DP adult child problem

[Biscuitfiend1]

Advice needed please.
my DPs adult daughter is, I think, struggling with her dad, our relationship and the blending of our families, I have children too.
she doesn’t live with us but is always asked if she wants to join us when we go out for days and holidays. She often comes but never pays for anything (she works) and often makes snarky comments aimed at her dad and us.
I’m starting to feel really stressed about this as I feel I am trying really hard to get on with her and build a good relationship with her and us. Her dad is soft and won’t confront any disrespect. I get it’s hard for her but would like to think that she could at least try to be civil, or say what she had to say so we can talk it through/help her. am I asking too much?

Maybe she needs to spend some time just with her dad. The could go out for a meal now and again.

5 years.
He’s good with my kids.
24
we’re not planning to, too old! 🙂

What sorts of comments does she make?

24 and works 🤦🏽‍♀️
Your other half needs to tell her to be respectful there's no ifs or buts. She's still invited on holiday etc and doesn't even contribute wow I'm embarrassed for her. I won't be taking my 24 year old working ADULT child or step child on holidays for free especially with bad attitude. She is very privileged and HE needs to make that clear to her how privileged she is

You can not control his relationship with her, including his spending and his acceptance of disrespect. But you do have control over your own boundaries and actions. If someone is unkind or disrespectful to you or your children then you are not being unreasonable if you choose to no longer invite them to spend time with you or to decline any invitations to spend time with them.

I don’t expect my 24 year old DD to pay when we take her out.

24 - doesn't she have her own life? Why is she constantly tagging on to yours? My adult DS still lives with us and we don't take him on holiday (he arranges his own) and only occasionally invite him out for meals etc.

3 years
Always been the same.
she’s ok with them, but lacks patience.

iv tried to be understanding of the situation and how difficult it is to blend a family. It’s strange because it’s like she wants to be with us but is snarky and passive aggressive when she is. She’s an only child too so was definitely used to getting all the attention. I do sympathise but it’s starting to cause us problems and I feel on edge and have to bite my tongue a lot of the time. Our money is shared in one account.

I understand. It’s family money. I don’t begrudge her but it would be nice if she offered to buy a drink sometimes or similar. Things like gifts for birthdays are always a bit naff and half-arsed too. This sounds horrible but we put a lot of thought, effort and expense into her gifts.

It’s not really directed at me, more her Dad but she has sometimes rolled her eyes at me and refuses to do anything when she stays with us ie put her cup in the sink and such like

How old are your children OP?

Yes absolutely, however they are children not adults.