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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Looking after DSD

100 replies

bluepen12 · 19/04/2023 20:28

Need reality check.

Since we moved in with DP he topped up his time at work. I mean, he is either at work or his DD is here. No time for dates, weekends away, none.
I work in hybrid system, 3 days a week from home and his DD is 10. Stressful busy job, a lot of meetings, phone calls. Last week he said that he wants me to look after DD all day on Friday so he can go to work to do overtime. I said no sorry I'm at work. It didn't go down well. I have then been guilt tripped, told that DD was looking forward to spending some time with me, that she will be now upset, that she is self sufficient and won't be an inconvenience and I'm making a big deal out of nothing since I'm at home anyway. I stood my ground because why should money be more important to him than his DD? He earns well. Why his ex gets to go to work, he gets to go to work and I'm expected to work and look after their DD?

Today he says it's my own doing that we don't spend time together, if I was looking after his DD more, he then could do more overtime then and wouldn't need to work that much when DD isn't here.

Please tell me this is not as bad as I think it is.

You can clearly tell our blending doesn't go well.

OP posts:
Gondala · 20/04/2023 06:50

Tell him to take her into work with him if she's so easy. I would leave, I couldn't be attracted to someone who cares so little about not only me but his daughter too.

Weedoormatnomore · 20/04/2023 06:53

Sorry it is as bad as you think when he is telling you it's your fault ! 🚩definitely is not. Normal work hours trumps overtime every time for childcare.

moonspiral · 20/04/2023 06:54

I am guessing from the guilt tripping and stuff that you care about his daughter. This might make it tricky for you to leave but I tell myself that the best thing I can do for my DSC is set them an example. So I my DH does their housework etc- I don't we thought it very important that DH shows that as their parent he does this and it isn't just left to the nearest woman.

Mari9999 · 20/04/2023 11:20

OP, he is expecting something that you do not wish to deliver. No one wants to live in a situation that makes their life more difficult.

This situation is not working for you. Move on an find someone with whom your expectations should be more compatible. Assuming that his daughter was neither neglected or left alone prior to your moving in, they have and will manage without your services. Leave them to it, and find a different living arrangement for yourself.

TheChoiceIsYours · 20/04/2023 11:24

He sounds absolutely horrible - nasty and manipulative. Who uses their daughter as some kind of pawn for emotionally blackmailing their partner? He sounds like an utter cretin and a horrible father - run, run and run faster. And FGS don’t get pregnant!! He sounds like the type to try and trap you by getting you pregnant then shifting all care for his daughter onto you because ‘you’re looking after DC2 anyway’.

Gross.

YellowGreenBlue · 20/04/2023 11:30

It's bad enough that he asked you in the first place. The fact that you said no and he's still trying to make it happen is even worse. He's putting himself above you and his DD, OP.

lookluv · 20/04/2023 12:27

Leave him now.

ohsuzannah · 20/04/2023 12:39

Please move out! You can still see him and his dd without being expected to do childcare. Good luck PP Flowers

Yousee · 20/04/2023 15:00

Oh my, he seems very sure that his platinum plated vibrating willy will be enough to make you take this shite on the chin and stay on the leash, doesn't he?
Shake him off, OP. If he's like this 6 months in to living together the slippery slope isn't going to lead anywhere fun for you.

Newjobformoremoney · 20/04/2023 15:03

Run. Run for the hills.

Original poster
bluepen12 · 20/04/2023 19:36

YellowGreenBlue · 20/04/2023 11:30

It's bad enough that he asked you in the first place. The fact that you said no and he's still trying to make it happen is even worse. He's putting himself above you and his DD, OP.

I wouldn't mind him asking. It's the fact he told me what I'm going have to do, the subsequent fallout and guilt tripping made me so angry.

Part of me still hopes it was a one off

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 20/04/2023 19:56

bluepen12 · 20/04/2023 19:36

I wouldn't mind him asking. It's the fact he told me what I'm going have to do, the subsequent fallout and guilt tripping made me so angry.

Part of me still hopes it was a one off

Show quote history

It won't be a one off, he will just try different tactics to get his way, this is the reason he moved you in.

AmandaHoldensLips · 20/04/2023 22:07

So Friday is tomorrow. Has he rearranged his day so he can parent his own daughter?

moonspiral · 20/04/2023 22:09

bluepen12 · 20/04/2023 19:36

I wouldn't mind him asking. It's the fact he told me what I'm going have to do, the subsequent fallout and guilt tripping made me so angry.

Part of me still hopes it was a one off

Show quote history

You can hope it's a one off. You know it won't be though.

SheilaFentiman · 20/04/2023 22:21

AmandaHoldensLips · 20/04/2023 22:07

So Friday is tomorrow. Has he rearranged his day so he can parent his own daughter?

It was last Friday

Floofydawg · 20/04/2023 22:36

@SheilaFentiman erm no it wasn't, she only posted this last night.

Floofydawg · 20/04/2023 22:37

Oh wait, you're right 🤦‍♀️

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 20/04/2023 22:46

In short, you're living with a man who when you say "no" to him, he ignores you and carries on as if you said "yes"?

Let that sink in and plan to move out ASAP.

Codlingmoths · 20/04/2023 22:51

There’s nothing one off about this. He upped his hours when you moved in.

Invadersmustdie · 21/04/2023 07:53

Good luck with this one OP, you are going to need it. Read some of the other threads on here to show you where this will go. No shame in admitting you've picked a garden variety nob who seems to think you should be grateful to exist around him and his child.

DarkDarkNight · 22/04/2023 10:06

It’s not a one off though is it? He has said that if you want to spend more time with him then he will do lots of overtime when his daughter is here (with you doing all the wife work) so he can do less work when it’s just the two of you.

He sounds like a really crap father. Does he not want to spend time with his child wen he only sees her a couple of times a week? He should be prioritising spending time with her.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 22/04/2023 10:23

He is trying to outsource his parental responsibility to you. It's completely messed up.

MissyPea · 22/04/2023 14:11

100% manipulation right there. Wording it so you feel like the bad person for thinking and feeling otherwise. Because “you’re the free childcare now” would never get the response that works in his favour.

Dontknownow86 · 22/04/2023 14:27

I've been there op. It doesn't get better you just get trained to tolerate it if you do. I'd consider if you really want this long term.

hourbyhour101 · 22/04/2023 16:55

This is gaslighting.

The fact he would prefer to work than see his own daughter in which he has limited time with is v concerning.

I grew up in step family and as much as you may like your step parents, they aren't there for them to see you.

Even if that was the case - they would still be there to see you and her parent.

He seems to have transplanted his parental responsibility on to you under the guise of "family" aka you do the grunt work.