How to do greet your DSC?

[atteatimeeverybodyagrees]

DH has his DSC every other week and part of the school holidays. I like them, we get on well. However DH has picked me up on my greeting them. Aparantly I don't seem very excited when they are here. I just say hi hello, etc how are you? When I next see them. I don't come rushing down the stairs squealing in delight. AIBU to just treat them like anyone else coming and going from the house? They don't say HELLOO up the stairs or whatever when they are here.

He has basically said I'm not excited enough when they arrive and he thinks it's rude for me to just carry on with whatever I'm doing. Which feels out of order to me when "whatever I'm doing" is often household chores or getting DC ready for bed. If I was just sat watching TV or something then I could possibly understand his point.

I think they must. And live in nannies who get their child ready for bed.

I don’t. My DP does list of the toilet cleaning thankfully!

Most of

Why not just go down and greet them when they arrive, then go back to what you were doing, what is it costing you?

There’s your answer OP. If your DH immediately takes over from whatever task you are doing you can greet them with enthusiasm!

My step mum has always greeted me warmly, quick hug etc. She's the same with my children. There no standing to attention or fanfare, no waiting for us at the threshold, just a quick thing as soon as she sees we're there (which might be a while after we arrived if she's busy or out).

Have you ever got a toddler ready for bed? Once you have them cooperating it's a good idea to just get on with jt.

Yes! Good shout! I don't know why I didn't think of that. I'll say if he comes and takes over immediately when his kids arrive ill go to the door and greet them.

That's what I do (no hug). It's not like I'm cold with them when I do see them.

Yes of course I got my toddlers ready for bed, but from your posts it comes across as you'll carry on whatever you are doing which can never be interrupted.

No l don't think it's different. Every child needs to be welcomed. Genuinely l feel that child will know in their heart whether they are welcome in your home or not. I think when you set up home with the child's parent that's part of the bargain..ye are all a family now. Especially as the child comes to early teens they can sometimes back away a bit from visiting their dads home and if they get that feeling of HOME they are less likely to do it. I'm not trying to be harsh here but l would go along with your dh here. He needs this from you.

@junebirthdaygirl It is different. Their dad is there happy to see them and there to make them their dinner or whatever. They don't need me muscling in like a 3rd parent.

I agree with previous poster who said it depends a bit on the age of the children and how long you have known them. Im guessing they aren't tiny from your other posts in which case your reaction to them sounds fine! If they were little ones I think I would be a bit more cheery and enthusiastic when they came. But teens? Hello how are you is fine.

Yes. I ask my toddler and preschooler for a kiss and a cuddle. Teen DSS would not be as happy with that approach.

I don’t have step kids so can’t really relate - except DH sometimes is upset if he senses I haven’t welcomed his parents into our home with enough enthusiasm.

I now make sure I do as
It keeps my DH happy
I recognise like you do that this is based on unhelpful biases - maybe understandable to you (they’re not my kids) but my DH always greets my parents with enthusiasm
I agree it’s just polite - why start cleaning the bathroom when you know they’re about to arrive?
If my university aged kids were coming home - they would want to see their toddler sibling if came at bedtime- wouldn’t delay for long - say 10 min

How old are your step kids?

At the end of the day, I bet the kids don't give a flying fuck. I know my own DC wouldn't. It's a family, everyone's busy and comfortable in their own environment. Why does anyone need a special welcome to their own home. And most kids don't want to be mithered with questions.

When I come from home from work or a trip away I don't expect everyone to be queued up at the door waiting to greet me. I'm not a guest, it's my home. I'll find them if I want to say hello.

Why is everyone obsessed with the idea that I'm cleaning the bathroom. You're all toilet/bathroom obsessed.

Yes, most people here will have done. I'd nip down with the toddler to say hello to their siblings before getting them into bed. Families don't run to right schedules.

Your husband must believe that you're being a bit distant or uninterested or he wouldn't say anything. I have no idea, perhaps you are everything the perfect stepmother should be, but if someone's telling you that you're appearing a bit cool or unwelcoming then perhaps your instinct shouldn't be 'I'm not!'.

I don’t have step kids so can’t really relate - except DH sometimes is upset if he senses I haven’t welcomed his parents into our home with enough enthusiasm.

Difference is @Happyvalleyfan his parents are guests, of course they should be welcomed. SC are in their own home.

@CornishGem1975 Yes I feel its only DH reading far too much into things

There is no "nipping" with my toddler. It is a painful process of chasing them round the house.

Your DH is nuts, is he another parent who thinks everyone should fall over backwards to worship at the alter of his DC?
I made a conscious decision not to be a 3rd parent / unpaid babysitter/ picker upper of the slack for dss.
Which has resulted in us having a pretty chilled relationship, he knows I don't tread on toes & I don't insert myself as a parent.
Dss tells me things that he doesn't tell his parents.
When he walks in:
Me "alright?"
Dss "alright?"
Me "hungry?"
Dss "yeah"
When he comes in a mood.
Me "alright?"
Dss "grunts"
Me "arsehole"
Dss "grins"
OH "Rolls his eyes"
Me and dss "grin"
He's 18, I've been in his life since he was 3, great kid, we've learnt to jog along together.
Your DH needs to chill out

I guess if it was the other way round and you were seeing your kids once a fortnight and DH just went Hi could you not see where he's coming from? People like to share joy and make their kids happy, though in this case is perhaps being a tad immature to except it from you

It sounds like your husband is one of these (sadly rather common) guys who believes magic fairies keep the house running and put toddlers to bed. The issue is probably simple - the DSC are arriving at a fraught, busy time of day.

He should probably dig a bit into his feelings around blended families and why he feels the need to tell you how to behave (I mean, if you're keeping an overtired toddler out of the way, that's a useful contribution, right?)

Having said that, my perfectly nice and kind SIL doesn't say hello when we visit and I've always found that very odd and rude (we don't stay with her, but with PIL and she's often around). I concluded eventually that no-one had ever told her you should say 'hello X, how was your journey?' in these situations. But that's when we're actually in a room together. I wouldn't expect her to e.g. rush out of the kitchen and throw herself at me!