Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Holidays

55 replies

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 09:34

Should stepchildren always be included in holidays? Or is it ok for DH, stepmum and their joint children to go away just them sometimes?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Grumpi · 07/04/2023 10:22

Your first mistake was mentioning it to the ex. Don’t do that again. It’s absolutely nothing to do with her how you live your life or spend your time outside of your contact time. And even within in, she has NO right to even comment on your plans.

The fact that she has then told her own child that his dad doesn’t want to take him and sold it that he’s being left out on purpose tells you absolutely 100% everything you need to know about this woman.

Blended families are hard, dealing with a cunt of an ex is extremely hard. You can’t do right for doing wrong a lot of the time so you’d be best to do what suits the majority and to ensure over time it is a fair.

We are not taking DSC away on holiday this year with my DC, there are many reasons. They are going with their mum. DH will take them away on a more suitable trip in the summer. I’m not letting my kids grow up compromised because my DH and his ridiculous ex have failed to maintain a supportive, amicable parenting relationship that would allow the kids to understand blended family life without upset or hurt

junebirthdaygirl · 07/04/2023 10:23

Could your dh do something more active during the Summer with ds? Surfing weekend/ camping etc so he has some fun too and time alone with his Dad. The other option is inviting dss on your cheap and cheerful holiday as he might just enjoy a change of scene and if the weather turns out nice he might have a great time. Let him decide and then he is not left out just not bothered.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/04/2023 10:25

Your first mistake was mentioning it to the ex

I disagree. I think their first mistake was assuming dss wouldn't want to come without even giving him the courtesy of deciding for himself. Its unfair.

Original poster

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 10:26

Exactly!

OP posts:

lookluv · 07/04/2023 10:28

You deliberately asked mum when she was going away so could book at the same time - seriously how confrontational do you have to be.

How about asking him if he wants to come to Skegness and then mke a decision from there.

Once again unnecessary inflammatory way of approaching the issue. And as a Mum I would feel miffed for my DCS if this was done to them( sorry has been done to them 10+ times)

Original poster

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 10:29

Yousee · 07/04/2023 10:16

This annoys me, too. She was so keen to paint you as the bad guy but she's the only one who actively went out of her way to make sure her child's feelings get hurt. Not that many on MN will see it that way, because she's the mother and can do no wrong.

Show quote history

Exactly.

OP posts:

Original poster

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 10:31

lookluv · 07/04/2023 10:28

You deliberately asked mum when she was going away so could book at the same time - seriously how confrontational do you have to be.

How about asking him if he wants to come to Skegness and then mke a decision from there.

Once again unnecessary inflammatory way of approaching the issue. And as a Mum I would feel miffed for my DCS if this was done to them( sorry has been done to them 10+ times)

How is this confrontational? Surely less so as then DSS isn’t ‘left behind’ as is going away himself - somewhere much better!

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2023 10:33

I don't think they have to come on every holiday and have argued this to the death on multiple threads.

But another bugbear of mine is kids being ungrateful for holidays they deem rubbish and sulking about it. I would never have dreamt of acting that way as a teen. I'd have told him what the holiday would be like and given him the option of going, and absolutely not tolerated bad attitude about the quality of the holiday if he went.

Original poster

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 10:34

Deeno123 · 07/04/2023 10:26

Exactly!

Sorry this was meant to quote a pp

OP posts:

IForgotOurSong · 07/04/2023 10:38

We always take DSD which means we’re a family of five which prices is out of a lot of things so we have adapted what we do accordingly. She is a teenager while our shared DC are still in primary school so it’s hard to find something that suits them all, but I wouldn’t like her to be left out, I’d also worry about needing to get back to her if something happened to her and we were away. That’s just me though, I do think some families manage this differently.

Maybe83 · 07/04/2023 10:40

It depends on the circumstances. If you can only afford one holiday then we always did the holiday we could afford based on taking them all.

We have large age gaps and have one each and children together.

We also over the years have done combination of holidays with them based on their ages. Small nights away based on their age and interests but longer family trips would be including them all.

His ex has told your SC that their father was checking dates to go away with out them. I'm not sure why your annoyed she didn't lie. He is.

What you should have done was said our holiday plans this year are xyz would you like to come.

Our older kids favourite holidays we took when younger were camping and ones we rented a house by the beach so don't assume he wouldn't want to go.

BungleandGeorge · 07/04/2023 10:40

Generally there’s very little if any price difference between 3 and 4 in self catering. Just invite him if it’s not to his taste he doesn’t have to go.

lookluv · 07/04/2023 10:44

Hello EX - can you tell us when you re going on holiday, so we can book at the same time and save monies by not having to take DC away as well.

Not confrontational at all.

Just ask the teen - much simpler, less confrontational and more adult way of approaching the issue.

WhiteBloatus · 07/04/2023 12:53

thegrain · 07/04/2023 10:01

Mum is split from dad. She's not in the family that is going on holiday. She gets no say and needs to wind her neck in.

Show quote history

The compromises are for the children not the mum! So that they can all included as they are all equally important within the family.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 13:06

WhiteBloatus · 07/04/2023 12:53

The compromises are for the children not the mum! So that they can all included as they are all equally important within the family.

Show quote history

The comprise is the dsc doesn't get to come.

espoleta · 07/04/2023 13:20

As a mum and a SM I think it really depends on the number and types of holidays you take.
We take many holidays, with different people with different people going so us going away without DSC isn’t an issue. Life can’t revolve around a contact schedule.
But this is different. It’s the only holiday of the year. I don’t think you can go without your step kid.

maddy68 · 07/04/2023 13:40

My dad always included me in the family holiday with my step family

My mum and step dad also took me but excluded my step brother

It was always sadder for me he wasn't included

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2023 14:56

We take the SC (and my DC) on a trip once a year. Other trips we just take our shared DC. He's much younger than they are and it's a different type of holiday. They're never really bothered.

Plus quite honestly, I don't want them there every single time we go away. It's draining, never much feels like a holiday and I then rarely get to spend anytime with my DH.

Jagoda · 07/04/2023 16:09

YANBU but the way you handled it could be improved.

vivainsomnia · 07/04/2023 17:07

I just think he’ll think it’s a bit shit compared to what he’s been used to, and would be bored to tears
Then ask him. If he's not interested, matter resolved!

DoingUp · 07/04/2023 22:03

WhiteBloatus · 07/04/2023 09:56

A parent should not take one of their children away and not the other. Yes they may get holidays with the other parent too, but we certainly can’t begrudge them that when they also have contend with the challenges of a blended family which are hard enough for adults to navigate let alone kids. They should always be invited (or an equivalent alternative in place) to every family holiday… like the joint children!

Are you a step parent or in a blended family?

holaschicas · 08/04/2023 07:20

There’s another thread already debating this. Brace yourself for the standard stepmum bashing.

holaschicas · 08/04/2023 07:21

@WhiteBloatus
Theyre difficult for all children, not just DSC.

People need to start recognising that.

thegrain · 08/04/2023 07:24

Sorry but the world doesn't revolve around DSC. If they aren't there they aren't there. Especially when they get older and want to hang around with their mates. Only exceptions being those once in a lifetime trips.

Floofydawg · 08/04/2023 07:29

BungleandGeorge · 07/04/2023 10:40

Generally there’s very little if any price difference between 3 and 4 in self catering. Just invite him if it’s not to his taste he doesn’t have to go.

Oh, so people fly for free do they?

Flip

1 2 3