I don't need to know the details- AIBU?

[panko]

We have DC and DH has 2 kids from previous marriage. He keeps filling my brain with all details re pick up and drop off and plans for holidays which have ZERO impact on me and DC. Such as he has to take DSC 1 to this practice or other during the holidays. Or drop of is at ex partners house this week not ex's. Or DSC's school had a bad ofstead. I don't have the bandwidth for this information and it's hard to filter out what is actually relevant. So I'll ask..and does this affect me or DC and he gets all huffy!

Really weird.

My DH and I tell each other everything about our work/colleagues. Projects etc.

Neither has anything to do with the other.

Same with my friends and other family. They tall about what they need to do with their kids etc.

That's just conversation and being interested in other people's lives.

Mine does this....I don't mind being a genuine sounding board if he needs to work something out, I LOVE actual conversation with him - but when he just dribbles verbal diarrhoea in my general vicinity, to no purpose, and expects me to be as involved in his nonsense as he is, it makes me feel....used, somehow, and very irritated. Sometimes he'll walk into a room, clear his throat, announce "SO,", and then just tail off because he's forgotten what he's on about. He's broken my train of thought and changed the atmosphere in the room, when actually he didn't need me at all.

When he does it now, I just say loudly "DH, did you actually want to talk to me, or are you just taking up unnecessary space again?". He gets it and will apologise. It's a start.

I was wondering the same. It's like when Alexa tells me 'sorry, I don't understand'.

I have things such as ofofucksake on my shopping list as the first time I try to add tissues she doesn't understand but the fucker understands ofofucksake????

I don’t think this is a step-parent thing so much as a style of brain/conversation thing. I often tell DP he’s using me as a notepad or dictafone, just download his admin at me – it’s exhausting! It’s not conversation: it’s reading your to-do list out loud.

I have read some weird threads here but you husband telling you where he will be has never been an issue lol. What a strange post.

I think he is trying to draw you more into parenting the DSC, but as they already have two parents you don't need to get involved with this stuff. Just hope that he does not have plans to shift his parenting onto you.

@Notaninterestingfact its very strange indeed. OP seems so detached from him and his life, not interested at all

You don't want to know because you want to make it clear you have no interest whatsoever in his children. I wouldn't even continue conversing with a friend as rude.

It’s called ‘making conversation’, OP. Do you think he feels he needs to fill in the gaps because there’d just be awkward silence otherwise as you don’t seem overly keen on speaking to him?

@Yousee Yeah I'm a bit surprised people think I should just sit and listen to the latest round of tedious "drama"

Yes that's my fear

Yes i have conversations but I don't get why I need all the minute details. Where he's going to stop off to get breakfast with them. Not when he can't even be arsed to deal with the dishwasher.

I feel like people are conveniently ignoring comments like the above to have a pile on. It's clear that there's an underlying issue with OP feeling stressed out and that he isn't pulling his weight enough. There's nothing worse than the person you feel that about then demanding even MORE emotional energy from you. It doesn't mean she doesn't know what a conversation is or is disinterested in other people's lives.

It's a bugbear of mine when my DP offloads to me (usually about work) when I'm in the middle of doing chores like cooking or washing up. It feels tone deaf to talk at someone when they're busy and a bit stressed out and flustered, juggling a few things without helping with what they're doing. I'd be more inclined to have the conversation with him if he grabbed a tea towel at the same time.

It's not about being disinterested in your partner it's about how much energy they take from you in terms of both emotional energy and physical, and how much you feel you have to give back as a result.

My DH comes home night after night moaning about the cretins on the road about his near misses and his wonderful reversing between vans and cars and his Costa coffee consumption..it's boring as fuck..but I listen and nod and sometimes join in when appropriate- it's just being respectful even though I could rip his tongue out at times.

It's not about being disinterested in your partner it's about how much energy they take from you in terms of both emotional energy and physical, and how much you feel you have to give back as a result yes this is how I feel. It's often when I'm in the middle of trying to sort something out for shared DC while they are dangling off my leg

I'd be more inclined to have the conversation with him if he grabbed a tea towel at the same time. and amen to this!! If he wants to make me a cup of tea when toddler is in bed then sure fine waffle away.

I think if he’s useless and doesn’t do his share in the house then he annoyed about that because that’s very annoying. But no point being annoyed at him making normal conversation. If you were only ever allowed to make conversation directly relevant to your partner it would be a boring old life and you’d end up not even knowing each other.

Think more seven of nine personality

I get it. My husband works shifts. He does the drop offs and picks ups. We agree days the kids stay and then the menial details like pick up times don't impact me so we don't discuss them. I don't need to know what time he is going to the gym/shops/work unless it actually impacts me and plans together so the kids times are the same. We have everything on the calendar so if I do need to know I check that. We live a very non blended life though which works for us. I go out a lot when the DSC are here as they are not here to see me and it gives me the alone time I need with my DD. Each family functions differently.