How to do greet your DSC?

[atteatimeeverybodyagrees]

DH has his DSC every other week and part of the school holidays. I like them, we get on well. However DH has picked me up on my greeting them. Aparantly I don't seem very excited when they are here. I just say hi hello, etc how are you? When I next see them. I don't come rushing down the stairs squealing in delight. AIBU to just treat them like anyone else coming and going from the house? They don't say HELLOO up the stairs or whatever when they are here.

Well this week he arrived on Weds eve and I didn't actually see him til Friday morning as I was away for work. Then when I did see him he grunted at me.

In our house the kids (mine and his) are in and out all the time- their other parents live close by. So I’ve never gone more than a couple of days without seeing them. I’d just shout ‘hi!’ from wherever I am, and when I see them ask “how are you” etc. Same as when DH comes home from work, or when my DC get in from school.

The way I see it, it’s their home, I don’t treat them like guests.

Having said that, if DH asked me to make more of an effort then I would, for his sake.

But you’re not muscling in - your DH is asking this of you and it doesn’t appear to be an unreasonable request.
It would be a relatively easy win in terms of pleasing a partner.

Right but instead I'm doing housework for the good of the family or looking after DC. If he wants to do this then fine. If I'm just sat on my arse doing nothing then fine.

You’re right- but the point of treating family members equally still remains.

If I hadn’t seen my kids of a while - I would want to stop what I was doing and go and greet them.

As for those saying older steps kids don’t care- well I think it’s about demonstrating healthy behaviours.

My niece and nephew on DH’s side welcome me properly- coming down and hugging me when we visit. We may be guests, but I don’t necessarily see other kids acting like this, and I’m sure they’ve learnt to do this due to way they have been brought up and how they see older adults act towards others.

I could be washing dishes and a quick wipe of hands means I can go and say hello.
I can stop hoovering for 2 minutes to say hello.
unless you’ve got your hands stuck down that loo again - sorry couldn’t resist

Obsessed

why is everyone sticking their hands in the loo anyway

You’re right- but the point of treating family members equally still remains. I treat them equally by doing their washing

You know - they may not realise how much you do for them? Their washing, cooking etc

but little things like saying hello when they walk through the door can more visibly demonstrate affection and care to kids

Is that the way you show your family you care about them? That's an unusual example to use isn't it?

We get it, you resent having so many chores you feel you have no option but to carry on with them all evening. So change that and start enjoying time doing something nice - your husband isn't telling you to spend time with the others only when you've finished the housework, he's telling you the opposite.

Another step parent here. Thinking about it, I've always stopped what I'm doing and gone to say hello and hug, I don't really get why you wouldn't stop tbh.

Immediately stopping what you’re doing and going to the door to say hello and giving them a hug, isn’t treating them as if it’s their home/exactly the same as everyone else in the home, if that isn’t what you do for everyone else. This is the double standard of stepparenting.

I say hello when I see them. I don't care if they don't realise how much I do for them. I don't do it for recognition.

Yes exactly. I don't drop everything when DH comes home he goes I'm home and I say helloooo.

But if I hadn't seen my own DC for a few days, I'd stop what I was doing and go to greet them too. There aren't any double standards.

This is the point; you do the same for your DSC as your DC.

If what you do does not involve going to the door, then it’s absolutely fine to treat the DSC similarly.

Otherwise DH is requesting special fuss to be made.

I’m not suggesting you do it for recognition- ie they should be grateful for what you do

Its more about them feeling cared for - as they may not get that from you doing their household tasks until they get older.

My 16 year old daughter- one of the most important things she wants from me- not to cook her dinner (which to her is a given will be ready) - but to make sure I come up to her room when I come back from work and say hello

My DC is a toddler. I don't go to the door to let them in as I am usually with them.

I think @AnneLovesGilbert inadvertently started that
If you are putting the little one to bed that’s slightly different! Doesn’t DSC want to say hello to the little one? I can imagine another post ‘my DAC always arrived at the moment my toddler is going to bed and causes chaos to the routine!’
To be honest it sounds like you are warm and friendly, you just forget to put out the flags, get the champagne on ice and hire the marching band!

(Please excuse typos)

Yes exactly that would be a problem as DC would be too excited to sleep but no instead I'd be like ah ok DC has spotted they are here ill let them stay up an hour.

DSC can say hello to DC in the morning. I'm not keeping them up deliberately to say hello. That's silly.

No marching band??? People like you give step mothers a bad name.

Try and think of a time in the future when you may not have seen your DC for a fe days - for whatever reason- maybe they’ve gone on a school residents trip.

Would you really not stop your housework to go to the door to say hello?

Of course kids of a different age need different types of interaction!

Sorry for the typos