They make so much noise, I'm on edge every time they're here

[Gertrudes1]

My on/off partner lives with me and as such of course his kids should see this as their home too, I get that and totally encourage it.

The problem is the amount of noise they make. It's alot and It's getting me in so much trouble with my neighbours.

I live in a flat and my neighbour is sick of the noise. I have already been screamed at due to noise they make. I'm worried I might end up in bother with the landlord or even worse be assaulted.

I don't blame them for being pissed off because when they're loud they are loud and no amount of asking or telling them makes a difference. It goes in one ear and out of the other.

Due to the on/off nature of the relationship he isn't on the tenancy agreement so of course none of the fallout will affect him.

This evening DP was playing hungry hippos with them and the middle one was full on jumping up and down on the floor, dropping to the floor, stamp running on the spot. This is the middle DC who gets over excited, he may have some undiagnosed special needs but I can't say for sure.

Imagine being underneath that. You would get annoyed wouldn't you?

DP tells them umpteen times but it doesn't register.

Am I being unreasonable, are rhe neighbours?

If you aren't in a stable relationship I think it's a bit irresponsible to be living together. That must be so confusing for the kids living at different houses depending on whether dad has fallen in or out with his girlfriend that month. Where does he live when you split up? I suggest you remain living apart. By all means meet up with the kids, take them to the park etc. I generally don't agree with partners being introduced to kids until a relationship is serious and stable but that ships already sailed for you guys. I certainly wouldn't be risking my home for the sake of someone else's kids who may or may not be my boyfriend next month.

Can't you just say to the children "you're welcome in my home but on the condition that you're respectful to my rules which include reduced noise" or words to that effect?
It's your home. Grow a backbone and set boundaries!

If they're going to keep coming round then get a thick rug and some flare audio headphones for you. encourage outside play.

I have spoken to them a handful of times about the noise and they agree to keep it down but that only lasts for an hour or so.

They are fully aware that a neighbour is upset about noise when they're here and they're reminded of that when they're banging about.

I don't think there's any malice in any of it, they just don't seem to absorb what I / we are saying.

Is it possible they can't help it? Is it normal for kids to make a racket and not understand why it's not OK?

DP doesn't have anywhere else to live and that's why we are still cohabiting despite the on/off relationship. He does contribute to the rent and bills so it's his home too for all intents and purposes barring the tenancy. We are more like friends that live these days.

This evening I was telling him he needs to tell his DS to stop banging on the floor and he did several times then his DS just forgets himself and does it again.

He's not on the tenancy. It's not your issue he has nowhere to go.
be clear, you've had complaints, you've had enough. He has to move out.

You havent said how old they are

Its completely different if they are 5 or 10

Have you got hard flooring?

How often are the kids at yours?

He’s not parenting the effectively. Obviously. If he’s telling them not to jump up and down or make loads of noise and they are consistently still doing it, he needs to change how he’s approaching things so his kids aren’t crashing and banging around.

if he’s not willing to do that, then he’s going to have to find somewhere else to live. Isn’t he?

I live in a flat and my neighbour is sick of the noise. I have already been screamed at due to noise they make. I'm worried I might end up in bother with the landlord or even worse be assaulted.

He needs to find somewhere else to live.

I honestly don’t know what advice you’re looking for.

The man shouldn’t be living with you. This would solve ALL your problems.

But asking him to move out isn’t an option for you - so I don’t know what you want us to say, other than continually nag (as this is how they see you) them to keep it down.

Sounds like fun.

Sorry I’m unsympathetic - but I don’t have much patience for people who refuse to help themselves.

He needs to make alternative arrangements. What happens when you are threatened with eviction?

I agree he should go, I'm just very reluctant to make him homeless in the process. It'll take time to find somewhere in the current climate. The rental market is brutal. I know that because I've been looking for a new place myself.

He may not be on the tenancy but he contributes alot and It's that fact that makes me feel less able to tell him to leave.

If I told him we need to talk about the current arrangements and that it's best he finds somewhere else I would want to give him a reasonable amount of time to do that, maybe 2-3 months as he'd need to save up.. would it be unacceptable to say he will have to see his DC elsewhere until then?

They are with him twice a week and more often during the holidays.

Tell him he can't have the children at your flat unless he keeps them quiet, so no physical games, he needs to take them out for the most part and just in for bedtime.
Get extra carpet put in - you can get big rugs fairly cheaply, have a shoes off policy, and if that doesn't work, give him notice.

Why are you looking for a new place
OP, do you need his input to keep the current place?
If not just ask him to leave. Why should you put up with complaints from the neighbours and all the noise from his kids if you aren't in a stable relationship?
My own child is the noisiest child in the world, and like fuck would I put up with that nonsense if I hadn't birthed them!

You could be evicted whilst giving him “the time he needs”.

They are not your children, he is not even your partner. Tell him he has to seen them elsewhere.

OP, do you need his input to keep the current place long term I would yes.

My rent has been put up by £160 pm which is perfectly doable with us both living here but not so much with just me on my own.

I've been looking for the past 6 weeks now as I'm well aware the relationship doesn't have legs but the rent hikes are far reaching and everything seems to be so much more £ now, that goes for deposits too. Its a nightmare.

I think if you were to ask him he'd say the same as me as far as the relationship goes, it's pretty much dead now (we're not even intimate) it's just logistics that keep us together more than anything else.

If its an on/ off relationship I'd think twice about sharing my home with them.
The kids are part of the deal if you live with their dad and if youre on edge with them and the relationships unstable I think youd be better off living separately and think hard about if its worth continuing the relationship.
If the DC have suspected SEN its going to be harder to reason with them and for them to modify their behaviour. Hungry hippos is a very noisy ( but fun) game!
I think you can just keep reminding them, does they dad also do this? Take them out lots when they visit to burn off energy and get thick rugs. Its hard to keep kids quiet and noise travels in a flat but think hard if the relationship is working for you.

I agree with this, if you're going to let them keep coming. My DSS is loud and constantly forgets us telling him to keep it down but tbh we just keep on at him and eventually he gets in trouble. Are there any consequences if they keep doing it?

And as others have said - how old are they? Very key information.

In terms of whether it's fair to ask him to have them elsewhere - yes, if there is an "elsewhere". Could he go to his parents?

Ultimately you need to be prioritising separating properly and living apart. Don't let yourself get in trouble with your landlord/neighbours over this.

Thank you

They are 9-11 so plenty old enough to understand the need to keep noise down, just perhaps not old enough to care very much about adhering to it.

Unfortunately DP's parents live 6 hours away and are uninvolved for the most part so there's no chance of him taking them there. There isn't really any option bar here which is why I'm holding back a bit.

There's a carpet warehouse nearby I'll give them a call and see what they have in at a reasonable price for the time being.

Are there any consequences? Not really no, he just raises his voice after the tenth (or so) time.

I‘ve seen large memory foam rugs advertised, I‘ve not tried them, but I bet the‘d be tick enough to absorb some of the sound, and might be cheaper than carpet too (plus if you ever moved, you could take them with you). Perhaps you could ask your DP to buy a couple?

They are absolutely old enough to be quiet, my 7 year old knows and understands when he has to be quiet. I would tell your DP that the children can't come round unless they are quiet as it is going to put your rental at risk due to complaints

I've found what sounds like the rugs you've mentioned Which so I've bookmarked them and I'm going to send him the link in a minute.

That's interesting to hear Louoby as a part of me was questioning whether they just can't help it, because y'know, kids.