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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Excluded from days out

64 replies

summerdresss · 07/06/2023 13:37

DP has DD who is 10. We live together, and have been together for 4 years, DD is with us 50% of time.

There was always a push from DP for all of us to spend the time together. His DD is with us every weekend, so all weekend trips, evenings on weekdays when she is over he always wanted me being there. I pushed for them two to have 1:1 as well, but DP was never keen on it.

Most holidays we have done were with DP's DD. I found them really difficult, she would constantly say she doesn't want me to be there, she wants her parents back together, she wants to go on holiday with mum and dad, and how awesome it was when her mum and dad used to go on holiday with her. She would compare it constantly and constantly compare me to her mum.

So this year I told DP that I would want to go on holiday just with him, and I still can go with DD another time but I would want the time for us. He said that isn't possible.

Ok, I got the message. I booked annual leave without consulting it with him (we would usually try to book some time off together and then he brings DD over for extra days).

He didn't like it.

We argued a few days later. How unreasonable I am, I never think of all of us but only think about myself (getting my holidays booked when I wanted for first time this year, visiting my family sometimes on my own not always with them, going shopping on my own, going to hairdressers on my own....and so on). He then in anger told DD that summer dress won't want to go on holiday anywhere is she is to come too. That I don't like the fact that DD would be enjoying holiday and and clearly DD is an inconvenience for me.

Since then I'm not invited to join them for any trips, and if I ask if I could come, DP would say 'am I not even allowed to take DD anywhere on my own?' As if I ever expected that. His DD is of course listening to all this and God knows what is she thinking.

That's not the live I wanted 😞 it is so hard not to get basic needs met and to be the villain for actually wanting anything. So tired of this

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 07/06/2023 13:38

He’s a despicable partner and an even worse father. Bin.

BodenCardiganNot · 07/06/2023 13:38

Would you consider ending the relationship? Life is too short to live it like this.

Lkgcsr · 07/06/2023 13:44

That’s awful that he said that in front of his DD. The way he’s punishing you is completely out of order; often I think when men want the partner there all the time it’s more about them not wanting to do things with just their DC than actually wanting that person there. I’ve always done my own thing when DSD is with us as well as all together. When I got together with DH I became his partner and part of DSDs life but not a stand in parent.
Also holidays for just you as a couple are completely fine; a holiday with DSD was lovely but not the restful holiday that I needed and as someone who hadn’t chosen to be a parent was perfectly entitled to have

AnotherForumUser · 07/06/2023 13:47

Please reconsider this relationship. He's not recognising that you are an individual person. He's trying to force you into a mould of the perfect mother with no thoughts of her own or independence. You are allowed a fucking haircut without him and his child attending with you. It's not normal or healthy. Now he's in a major spiteful strop because you dare to have some life outside of his demands. Get rid of this shitty emotional leech.

Quitelikeit · 07/06/2023 13:51

What a pathetic man

Im sorry but you are not her mother, you’ve no kids yet he wants to pin you down to take on a role you haven’t created for yourself!

no weekends?! Honestly run

he is treating you with contempt

who owns your house?

Do you pay him much or him you?

I bet he take advantage financially too

Theunamedcat · 07/06/2023 13:51

Whose house are you living in? Joint? I would leave and not put up with it no need to make a fuss just pack and leave

Brefugee · 07/06/2023 13:52

oh dear. DP not DH? easier to bin him off, right?

Unicorn2022 · 07/06/2023 13:58

Dump him. This is no life for you.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/06/2023 14:01

So you're not allowed time to yourself then? If he thinks he's punishing you for doing your own thing then I'd not put up with that a) your're not a child, you are allowed to di as you see fut and b) he's a lazy parent who wants you to do the hard work. Bin him Op

Original poster
summerdresss · 07/06/2023 14:02

Joint house and I do consider what my options are. I'm only 35 and that no way to live.

Poor DD having to listen to all this crap. I get on really well with her and she also prefers when I'm there rather than just her dad (that's of course except of holidays when her home memories and missing mum take the lead).

He prommissed me all, home, happy life. But the longer we live together the more I feel he is disrespectful and couldn't care less how I feel as long as he gets out what he wants.

One minute he can be lovely and another time he would belittle and make me the villain. Lack of experience of blended families makes me doubting myself a lot.

OP posts:
ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 07/06/2023 14:05

He's not a nice person. I'd leave him. The fact he said that to his DD is really quite awful for both of you and I can't see how the situation can be fixed.

aSofaNearYou · 07/06/2023 14:12

He sounds like an absolute twat. I'd move on.

Softoprider · 07/06/2023 14:13

This is probably why he isn't married to his daughter's mother. He sounds awful OP and if he can be so childish and petty with you now what will it be like later? Doing it in front of his daughter for brownie points? She will know for sure.

LetItGoHome · 07/06/2023 14:16

Disrespecting you in front of your SD like this is awful. What does he expect to achieve from this? Does he want SD to dislike you or does he want you to have an awkward relationship with her? He is acting like a child himself. I personally wouldn't bother trying to get to the bottom of this and I'd leave him. I couldn't have a relationship with someone with such appalling communication skills.

candlesflamesandbrooms · 07/06/2023 14:18

This is emotional abuse.

It's nothing to do with being a blended family and everything to do with control and keeping you in line.

Run run run away bloody fast. Don't be the frog that boils in the pot.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/06/2023 14:29

He wants to control you, his little tirade in front of his DD was an attempt to shame you into falling back into line.

I'd leave, he isn't nice or even respectful to you in any way.

JulieHoney · 07/06/2023 14:35

Bin him, you don’t need this crap from anyone, especially not a partner.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 07/06/2023 14:39

Your relationship is shite op. Is that all you are worth?

newwings · 07/06/2023 14:39

summerdresss · 07/06/2023 14:02

Joint house and I do consider what my options are. I'm only 35 and that no way to live.

Poor DD having to listen to all this crap. I get on really well with her and she also prefers when I'm there rather than just her dad (that's of course except of holidays when her home memories and missing mum take the lead).

He prommissed me all, home, happy life. But the longer we live together the more I feel he is disrespectful and couldn't care less how I feel as long as he gets out what he wants.

One minute he can be lovely and another time he would belittle and make me the villain. Lack of experience of blended families makes me doubting myself a lot.

Blended families are very very hard work for some of us. Even more so if you don't have any of your own children. So much to take on lovely, I would t waste your youth trying to accommodate this man's life and responsibilities.

ValerieGoldberg · 07/06/2023 14:43

He is being ridiculous and a prick to say something like that to his own daughter. It is totally normal to want to have a child free holiday now and again. Even just a few days away. He is being childish and nasty. I would dump him!

HandbagsnGladrags · 07/06/2023 14:44

What a horrible man he is. 'That isn't possible' ??!! Please be clear with him that he is not the boss of you. Or even better, get rid of him.

excelledyourself · 07/06/2023 14:45

Please rid yourself of this selfish, manipulative bully.

funinthesun19 · 07/06/2023 15:08

Wow what a gas lighting prick he is. And controlling and manipulative. How dare he turn this on to you in front of his DD!

Fatat40 · 07/06/2023 15:08

Leave him. Ideally today! Sell the house and start again.

Right now you have the chance to start a fresh and have your own family. Give it any longer and you are literally wasting you fertility and life on this abusive loser. Don't do it!!

Fatat40 · 07/06/2023 15:09

To be honest it sounds like he wants to split up anyway, just hasn't got the balls to do it himself