box room, though?
Why is this an issue for you?

I would offer the older two boys a choice:

A) share the big room, with box room as a gaming den. Little ones get the small rooms.
B) bunks in a small room for sleeping. Big room as a BIG playroom/gaming den for all dc. Little ones get the two remaining rooms, but bulk of their toys can be stored in big multipurpose room.
C) stay as they are - upgrade furniture & decor. Little ones get big room to share. Box room gaming den.

If they agree on any of these, great! If not, default to option C as least disruptive & they are being treated equally/don't have to share.

Whichever they go for, situation to be reviewed once either move out/go to university.

Erm no we discuss things. Sorry, ive misunderstood, i thought your DH told your ss he could have the room without discussing it with you @Jjc23 . I thought that was the point of the thread. If you're asking if my OH would do what your DH did, no. We make joint decisions. Always have.

Kids have different needs at different age and use space differently at different ages. You don't need to treat a 1 year old and a 13 year old the same as their developmental needs are completely different.

Together with your husband figure out what needs the kids have at this current time (privacy, friends, play) and look at the room sizes, common space uses, bedroom locations and then decide what configuration will work best for each of them at this time. Young kids sharing and a bedroom being used as an office / spare room, play room, teen room, hobby room is very common. When the young kids are at an age where they need privacy, then they get their own rooms.