Summer holiday support thread

[memoriesofamiga]

I know plenty of step parents struggle with the summer holidays and the change in routine (I'm definitely one of them) so I thought it might be helpful to have a running thread for support during the next 6 weeks or so. 😀

I'll start. DSDs (13 and 11) have just arrived for 2 weeks. It's the longest time in the year they have away from their Mum with us and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't on edge, even after 7 years of being with their Dad. He's a disney dad who wants to force us all to be together all the time, when neither they nor I want that. My own DD (12) struggles with oversocialisation so it's a tricky balance for everyone. Literally 5 minutes after they've arrived and DP is stressing himself because the dishwasher is full from last night's cooking. That'll be a pointed comment in my direction because I've been off work spendng time with DD today. He's now saying he isn't sure how he's going to cook a meal. He could hand wash, but no. The SKs have arrived, not said hello (which is usual) and gone to their rooms. It's going to be a very long summer. 🤣

Honest question, absolutely not stirring, but if you did this from their point of view, what do you think they would write?

You have my sympathies.

Moving forward, can you holiday separately? That way your DH gets time with his DC and you yours?

@Connebert oh ive no doubt they would much rather have time alone with their dad without me, and that's fine. We all find it tough being on top of each other when most of the year the time we spend together is EOW, and I usually suggest days where they spend time with Dad and I spend time with my DD, then we get together on other days. That works better. Which I think is what @PizzaPastaWine means.

Ah, a Disney dad who's not capable of switching on the dishwasher. You have my sympathies.

I think it's fine to have a few family days organised but being forced to spend the full 2 weeks altogether is just stupid. Conventional families don't spend all day every day together and at the kids ages they definitely will want time to do their own thing.

@memoriesofamiga good idea for the thread. The holidays can be tricky for many.

Thank you@LemonLimeDivine I'm hoping it will be. Certainly a place without judgement from me anyway as I know that's difficult enough to get on MN.

Dinner has been successfully made @Laurdo the first crisis now been averted 😂. Kids are happy and all is relaxed for now.

Im not looking forward to it either.

I've spent the last years trying to convince myself that I have the best set up with the children. And whilst we have a good relationship I've finally been honest with myself and their dad that I feel relieved when they go back to their mums and that the time with them is tough.

Mainly because they are wound up before they get here by their mum. Im not throwing shade at here unnecessarily she is just not an agreeable person. They've been told really annoying things like 'it's not a holiday unless you go on a plane'. There is this is expectation that we have to go on days out everyday and if we don't then we aren't organised. And my favourite when we nipped to the supermarket is 'you should do this when we aren't her"

@roseheartfly Have you tried giving gentle natural consequences to the comments like leaving the supermarket and letting them eat the random crap in the cupboard?

I'm kind of ok with it as DH does ALL the cooking when they are here. Not looking forward to it as yeah the dishwasher situation gets silly. Also they squabble a lot so I'll be going into the office to work a bit more 😅

My two weeks hasn't started yet, but I'm not looking forward to it either, good luck OP!

I’m very lucky that we stick to our normal EOW arrangement all year… the only time it changes is over Xmas.

Which means no extra in school holidays. This is mainly because we had to go to court to even get access and it was before SC went to school and no one thought to add it in.

Well I thank my lucky stars.

SC wouldnt be able to stay for a extra in the week though anyway as my OH is at work and it’s just me and I refuse to do childcare.

Having my step kids here in general is hard going, but extra in holidays is just painful. They are super fussy with food, stay up late (they refuse to go bed before 10pm ages 9 and 10 because that's that time bedtime js at mummy's). They sit, take up the sofa, leave stuff everywhere and are just noisy and irritating. I have 2 under 2 and when my babies go to bed I'm in desperate need of childfree evenings, tidy living room, sit with glass of wine and veg on the sofa. Nope, can't do that when they here. I also work 30 hours a week at work. I'm exhausted and when they come my jobs at home quadruples. My DH works like 60 hours a week so when he gets home he feels he needs to rest. Well so would I! Another story. But anyways, roll on September

When my kids go up to bed my step kid has to go up too! End of discussion.

That sounds tough @Louoby especially when there's such an age gap. After your put yours to bed could you take yourself off to a space where you can be quiet and veg for a bit, like your bedroom?

Thankfully DSS maintained his EOW routine during the school holidays. DH works long hours and any extra visits usually happened in DH’s absence (so I never encouraged them) and resulted in DSS taking over the lounge and me ending up in my bedroom if I wanted peace/privacy. They were very grim years

Uch I dread the holidays. This past week they've been abroad with their mum and it's been bliss. My DH and I have got on great but that ends soon and I'm dreading it

Oh how I'm not looking forward to this.

We will take dsd over the holidays but she's always massively put out if my dd or our joint son is present (awkward since this is their primary residence). Then we will organise stuff just for dsd as there's a large age gap which she will do with her dad one on one, no matter what is planned she will sulk (even if she chose the activity the day before) we do something as a family, she will sulk, so I have pretty much given up planning anything nice because she sulks. I'm putting it down to teens being teens but it's hard work with my own let alone a teen that tells me repeatedly the baby is crying (like I don't have ears or like I'm not trying to manically sooth baby)

Wine anyone ?

I'll have a drink @namechangenacy 🍷
Today for us worked OK, my DD went out to her bestie's house for most of the day and the SKs played games with their Dad. So things were fairly chilled. We're going to go see DP's family tomorrow for a few days which can be tricky as they treat both DD and me with classic British polite passive aggression. More wine may be needed.

@Tapasgoofy I do most nights end upstairs at like 8:30/9:00 so can just relax but then I get messages from my OH moaning why I don't want to spend time with them. I can't win lol

@memoriesofamiga tagged the wrong person in my reply. See above. Thanks x

@Tapasgoofy problem is, my two are under 2 years old and go up for bath, stories and bed at 6:30, in bed for 7pm. I can't exactly expect a 9 and 10 year old to do the same. Plus they share rooms, well my two are girl and boy and my step kids re girl and boy so the share with one each. They usually here 6 nights a month but more in holidays. So they can't just go to their rooms as our babies are asleep in there.

Can DH just take the SKs? Why do you have to be involved?

Ah I see. In my house when my kids go up (12,10) they don’t go up to bed to sleep. They go up to their room to watch a movie, read, draw etc. They then go to sleep at 10-10.30pm.
My daughter calls it her chill time😂 She gets very annoyed if we are out and we eat into her chill time 😅
So when I send mine up, my step kid has to go up with them too.

I normally send them up about 8pm so I get a couple of hours rest before bed.

I'm jumping on if that OK, but they are here very little, his son is 16 and daughter Is 7, son soes not want to come anymore given age wants to be with his mates, but is forced eow cause his sister won't come without him, to make it better I have a LG 8m and I'm just sorting her bedroom out, now it was his wee girls room, but given she won't stay unless in her bros room has not slept in her room in 2 years. My LG needs a room and I'm using it, they here this weekend and my dp is oh she will be raging her bedroom, she not seen it in two years and I'm not keeping it a shrine, think he more worried but her telling her ma when she goes home lol that I have took a bedroom that she hated.

Oh and dp is asleep by ten when they here and she still running around the room at midnight.