Partner’s ex refuses to meet me

[Purplewelliesbluecoat]

My partner is 2.5 years out of a high conflict divorce. Whatever happened in the marriage has been forgiven and resolved and both parties are co-parenting happily. I spend quite a bit of time with my partner’s kids. They like me. The 6 year old cuddles me all the time and the 10 year old bakes me cakes when I’m not there. But their mum absolutely refuses to acknowledge I exist.

When we have picked up the kids together my partner goes into her flat but she has twice said I can’t come in. So now I refuse to go. I had to call her once about a medical issue for one of the kids as my partner was at work and I was babysitting. She claimed to have ‘no signal’ (not usually a prob in London).

Have bent over backwards to be considerate. If I am ever to babysit the kids I get my partner to check with the ex it’s ok. When the little one calls me mama I say that’s so sweet but you have one wonderful mama and I’m your really good friend.

its not a money issue. I have my own house and job. My partner is a high earner but he pays ex £2000 pcm and with her benefits (she’s disabled) and part time job and 100pc home equity I think she’s wealthier than me (I don’t mind. My life is my life.)

I don’t worry emotionally if some woman I’ve never met doesn’t want to meet me. However I find it very weird not being acknowledged at all. If another adult was with my kids as much as I am with these kids (several days a week and half of school hols) I’d like to meet them and offer a few tips on how best to look after/treat my child. I’d also want to check they seemed sane and organized and responsible. For myself I would like to open a dialogue about the kids and how best to care for them when they are in my care. Possibly ex wife thinks my partner and me are so great that she doesn’t need to have any input. It’s not jealousy as she has her own partner after deciding to become a lesbian. Anyone else been there? What’s it all about?

Do you have no respect at all for your partner as a father and an equal parent to his children? If not, why not? Why do you need to check anything or run any past her at all?
I was open to meeting DHs ex if she wanted to for her sake, which she did, but equally if she was happier pretending I didn't exist what difference would it have made to me? None.

Do you live with this current boyfriend?

Such an odd, self righteous post from the children's father's new girlfriend.

It's hugely disrespectful to your partner that you don't ask him about his children but want to go over his head and ask his ex.

I'm a step mum, I like my DSD mum but for the love of god it does complicate things.

In total honestly why would you not just enjoy the quite peaceful life ? Why would you want to meet her I just can't understand 😵‍💫

Also re parenting ask their parent aka their dad. Mum isnt a grand boss you have to seek approval from.

It depends on how long you've been in a relationship with your boyfriend. If it is a committed long term relationship where you are engaged or married, then yes I'd expect her to meet with you. But right now, you're just his current girlfriend so why would she meet with you when you could be over in a month or so? The longevity of your relationship is the deciding factor here. She probably doesn't want to keep meeting new girlfriends when she doesn't know how long you'll last. If you're still here in about 2 to 3 years time and engaged at least, only then I would expect her to meet you.

They could be married for 20 years and only meet her partner's ex for the first time at the children's weddings/civil partnership.

This happened to a friend of mine.

There is absolutely no reason for step-parents, legal or de facto, to meet when in a relationship with the other parent.

The only time I know a step-parent and a parent to talk to each other regularly when children are young is when the other joint parent is out of the picture, and they want half-siblings to know one another.

I'm not sure I'd even meet her at their wedding I'd probably just not go!

I've never met my ex's new wife. I've no desire to. I certainly wouldn't be having her in my house, which is my safe space

Just leave it

Surely child's dad knows everything he needs to know and knows how to care for his child so why does mother need to tell you. She communicates with him and that's the main thing. Count yourself lucky she isn't bothered about you dome exs can be pretty nasty.

This reminds me of DHs ex. I had been dating him for about a week and his ex was demanding to meet me to see if I was suitable to be around their son. I said no because I found it weird.