Telling step kids about new baby

[Chunkychips23]

Hi all,

Back for advice again 😬

I’m pregnant (finally!) and all is going well and into the 2nd trimester now.

My partner has three kids from a previous relationship. For background, his two youngest have fallen foul of a mixture of parental alienation and his Disneyland Dadding biting him in the butt. The youngest SD15 will now only see him if he takes her out or buys her things or will get very clingy and baby like if she sees him paying attention to anyone else. SD17 will cut DP out of his life as soon as he disciplines him and will then appear again after a few months. Unfortunately BM does stir the pot a little telling the two youngest mistruths such as “when your Dad left me, he left you too don’t forget” (it’s been well over a decade since their divorce - DP has ALWAYS been in their lives, he didn’t do a disappearing act)

DP wants to tell the two youngest today when he drops them home that I’m pregnant. It’s going to go down like a lead balloon regardless, but I think he’s being a little cowardly doing it that way? Surely he should set aside more time so they can ask questions and process it with him, rather than “here’s some breaking news, off you go”

I’m worried it’s going to damage his relationship with them further if he doesn’t handle it correctly. No matter how they can act like brats these days, they are still children who I don’t want to see hurt. I’m worried that if they go straight back to BM, she is not going to reassure them and will use this to manipulate further.

How have others broken the news to stepchildren about a new sibling? Any tips or guidance?

It actually got better with the Mum but unfortunately the older two are still not interested in my little one.

BM? She is their Mother.

Your making a assumption over what's best for the children based on whatever issues you have.

I saw your previous comment and it was complete out of line.

It's probably not best for mum. Although thankfully not all mums would act in spiteful way upon hearing their child would be having a sibling.

Op some people will say your the devil incarnate for daring to have a child with a man that has children.

I'm very thankful I have my sister (half - only say that for MN) and grateful to have her in my life.

👏🏻👏🏻

This is what I thought, there's always a weird thing on here about step mothers referring to the actual mother as the birth mother when that phrase absolutely has other connotations. It's not BM it's just 'mum' it's literally only one more letter!

It’s an abbreviation, not a personal attack. Like SM, SC etc. It’s not intended to be diminishing to first wives or mothers in any shape or form. Well not from me anyway. I’ll be a BM soon and I won’t be losing sleep or getting offended over that title.

Why is having a new baby always seen negatively? I had a dc with a new dh. That dc is now 8 and the pride of each and every sibling. Never 1 negative moment at all. Congratulations op. Never apologise to anyone for your precious dc...

This

Plus he already has 3 kids who appear to be messed and by your own admission is a Disney dad..

Not the wisest move to pick him as the father. Fast forward a few years and you'll be the ex complaining about him.

Benefit of being the 2nd wife, you see all the flaws and the mistakes. I’m not entering anything blindly.

He’s aware his overcompensating was a mistake. He was trying to do the best for his kids, where they’d been told by BM that him leaving her was him leaving them. They’ve had that narrative shoved down their throats over and over and over, so he’s felt he’s had to prove his love for them.

It’s such a shame that some mothers project their own bitterness onto their children.

I know some MN users like to see all fathers who’ve dared move on as being deadbeats and SM’s as being evil usurpers! …If he was the kind of person who didn’t give a crap about his kids, l wouldn’t have given him the time of day.

Stop referring to their actual mother as birth mother. You are their fathers wife and she is their mother.

Birth Mother is not the term to use here.

Gets a bit confusing when op will also be mum. Which I believe op has already stated why she used bm in her posts.

Different strokes different folks. Interesting though that's the only advice you have for op...