I don't need to know the details- AIBU?

[panko]

We have DC and DH has 2 kids from previous marriage. He keeps filling my brain with all details re pick up and drop off and plans for holidays which have ZERO impact on me and DC. Such as he has to take DSC 1 to this practice or other during the holidays. Or drop of is at ex partners house this week not ex's. Or DSC's school had a bad ofstead. I don't have the bandwidth for this information and it's hard to filter out what is actually relevant. So I'll ask..and does this affect me or DC and he gets all huffy!

Then you have a general issue with communication between the two of you, that’s serious and worth addressing. Not as an accusation but as a request that you’ll both get to share your stuff, equally, and that perhaps you each get 15 minutes a day to have a moan and then you move on to other things? His can be his ex, yours can be the dishwasher.

Is it not so you know what his other commitments are?

So you know that on Tuesday the plumber can't come at 3 because he has to leave to collect DC or you have to push lunch back to 12.30because he's dropping kids off at X which is in the other direction at 11 etc etc?

If your standards routine is all over the place then it makes sense to share updates and changes.

You're right that's a great idea thank you.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea It's never worked like that though. I am always responsible for DC's nursery drop off and appointments etc. If I'm arranging the plummer it's for when I'm in if he's arranging it its for when he's in. We have very busy work diaries.

He knew what he was getting into when she left him and moved away.

Presumably he didn’t have much choice in the matter though and had no power to influence it, so when it causes problems and inconveniences to his life now, it’s hardly surprising he still wants to chat about it.

That's true. Just a tad irritating after nearly 10 years they still can't sort it without hassle.

You sound like hard work to me

Think you need to support your family more and stop being so ridiculous 🙄

Do what many married men do - tune it out and say "mmmm" and "yesss" in what you think are the appropriate points.

Exactly he doesn't care about the minor details of my day!

It’s called conversation. It’s boring and dull. But that is daily life. Perhaps he finds your chat just as dull but isn’t so rude.

It could be that he just needs to articulate it out loud to think it through (many people do) and as PP said you just need to make affirmative noises. You don't need to think about it, just say uh-huh and let it go.

So it’s not that you don’t have bandwidth or the topic.

It’s that you don’t feel he listens to you or lets you share things.

That’s a completely different thing. Even if he stopped talking about the kids and his ex, he would still not be listening to you.

I’m good at tuning out when people chit chat like this or work on a house task. I would let him chatter away while mentally thinking or doing something else.

Yes this might be it. He's not asking me anything or requiring my input just spouting times and places at me.

I also find this frustrating: at the same time he manages not to share the really important details around contact but just goes on about the minutiae.

Yeah I think I'll do that.

He is very very unreasonable to stay with you and inflict you on his children.

What? I have a lovely time talking to the children about the stuff that matters to them. I feel the arrangements about pick up etc just aren't that important. As long as he knows where he has to be why do I care?

"Very very". You're being a bit silly. Every relationship has frustrations. This is not a deal-breaker on either side.

I think he likes to narrate at you he genuinely thinks his innermost plans for mundane are important and you ought to listen.

It's very annoying.

That's exactly it. He's not even asking advice he could literally be talking to a wall.

Like the Ofstead I said oh what are you going to do - move schools? Because I thought actually maybe they are thinking the kids should stay with us in thr week as we are near a good school and was just met with a no I'm just letting you know.

Why do I need to know?

Some people are like this, my granny used to call it Announcements when people would say they were going to the loo or whatever when they left the room.

Since you married a guy who (presumably) communicates intimacy by sharing the minutiae of his life, you have to suck it up at this stage. Just say umm and that’s a good idea and shit like that.

People are different, I’m sure there’s plenty you do that pisses him off.

Have you always struggled with small talk? Do you struggle socially in other ways?

That’s what I do.

i don’t care about this stuff either OP.