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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

At what age did SC stop coming regularly?

80 replies

littlepeac · 29/07/2023 17:53

DSD is 10, 11 in December. Already quite independent where she lives with her mum in regards to going to town with her mates etc.

They live a fair distance from us, over 400 miles. So we only have her for half terms, 3 weeks in summer, the full Easter and alternating Christmas/new year.

DP is panicking that she won't want to come down this often soon because of socialising aspects back at home.

When did you give DSC the choice? Baring in mind the distance, we can't just pop out for dinner in the evening to see her etc.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Willyoujustbequiet · 31/07/2023 18:23

RegainingTheWill2023 · 31/07/2023 18:04

The whole point is there is no reason to apportion blame at all.
It's not a situation where blame applies, despite your determination to do so.
The df staying put, may have been just as valuable a decision for the dd as the dm's decision to leave.

He may well have considered moving but perhaps he considered that the dm might return in the future when she was safe to do so. Perhaps there are extended family in the df's location and him staying put enable her to maintain those relationships when she visits. Perhaps there are maternal family members local too. Perhaps moving would have had a detrimental impact on his employment and income which would negatively impact on his dd's life. Perhaps ...... Who knows? You most certainly don't.

Sometimes it's just not about blaming anyone!

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The irony of you accusing me of not knowing...having just yourself imagined all sorts of theorectical scenarios to justify him not prioritising his daughter.

I replied on the given facts. His decision has resulted in the impact on his relationship with his daughter. It's unfortunate and not the fault of the OP but it is what it is. I'm fed up with women carrying the can for decisions men make.

RegainingTheWill2023 · 31/07/2023 18:27

Willyoujustbequiet · 31/07/2023 18:23

The irony of you accusing me of not knowing...having just yourself imagined all sorts of theorectical scenarios to justify him not prioritising his daughter.

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You are utterly blinkered.

Tapasgoofy · 31/07/2023 18:27

Willyoujustbequiet · 31/07/2023 17:26

Utter nonsense.

The dm escaped domestic violence and possibly protected the child in the process. The df knowingly entered into a relationship that kept him in an area hundreds of miles from his existing child. He is responsible for his own choices about where he chose to live and be tied to. She is not responsible for the fact that a man chose to be violent towards her.

Please don't bother engaging because despite your protestations it reads like victim blaming.

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She didn’t need to move 400 miles away though and she could of left the daughter with her father instead of messing up her life and uprooting her.

Her poor choices have led to moving a distance away.

But blame the dad.

Tapasgoofy · 31/07/2023 18:29

Willyoujustbequiet · 31/07/2023 18:23

The irony of you accusing me of not knowing...having just yourself imagined all sorts of theorectical scenarios to justify him not prioritising his daughter.

Show quote history

Women carrying the can…. Ha ha

Shes the one that went on and entered a shit relationship and had to uproot and remove her daughter from her father.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 31/07/2023 18:34

Who is to blame for the distance isn't really the question here

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