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Original poster

DH children with no bedtime

100 replies

answeronapostcard · 30/01/2023 23:45

My DH children come over ever weekend one Sunday all day or Saturday from 4pm until Sunday 7pm. These weekends are turnabout. They are 10 and 7. We also have them during the week two nights but not overnight.
I find the full weekends very draining as we don't get a minute the whole weekend for some adult time. The DSC are only here one night a fortnight but I would like them to have a bedtime at 9pm at the latest. It's 7.30pm at their mums. DH says that it's just one night in a fortnight and I should lighten up, I do understand his thinking but sometimes they go to bed after us, 11pm and that means the TV is monopolised by children's films. Am I being unreasonable with this suggestion of a bedtime, I won't enforce it of course, it's not up to me but he seems to think I'm being ridiculous

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beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 10:06

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aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2023 10:13

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LaviniasBigBloomers · 31/01/2023 10:14

Reugny · 31/01/2023 09:58

Yes it will do a lot of damage.

There poor mother probably has to deal with them being sleep deprived for the beginning of the next week. It will also impact on their ability to learn at school.

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None of which is OP's issue to sort, though.

Reugny · 31/01/2023 10:17

@beachcitygirl he doesn't need to agree bedtimes with his ex he just needs to parent his children.

It isn't hard to find out that children need more sleep that adults.

ElaOfSalisbury · 31/01/2023 11:43

The full weekends can be draining - don’t let others make you feel bad for thinking that. I’ve been in your position - lots of guilt driven parenting on my DH’s part and I eventually came to dread weekends. I started going out on the weekends a lot more with friends and family which helped. Don’t feel you HAVE to be there. It’s your life, enjoy it.

Kids that age need routine and a reasonable bedtime. If he won’t listen to your opinion, take some time out and leave him to deal with it (especially when both kids are tired and grumpy the next day as a result of a late bedtime).

gogohmm · 31/01/2023 11:46

I think having a bed time (with a little wiggle room) is fine but I would set it at 10pm. It's only once a fortnight

WimpoleHat · 31/01/2023 11:46

Totally unreasonable to say you can’t go out - the kids are there to see him, not to spend time with you. And if you don’t enjoy what he’s doing, why do you have to spend your weekend watching kids’ films on the TV? His parenting is his call, but he’s being unreasonable to say that you can’t leave him to it.

user432900976 · 31/01/2023 13:36

She doesn't have to imagine that.
It's really not her problem.
What is her problem though is resenting the kids a bit and a Disney dad partner.

The war in Ukraine isn't my problem either but I still imagine and think about how they feel.

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 13:41

Reugny · 31/01/2023 10:17

@beachcitygirl he doesn't need to agree bedtimes with his ex he just needs to parent his children.

It isn't hard to find out that children need more sleep that adults.

If he is a responsible parent he will absolutely coordinate bedtime with his co-parent. Lack of routine around bedtimes is hard & she shouldn't have to be the "baddie" enforcing earlier bedtimes than he allows.

God some people on here are determined to demonise mums or good co-parenting between exes. You're projecting doll.

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 13:43

@aSofaNearYou

I have said on repeated threads. We disagree on every issue & my god do you love to have a go every time.. you look silly. 🤣

Let's agree to disagree, full stop.

Ignore my posts & I'll ignore yours.

leelan · 31/01/2023 13:47

I know the feeling. My DSC stay 1-2 nights a week and have a bedtime of 10pm here (even on a school night) I find it so very annoying. They are 9 and 11.

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 13:51

@leelan is that their routine also at mums? There too young for that bedtime imho in the week.

it's difficult he won't want to change it and be the baddie if that's how it's done there or is he Disney dad at your home?

ToastAndButler · 31/01/2023 13:53

I'd be annoyed about this if I were their mum - she's working hard to give them a routine and a sensible bedtime and yet when they go to dad's anything goes and he gets to be the fun one. Obviously staying up occasionally is fine but that shouldn't always fall on the nights he has them. (Same with takeaways etc- fine occasionally but the number of men I know who always decree that the night they have the kids is takeaway night is depressing.)

That's not really relevant to you though, OP. Just go out, he can't make you stay. I think it sounds like he's trying to pretend that his night with the kids is great and everyone has this amazing time and it's just not the case. Would lose a bit of respect for him in your shoes.

aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2023 14:40

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 13:43

@aSofaNearYou

I have said on repeated threads. We disagree on every issue & my god do you love to have a go every time.. you look silly. 🤣

Let's agree to disagree, full stop.

Ignore my posts & I'll ignore yours.

I'm really not the one that looks silly. I disagree with you on multiple threads because your comments are unnecessarily rude on multiple threads. It's your style. On every thread you come in with something blatantly unnecessarily rude and nasty, and your comment is always something about how the OP is nasty. It's extremely ironic.

NewNameNigel · 31/01/2023 16:17

user432900976 · 31/01/2023 13:36

She doesn't have to imagine that.
It's really not her problem.
What is her problem though is resenting the kids a bit and a Disney dad partner.

The war in Ukraine isn't my problem either but I still imagine and think about how they feel.

@user432900976

Interesting that such an empathetic person who thinks about the feelings of others so much hasn't considered the feelings of the person whose thread they are replying to...

NewNameNigel · 31/01/2023 16:19

aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2023 14:40

I'm really not the one that looks silly. I disagree with you on multiple threads because your comments are unnecessarily rude on multiple threads. It's your style. On every thread you come in with something blatantly unnecessarily rude and nasty, and your comment is always something about how the OP is nasty. It's extremely ironic.

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@aSofaNearYou I have noticed this too. Not just on the step parenting forum either .....

user432900976 · 31/01/2023 19:08

@NewNameNigel I considered her feelings and responded. Or do we all have to run our posts past you for empathy reviews? Give over. Mind your own.

hourbyhour101 · 31/01/2023 19:20

Ah is @beachcitygirl and @user432900976 the same person and I just missed the name change fail ?

NewNameNigel · 31/01/2023 19:20

user432900976 · 31/01/2023 19:08

@NewNameNigel I considered her feelings and responded. Or do we all have to run our posts past you for empathy reviews? Give over. Mind your own.

Mind my own? This is a public forum discussion

Of course you don't need to run your posts by me. You can post what you like and I can reply what I like, within the rules of the forum.

leelan · 31/01/2023 19:47

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 13:51

@leelan is that their routine also at mums? There too young for that bedtime imho in the week.

it's difficult he won't want to change it and be the baddie if that's how it's done there or is he Disney dad at your home?

Their routine at mums is bedtime at 8pm and lights out at 8:30pm. It's so frustrating... they wake up moody as anything and have to go to school! I've tried talking to him; mainly because I don't want them up at 10pm! I have 3 other children (two of them are with my partner) and they are upstairs in bed by 8 so to have another two kids downstairs is annoying quite frankly lol

pinkfondu · 31/01/2023 20:05

The children will be more damaged by allowing them to stay up after he has gone to bed

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 21:46

hourbyhour101 · 31/01/2023 19:20

Ah is @beachcitygirl and @user432900976 the same person and I just missed the name change fail ?

Nope. Not me. Feel free to check with @mumsnethq

I haven't name changed. Ever.

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 21:47

I suspect @aSofaNearYou may have a new name tho... but willing to stand corrected.

aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2023 21:48

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 21:47

I suspect @aSofaNearYou may have a new name tho... but willing to stand corrected.

No, I've never bothered changing my name.

beachcitygirl · 31/01/2023 21:57

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